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Hermelinda

Mama musings on movement, mothering, and mountains

http://hermelindacortes.co/

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Monday night laundromat sunset planning ritual while in the ritual of folding, folding, fold the soul back into the body. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #naguala #motherhoodrising #countryqueers #radicalwomenco #mentalhealthawareness

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Y’all we just don’t always know when it’ll be our last day or when death will come for our loved ones. Sometimes the loss is slow and sometimes it is quick. Hold yours close. 🙏🏽💀 ❤️ . . . #presente #restinpower #yearofeternalspring

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Nice for what? Summer of jams, summer of sun, summer of goals, summer of dreams, summer of hustle, summer of sweat, summer of rest, summer of love, summer of liberation, summer of freedom, summer of desire, summer of stories, summer of ritual, summer of familia, summer of joy, summer of balance, summer of contradiction, summer of vulnerability, summer of balance, summer of dance, summer of beaches, summer of mountains, summer of viajes, summer of curiosity, summer of remembering, summer of writing, summer of making pictures, summer of self, coming home to self, coming home, coming home. Welcome. Reigning in the petty and keepin’ it moving. Join me. . . . #elverano #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #niceforwhat #motherhoodrising #countryqueers #shenandoahvalley #radicalwomenco #mentalhealthawareness

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Started a little brujx/witchy sharing thread over on WhatsApp. DM me if you’d like an invite. Low key, no stakes, low ego, no pressure, skill and knowledge sharing space. Altars, ritual, plants, astrology, tarot, the sky is the limit with an eye towards not appropriating shit, sharing resources and learning and supporting one another in this nonsensical reality we live in right now - and no we are not politically idle or neutral. Liberation based, trauma minded magic 🌕 image from @gottesss many moons workbook . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote

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Pulled this card this morning, a reflection of a decade of desire ready to move from the plane of the subconscious to this material world. Listening to every sign, every dream symbol, every card, every animal spirit that has crossed my path this month. Small reminders and big reminders that the universe is conspiring in my favor, I just need to keep doing the work. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #coatlicue #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #verano #slowhollertarot #mentalhealthawareness

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Started the #summersolstice weekend with the blessing of chosen family, a magical summer rain and ritual, and a deep unearthing of the foundation that remains when everything at the surface crumbles away. Feeling open to both strength and vulnerability, to both planning and spontaneity, to both goals and surprises. Cultivating fortitude amidst the deep spiritual, cultural, social, and political crises we are swimming in at this moment is imperative and not easy. As I feel joy and excitement creeping back into the crevices of my spirit for the journey ahead, I’m holding the contradiction of the call to show up for our people where and when we can. I am exploring, experimenting, and practicing balance and boundaries. I know I’m not alone in that quandary and grateful to each of you that have shared with me your own trials and tribulations the past few weeks. I believe in me and I believe in us. Solstice blessings to you all 🙏🏽 . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #coatlicue #verano #organize #movementbuilding #mentalhhealthawareness #traumaresilience #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #countryqueers #scenesfromsunday #freeourfutures #abolishice #nomoreprisons #slowhollertarot

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Back yard kiddie pool lemonade and grilling in the blistering sun season is upon us. Looking towards the solstice with every bit of pride and joy for making it to this exact moment of gratitude. I am here. I am strong. I trust myself. Words I’ve fought so damn hard to say and believe. Thank you village, thank you 🙏🏽. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elverano #elcenote #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #mentalhealthawareness

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Healing comes in all shapes and sizes and is right in front of us if we stop, be still, and look. Yesterday was tough physically, spiritually, emotionally and every challenge mirrored most of this past year. Finally, I just surrendered and let it be OK to not be OK. I let it all out relying on the truth that at my core there is agency and power and gentleness and a deep appreciation and love for this journey that is mine. I felt a sense of calm overtake me and a sureness that the story of that journey is allowed to evolve. I am allowed to evolve. I am no one’s story but my own. Now I’ve made it to Frome, belly full, heart full, words pouring forth, and so I begin again marking the start of this crossing over, noting this midpoint of the year and the coming solstice. Upon this space to reflect, I’m somehow surprised to find that every commitment I made to myself for this #yearofeternalspring is in motion. This is a practice of patience and abundance not urgency nor scarcity. Everything is open wide and I am ready. Maybe I have been ready all along, poco a poco, I’m coming home. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #somerset #frome #UK #motherhoodrising #cornerhousefrome #radicalwomenco #pocoapoco #mentalhealthawareness

