I am in Africa.
The last time I was in Africa was to study abroad in college. It was just two years after your car accident. I was called here. Despite my unconscious habits & destructive lifestyle. Unknowingly I came to find perspective on your death. I realised my rare good fortune to have had your immense, unconditional love & “the universe is your oyster” support for 19 beautiful, formative years. I was here to have my blonde bubble popped. To understand my privilege. To explore the diverse world we live in, metaphysically & physically, to discover how I want to live on this planet.
I accepted your mortality, I pondered my own. .
Your legacy of love, women’s rights activism, boss lady business success, mentoring young women, community care, friendship and family. Your laugh, your pushing me to rise.
I am here again. 11 years later. Pushing myself to rise.
I am here with an open heart. Deep reverence. Respect. Gratitude. No agenda. I am here to learn. To humbly walk my path of bringing light. To practice what you always taught me when we went into nature: to leave a place, a person, a heart, better than how I found it. Cleaning up, sharing what I know, LISTENING.
I am here because you died. I am here because you lived.
I am grateful for all of your words. They live on in me. Your spirit of adventure. Your deep integrity & courage to stand up for what is RIGHT lives on in me. My style, a bit more reckless without my mama bird to keep me in line; all the ungraceful winding has formed my path. And I own it. I have tapped the magic. No thing impossible. All is possible. As you always said.
I surrendered years ago in great, deep grief. I surrendered. I opened myself as a complete channel. It felt good when I followed the calling. When I helped the ocean. When I inspired change. I followed this, mama. I followed this when I couldn’t hear your voice any longer. In the absence of your voice, I found my own.
I know you are proud of me. I walk for you mama. I walk for our ancestors. I walk for me. I walk for future generations. Thank you mama. I will see you in the eyes of all I meet. I will love them as I love you.