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Hope

33y/👩+ 34y/👱‍♂️. Living in 🇸🇬 TTC 2.5 years 1st IUI, 2nd IUI ❎❎ IVF Cycle 1 Fresh transfer ❎❎ IVF Cycle 1 Frozen transfer - cancelled 1❄️

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Luke 11:9-10 “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.” . Psalms 81:10 ......Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things. . In my dark days when I fled from God, I didn’t want to pray or ask anything of him because I was so afraid of hearing the answer “no!”. I really felt like my trial was a punishment. . Well, I shared that the 1st week I re-attended service, God reassured me of his love, that this desert I’m going through is allowed by him and he has cleared the path I’m on; I just need to walk it. He cleansed me of my fear and reminded me that I was not given a spirit of fear, but of love, courage and of a sound mind. . Well the next week, God’s message to me was to practise persistent prayer. These 2 verses were part of the sermon, and it struck me that my fear was so strong that it had completely obscured my eyes from all the wonderful promises of God! Open your mouth and I will fill it with good things, such a amazing promise indeed. . So I’m asking, asking for a miracle, for when reality seems futile, that’s when the miracle is needed. So I ask, I beseech, I knock, I shamelessly persist in requesting, nay demanding for my miracle. This cycle would be lovely, but his timing is still the best. Amen. . #ttc #ttcjourney #ivf #ivfjourney #2ww #ttccommunity #ttcsupport #ttcover30 #ttctribe #infertility #ivficsi #infertilitysupport #ivfwarrior #ivffaithoverfear #infertilitywarrior #infertilityandfaith

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This month, our doctor wants us to try a natural thaw for our last remaining embaby. The Day 13 scan showed that lining was progressing nicely, so the doctor asked me to start testing for the LH surge with OPKs starting from day 14, but he said likely I won’t see anything until day 15 (ie today). . Well yesterday, I tested at 7am. Negative. No biggie, was expected. This morning, I tested at 7am and it was positive. Inwardly, I was marvelling at the doctor’s experience (wow, he really can tell huh!) FYI, my ovulation dates are irregular and usually my cycle is 33-36 days long but sometimes it hits 45 days. Then, I decided to test again at lunch coz my previous experience shows that if I surge, it would be obvious still during lunch. And lo and behold, the results were negative. And that started my OPK testing spree... . What do you think? Have I surged? I’m inclined to think no. My concern is that I tell the clinic I’ve surged, they thaw the embryo (fingers crossed for survival and growth, amen) then find out I haven’t ovulated yet. Then what? . I emailed my clinic and they emailed back to say a nurse coordinator will call me tomorrow. I guess I’ll relay my concerns to her then. And keep up with the testing spree... . In the meanwhile, I shall be thankful! 1) OPKs mean I don’t need a blood test, rejoice! 2) Thankful that I can afford OPKs and they’re readily available, rejoice! 3) The doc said my lining was great, rejoice! 4) I’m ovulating, at least it’s not an anovulatory cycle! My hormones are doing a beautiful, intricate dance. Rejoice! . I’m not going to worry, going to trust that the timing will be good. . Hoping you girls out there will remain strong and courageous. . #ttc #ttcjourney #iui #ivf #ivfjourney #2ww #ttccommunity #ttcsupport #ttcover30 #ttctribe #infertility #ivficsi #infertilitysupport #ivfwarrior #ivffaithoverfear #infertilitywarrior #infertilityandfaith

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We sang this song in church 2 Sundays ago. It was my first service in a while, having felt too dejected with God to attend previously. The moment the service opened with this song, tears started welling in my eyes. . It felt like a personal love message to me. You make me brave. You called me out beyond the shores into the waves. I have struggled with this ttc journey. I had been very angry and resentful. Why me? Why is this part of my journey? If this is part of your plan, I don’t want it. But that Sunday, God reassured me that he makes me brave, even as he calls me out into the waters. I didn’t want to pray before this because I feared his answer (what if his plan is for me to be childless?), but that Sunday, he made me realise that that this fear is not from him, and this fear is paralysing me from moving on. . And so, I’m learning to let go. Every time a fearful thought comes now, I try to banish it away quickly. I don’t know what the future holds, but I will be brave. He makes me brave. I will try to remember that in the upcoming days. . Hoping all you ttc sisters continue to face this journey courageously in faith. Press on! . P/S Besides lettering, I took up patchwork. Sewing is fun! . #ttc #ttcjourney #iui #ivf #ivfjourney #2ww #ttccommunity #ttcsupport #ttcover30 #ttctribe #infertility #ivficsi #infertilitysupport #ivfwarrior #ivffaithoverfear #infertilitywarrior #infertilityandfaith