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Stuck in Dublin for yet to be determined amount of time. Do you think the universe is just trying to test my stamina and resiliency these past few weeks? Pulling it out of the deepest wells y’all, because I am stubborn and determined as the best of them and lord knows I’ve seen worse. Grateful to the ancestors and compxs who’ve been pulling out all the stops. #notmyfinaldestination . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #motherhoodrising #dublin #countryqueers #radicalwomenco

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I didn’t burn it or put it in a box. I couldn’t. I built an altar, a homage to love and all the things that it gifted me. A homage to a sacred vessel that was familia and to a place that I had come to think of as home. There is no room for bitterness here. There’s only room to grow that with which we were blessed to live, to pass it on. What an honor to have such an experience, to meet another soul in both the light and the dark, to ride the waves of this thing called life, for but a moment in time on the watch of the universe. . I place the unsent letter here: making magic, making alchemy, making life. . “Below the full moon: humid breeze, magical coves, secret scrubs… And the unicorn in the heightened wild scrubland, ready to flee, alert and tense.” . Here I meditated, prayed, held space, gave thanks this week. Is this grief? . Time, I whisper. It is everything and nothing. We crossed aeons to get to one another. And now? We let a mere ocean get in the way. . Oh, this is pain and sorrow and rage and joy and love - the thing we call heart break but that is too vast for just one word or organ. . Time, I whisper again. It is everything and nothing. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #countryqueers #maracaibo #venezuela

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TW: Feeling like you are dying is not the same as wanting to die. It is also not the same as dying. The brain and the body cannot always distinguish this. This is sometimes known as a panic attack. . My throat feels the pounding of blood first, it clenches, my esophagus feels crushed, this induces more panic, and before you know it I am on the floor trying to remember how to breathe. . The throat, this is where someone tried to strangle me once. This is where someone forced their way into me once. This is where words get caught like a rabbit in a trap. This is where the mother tongue gasps for air. This is where asking for what I need gets locked in fear. This is where the knots form and seed the feeling of death’s coming. It roots here and then grows with force, spreading its limbs into my brain and the roots deep into the chest, the lungs. . Trauma, written on the body. . It is a physical, mental, and spiritual experience all at once and there is no single source or trigger. “Panic symptoms are maintained bc the individual develops a fear of the attack itself which is triggered by something they know is irrational. The fear of these sensations sends the body into an emergency primitive response to avert threat. The price is being unable to detect what is truly dangerous or harmful and what is safe and nourishing.” -Bessel Van Der Kolk . I will my body and my mind to count in unison and for my lungs to expand when I say one and to contract when I say two. Over the years and with practice this gesture repeated many times keeps me from moving into a temporary full body paralysis and I am able, eventually, to realize that what is happening to my body is a distorted message from my brain. . I was 17 the first time I ever experienced this distorted message that left me frozen and 22 or 23 the next time it came with such force again that left me bedridden for days. For the last 7 or 8 years they have come and gone in waves, but rarely with the ferocity of those early events. . There have been times where I wish I wouldn’t have them at all, where I’ve watched them unfold in moments and swallow up the best parts of my life... Contd below

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This snake manifested before me today. I received this message last summer when another Black snake came to me... The last one dead, this one shedding. “The snake asked that you have a ritual in which you shared your energy with your environment, with the river or stream. The snake is your protective totem, a water snake. In indigenous symbology, all ancient snakes were snakes of water. The snakes are great water creators, they are near the springs of rivers, the protectors and guardians of hydral cultures, of water, the fountains and springs of rivers. Latin American and Asian cultures hold them as water protectors. It told Leslie, "I am a water snake". Its colors were vibrant, purple and green... The snake that you saw was the protector of the river where you were. It manifested itself at that moment because your totem manifested itself at that moment. Proof of the connection. A clear line of communication.” . Ok universe, I hear you. I hear you. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #coatlicue #traumarecovery #countryqueers #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #mentalhealthawarenessmonth

