Life is starting to take on a different pace already, things are slowing down and more of my energy is taken up by growing this little girl. I know it’s not something you’re meant to admit, I’m meant to be talking about how #magical it all is and how I can’t wait to meet her - and while that second part is true, honestly the magic has escaped me. I’m terrified.
I just wanted to jump in the lake while it was completely clear and silent, while the rain came in and the thunder rolled over the trees - it all seemed so peaceful and I wanted to be a part of that. But truthfully there’s a ball of anxiety in my heart and it’s the only clear spot I can see, everything else is fuzzy. There are so many reasons, all too long for an Instagram caption, but the journey to becoming a mother for me has been so long, it started way before we even decided to have a baby.
I’m working on clearing some space in my heart so I can see it all clearly and find some of that peace, take some ownership of it all and feel less like it’s all out of my control, but it’s a slow process and it feels a bit like learning a new way of living.
The journey to motherhood doesn’t always look the same for everyone, and you’re allowed to feel more fear than joy - it doesn’t make you any less full of love and gratitude for the life you’re creating. The human heart has many facets and eternal optimism and joy isn’t one that gets a lot of use in the reality of every day (only on social media...).
#behindtheshot I was swimming as the rain was starting and photographing dragonflies when I called to Adam to come and help me take a portrait in the water. I didn’t have a swimming costume and he shot this as I was heading up to the cabin to get into some dry clothes, but I kind of like the way it turned out even though I feel a bit shy about posting it.
#WHPjourney #awakethelight #alifeofintention