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It’s already Black Friday here (and interestingly, stores have embraced Black Friday sales even though Thanksgiving Dinner never caught on). . Continuing with items I’m grateful for (and here, it might be a little sensitive to those of us at different points in the journey. I apologise first if any of these makes you feel sad). . #4 Our ages. We’re 34 and 33 this year, so that’s still a good thing for now. Hopefully, this journey will not extend too long. . #5 We’re just at the beginning of our IVF journey. That means every cycle that didn’t succeed helps us gain more knowledge for the next cycle 💪. . #6 I’ve repeated my FSH, E2 bloodwork and it’s still normal! Yay! . #7 Family reunions and gatherings can be tough so I’m glad we’re spared the thanksgiving dinner (because we don’t celebrate it here) thought I’m already feeling a wee bit queasy at the thought of Chinese New Year Reunion Eve in 2-3 months. Praying for love so abundant to fill my heart that there will be no space for any other emotion. . I’ve already thanked all the lovely, wonderful friends I’ve made here in the previous post but I just have to say it again, you guys are amazing beyond words and I feel like I know you in real life, even if we’ve never met before. . Lastly, I’m thankful to have God in my life, especially for his faithfulness that he continues to seek me out even when I turn away from him. To all those who have contended for my faith, my soul thanks you ☺️. . Happy Thanksgiving! . #ttc #ttcjourney #iui #ivf #ivfjourney #2ww #ttccommunity #ttcsupport #ttcover30 #ttctribe #infertility #ivficsi #infertilitysupport #ivfwarrior #ivffaithoverfear #infertilitywarrior #infertilityandfaith

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After wallowing in “the depths of despair” (quote Anne of Green Gables), it’s time for a mindset change. . Give thanks! Here are 3 things I’m thankful for. . #1 My husband. I remember thinking when we got married that if all we could do was to just grow old together, that would be enough for me. Well, I’ve gotten a bit greedier, heh, but the basic sentiment is still there. Spending our lives together is the greatest blessing I could ask for. . #2 Financial ability. We’re paying for our fertility treatments. I am so so so thankful that we have not been denied options because of this. . #3 Wonderful friends. I’ve laughed and cried with some of you, online or offline. I’ve shed tears that I know some of you shed along with me, and rejoiced together when things go right. It’s not any less difficult when you go through this journey together, but at least you’re not alone. Emotionally at least, a burden shared is a burden halved, right? . I will continue this list on Thanksgiving Day (and that will give me time to think of more things that I’m thankful for too!) . What are some of the things you are grateful for in this journey? . #ttc #ttcjourney #iui #ivf #ivfjourney #2ww #ttccommunity #ttcsupport #ttcover30 #ttctribe #infertility #ivficsi #infertilitysupport #ivfwarrior #ivffaithoverfear #infertilitywarrior #infertilityandfaith

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Well, these few days have been a roller coaster of emotions for us. Long story short, our transfer was cancelled because both our embryos weren’t growing. . Initially, I was filled with fear and despair. Like what on earth is wrong with me that I can’t even grow an embryo properly 😔 But after a few days now, I’ve calmed down. Thank you for all the love and encouragement you’ve sent my way, am ever so grateful to have known all of you here. And my husband has been an absolute rock through it all, reassuring me that it’s early days yet and we can always try again. . We still have 1 more frozen embie and have made an apt to see the doc to discuss the plans for the next round. . Faith wise, it’s been rocky as I had definitely been seeking God more this round than the previous cycle. It felt like a double whammy you know, that when you activate faith, you get such a detour as compared to when you weren’t even praying at at all. But oh well, onward steadfast soldier. . And so we move on. Patience, courage, hope and faith. Definitely not giving up yet. Lotsa love to us all in the same boat, we’ll get there one day. Slowly but surely, we will. . #ttc #ttcjourney #iui #ivf #ivfjourney #2ww #ttccommunity #ttcsupport #ttcover30 #ttctribe #infertility #ivficsi #infertilitysupport #ivfsg #ivfwarrior #ivffaithoverfear #infertilitywarrior #infertilityandfaith

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So, transfer day is in about 13 hours time. The clinic called today to say both embryos survived the thawing so we are good to go! . #ttc #ttcjourney #iui #ivf #ivfjourney #2ww #ttccommunity #ttcsupport #ttcover30 #ttctribe #infertility #ivficsi #infertilitysupport #ivfsg #ivfwarrior #ivffaithoverfear #infertilitywarrior

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Evolution of a word. . Started with plain cursive to get a feel of what it would look like. . Switched to the brush pen. Kept it to the same size. Left column is regular, school style handwriting. Right column is what I’m trying to practice, the bounce. . Decided to make the words taller. . Studied the shape and felt that flourishes a the “t”s would look nice. It meant shortening the “l” though. . Played with slants. I’m liking the extreme slant the most. Can quite decide between the “bounce” and “no bounce” though, what do you think? . Final large word is with the slant and bounce! . This was fun! . #ttc #ttcjourney #iui #ivf #ivfjourney #2ww #ttccommunity #ttcsupport #ttcover30 #ttctribe #infertility #ivficsi #infertilitysucks #infertilitysupport #ivfwarrior #ivffaithoverfear #infertilitywarrior

