This probably looks like a standard throwback photo.
My wrist is bandaged in this photo.
In the bathroom at DTE while waiting for Rob Zombie to perform.
Early October 2017 I wasnt handling life well & apparently I couldnt handle someone not answering their phone either.
I was so alone one evening around 10pm.
Loneliness hit me like a semi & I NEEDED to hear ANYONES voice but I was completely alone.
My only 'help'at the time was out of state so I resorted to the razor in the cupboard & watched the tissue & muscle of my forearm open up like the tearing of saran wrap.
I knew I was dying after about 5 minutes when the convulsing kicked into hyper drive & my arm soaked through towels and sheets into my mattress.
For some reason I wrapped my arm in towels tied in knots so tight you wouldn't believe I did it with only one arm.
I woke up in the morning & called a friend who I knew would be able to patch me up to the point of non infection.
I then carried about my day like nothing ever happened.
Went to a fucking concert & told everyone I burned myself at work.
Sure I had a few nodding off moments & my left arm was in massive pulsating pain for weeks.
It's been almost 1 year & the muscle still tears under the scar tissue and I can see visible blood trapped underneath.
Its been almost 1 year & I still wish I hadn't woken up that October morning.
Depressions everywhere. Stop reading off hallmark cards when you're trying to dismiss your friends depressive behaviors.
We likely wont be around much longer.
S a u c y 🥃
W E D D I N G P A R T Y 🥂🌼 my boyfriend got wastey pants at the reception so I drove him nearly an hour to get the best tacos around.
Wheres my award?
I 🖤 FILM PHOTOS 🎞
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• 📸 @kevin_does
I hate myself.
And I dont say that because I need the reassurance of thousands of complete strangers or friends or family.
I genuinely have spent the last... however many years deeply hating myself. & as much as i would love to pinpoint it & blame it on my psyche or my inability to keep up with the physical appearance i strive for - I cannot.
But right now - I'm going to focus on maybe just liking myself.
Maybe its because my underwear are a pretty color or because I've always liked myself most with my hair tied in knots & my face pink from sunshine.
Today I like me.
I hope you like you, too.