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Dentists. May 2018. My then partner had been insisting I take care of my physical health. He worried about my vessel as much as I worried about his. It took almost a year of a decent salary and good health insurance to convince me I could. I scheduled the appointment for a physical before I left the states. My body filled with dread, but I did it. While I was in Maracaibo, I went to the dentist. He scheduled the appointment for me and we went in just days before I was to depart. . It should have been a filling for a cavity and a routine cleaning. The dentist gently fills my cavity. I breathe. It’s been over a decade since I’ve had this done. She moves onto the cleaning. I breathe again. She begins, to scrape under the crevices of my gums. Inhale, I tell myself. I try not to choke but my mouth is filled with cotton and blood and pain. There is nothing routine about decades worth of shame filling your mouth with blood. You know it’s not your fault, but you cry anyway. You cry out of anger. You cry out of pain. You cry because you are exhausted. Head spin. Tail spin. Spinning. . When we talk about trauma collectively we too often conflate it with single incidents, but there is a trauma that is the trauma of the osmosis of oppression or generations of pain we’ve inherited. As much as we have our resilience and our resistance, we have these other things too. . The dentist worked to keep up with the blood but had to call it before she could finish. I slid off the chair and slinked into the car. I felt like I’d run a marathon. . Shame is such an invasive feeling. It holds onto your vibrations like glue and becomes you when it is present. You become it, embodied, and you wait for the worst of everything to fall into your lap. Shame gives a home for our inner demons to play. They dance their way out of our psyches and into our conversation and our actions. They tell you to go on the defense - to protect yourself before the cards fall. I’d like to say I can’t recognize this person, but I know her well. I’ve known her for a long time despite my efforts to shove her into a corner, to pretend that she was not a part of me. . Contd below

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Yesterday’s prelude to a full moon. I never get tired of this view and the magic in the sky. Never wary of throwing my questions into this wind. Keep following the wind someone once told me 4 1/2 years ago as they cleansed me in the way of their indigenous tradition. I was pregnant and maybe for the first time began to see the spirit inside of me - what it longed for, what it deserved, what it dreamed of and desired for its wholeness. That too happened on the side of a mountain - in Tennessee at another holy place. I was grateful then. I am more grateful now. Follow the wind I remember. The truth has been there all along. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #shenandoahvalley #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #countryqueers #traumarecovery

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I believe in redemption. I believe in hope. I believe in possibilities and imagination and liberation. I believe in kindness. I believe in forgiveness. I believe in courage and bravery. I believe in love and desire. I believe we are not what has happened to us. I believe it is possible to heal and that it is not linear and that it is fucking messy. I believe that messy is OK. I believe that we are not striving for perfection. I believe that sometimes the only way out is through. I believe that what the universe presents in endings are openings. I believe that what feels hard pushes us to be better, to do better, to be the best version of ourselves. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #countryqueers #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #bipolar

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Santos and I danced in the morning drizzle. We ate plantains and pasta. We played with a new saber tooth tiger and his spider man walkie talkies despite their lack of batteries. His resilience and joy reminds me of mine. I stuck my hands in dirt for the first time in a long while. I pulled weeds like a mad person. Once they were all out, I worried about the coming rain. What now would hold the moisture? No matter. The flowers can now breathe and it is time for ground cover, for coaxing, for rebuilding soil. . In the backdrop I saw the lilies just starting to bloom. Lilies. I couldn’t help but laugh at this grand gesture of the universe, at this symbol of our love, at the dream that started it all, at this reminder of all the sweetness your love did and does hold, at the irony of blooming. . The universe is pulling at both of us, pulling us apart, pushing us together, pulling again like taffy that can never quite regain its shape, testing the waters for what kind of shape we can be together, an ancestral and amorphous one, I believe, one that is meant to change, and to change, and to change. . I realized somewhere between January and now that love has both limited capacities and abundance. In and of itself it can hold many things, but it must be both cast and received in a broad net. Love, it must be fed with gratitude, consistently, over time, across time, across space, across people. Without this it cannot survive. It must change, we must change, like the water. . You always said there was something about water. Yes, there is something about water. Can we survive its tides? Its flooding turning creeks into rivers and then into oceans of our imagination? Can we surrender to its power and know that this new shape that we take is how we survive? . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #bipolar #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #traumarecovery

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