Getting real here, and throwing it back to these photos. I took these a few months postpartum when I was finally able to love myself again.
This is me.
When I get anxious, I have the bad habit of biting my nails. I was definitely anxious in this photo, knowing that I would be revealing my scars in such a public way. But for me, it was all part of the process.
I always wanted a baby, I NEVER wanted a C-section.
My pregnancy was hard but labour was harder. We were in and out of the hospital for 6 days. It all started after we got a stress test done, because I was 41 weeks pregnant. My girl just didn't want to be evicted. 😂 It made me so angry and depressed! I was fine until I hit 40 weeks. Anyway, at the stress test, her heart rate never slowed down. We were there for an hour in a half. The doctor was worried so she told us to go to the hospital. We sat there for another four hours, with me attached to a machine. Telling us Felicity's heart rate and my contractions. I was actually in early labour, but I never felt the contractions. We were sent home and told to come back in the morning for an ultrasound. When we got it, we found out that her amniotic fluid were low, so I was immediately induced. Two hour after induction, we were home and my contractions were HORRIBLE. I had back contractions, I couldn't eat, sleep or even sit. I was constantly moving because of the pain. Time went by so quickly. We went back to the hospital at 3am. Sitting in a car, with all of the bumps on the road and contractions was probably the most torturous experience of it all.
The rest of it all is a blur for me. I got the epidural as soon as possible, they couldn't get it in, it took them 7 tries and roughly 20 minutes. It wasn't painful, I'm just completely horrified of needles.
The next few days went by so fast, I wasn't allowed to eat in case I needed surgery, so I was pretty weak. I also couldn't feel from the waist down, so when I was ready to push, I couldn't. We tried for a few hours, but her heart rate started declining, so I was sent in for an emergency C-section. I bawled my eyes out the entire time. *The rest in comments*