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Still, thou art blest, compared wi’ me! The present only toucheth thee: But Och! I backward cast my e’e, On prospects drear! An’ forward tho’ I canna see, I guess an’ fear! . To a Mouse, by Robert Burns. . I happened to read some poetry and thought this was quite apt for me and the moment! As compared to the mouse, I worry for my past and future, while he just lives in the present 😂 . But I shall worry no longer, for worrying doesn’t help an inch. . As a side note, would you mine telling me which pen you prefer? Slide to the right to see the other samples. . 1st photo - Pentel Brush Sign Pen. 2nd photo - Pilot extra fine brush pen 3rd photo - Pilot fine brush pen. . I love the Pilot extra fine the most, but it does seem like the Pentel Sign Pen produces a nicer effect for writing long lines. What do you think? . #ttc #ttcjourney #iui #ivf #ivfjourney #2ww #ttccommunity #ttcsupport #ttcover30 #ttctribe #infertility #ivficsi #infertilitysucks #infertilitysupport #ivfwarrior #ivffaithoverfear #infertilitywarrior #infertilityandfaith

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Spotting, the dreaded word any woman going through IVF fears... . I had teeny bit of spotting yesterday evening and this morning. Not a lot, maybe like a teaspoonful each time, but it was enough to get me mildly panicky. I never have mid cycle spottings (well only once in my what, 22 x 12 or so cycles in my life), and I had just seen my doctor for the day 13 scan and was told that the lining was beautiful and all ready for the transfer. . Well I had my intralipids infusion done after seeing the doc (first time for me!), then went home. And lo and behold, the spotting just had to happen AFTER the apt. Hmm, talk about bad timing. . I had been taking my Progynova faithfully and even started Progesterone support this morning, so I was really hoping it was just a once off thing. But it happened again 😣 And it’s a Sunday too, so the clinic is closed. I thought I’d message the nurse just in case and she said she would check with the doctor and get back to me. . Well the doc called me personally around dinner time (I feel so touched! And so embarrassed at the same time, because I had just woke up from a nap and was a wee bit snappish on seeing an unknown number 😬). He said it’s a bit unusual but my lining looked fine yesterday, and to come in tomorrow for another review. . So, fingers and toes all crossed, that this doesn’t happen again, and that the doc will give me the all clear tomorrow. Hang in there lining! You’re doing great! Keep nice and thick, warm and cosy in there, prepare me a beautiful room for my lovely embabies. Be the perfect nursery! You can do it! *shouts encouragement to lining* . If anyone has positive stories, please share. Otherwise, words of encouragement will help lift my spirits tonight! . #ttc #ttcjourney #iui #ivf #ivfjourney #2ww #ttccommunity #ttcsupport #ttcover30 #ttctribe #infertility #ivficsi #infertilitysucks #infertilitysupport #ivfsg #ivfwarrior #ivffaithoverfear #infertilitywarrior #infertilityandfaith

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I needed this! Gonna have a busy day today. Need to do weekly house cleaning and laundry. Need to stock up the fridge with some fresh fruits and veggies for wholesome diet next week too. . Counting down to FET! 3 days left to go! . #ttc #ttcjourney #iui #ivf #ivfjourney #2ww #ttccommunity #ttcsupport #ttcover30 #ttctribe #infertility #ivficsi #infertilitysucks #infertilitysupport #ivfwarrior #ivffaithoverfear #infertilitywarrior

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So I went for my D13 scan today and yay, lining is 9.04mm! We are good to go for our frozen transfer on Wednesday. Now that we have a date, I can feel the adrenaline kick in all right. . Anyone has any tips for pre-transfer days? Or just any particular routine you do to make yourself feel more calm and at ease? I can feel the anxiety starting to kick in . . #ttc #ttcjourney #iui #ivf #ivfjourney #2ww #ttccommunity #ttcsupport #ttcover30 #ttctribe #infertility #ivficsi #infertilitysucks #infertilitysupport #ivfsg #ivfwarrior #ivffaithoverfear #infertilitywarrior

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No caption, just wanted to keep up with my calligraphy practice! . Anyone does calligraphy too? Would love to get some tips for improvement! . #ttc #ttcjourney #iui #ivf #ivfjourney #2ww #ttccommunity #ttcsupport #ttcover30 #ttctribe #infertility #ivficsi #infertilitysucks #infertilitysupport #ivfsg #ivfwarrior #ivffaithoverfear #infertilitywarrior

2

Today’s word is careless - because I dropped my phone early in the morning as I was taking breakfast. Left it on my lap, forgot, stood up, heartbreaking sound of 📱 dropping against the floor, picked it up, sigh of relief. The screen protector cracked but the screen was ok. Phew! . Second careless act was forgetting my afternoon dose of Progynova. . Feeling excited for tomorrow’s apt! I’ve never had lining issues before so I’ll be really disappointed in life throws me a curve ball tomorrow. . Grow, lining, grow! . #ttc #ttcjourney #iui #ivf #ivfjourney #2ww #ttccommunity #ttcsupport #ttcover30 #ttctribe #infertility #ivficsi #infertilitysucks #infertilitysupport #ivfwarrior #ivffaithoverfear #infertilitywarrior

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