Day 49 - You Would Be So Beautiful If You Lost 20 Pounds
So here's the thing: often when people see me eat (unless they're close friends and fam), they ask me what diet I'm on and if they're really obnoxious, they ask me how much weight I'm looking to lose. They can't seem to wrap their head around that I don't care about losing weight. 👑
Here's the thing: I used to care. I used to count calories, take diet pills, weight myself every day at the same time wearing the same thing. I used to cry when I gained weight. I used to feel accomplished when I lost weight. I would restrict calories ridiculously because that's what I was taught as a child. "You would be so beautiful, if you lost 20 pounds"
The first time I heard that phrase was when I was 11 or 12. From my mother.
That's when my difficult relationship with food started. I won't go into the details but we all have heard that from people close to us. And none years ago? I said fuck it all. 👑
I eat good food because I like good food. And because I've learned to hide food I hate in good and good for me food (spinach pucks go in every soup). Well except kale, cause screw kale. Anyhow, I eat well because I like eating well. Do I eat crap for me food? Of course I do. I will have ice cream or Oreos or cake or takis when the fancy strikes me. Usually that's only about once or twice a month, but I also don't keep it in the house because I'd likely eat it on low spoon days because it's easy food. 👑 But I digress. Let's go back to weight loss. Or rather my not giving a damn about it. Weight loss isn't a goal, it's a side effect. I don't own a scale. I buy a size smaller when my clothes are too big. I exercise regularly, sometimes it's on my once a week because no spoons. Sometimes it's four times a week. My doctor doesn't care how much I weigh as long as my blood work is good. I don't care how much I weigh because I love myself no matter what. And remember, weight loss is a side effect, not a goal. I used to be 340lbs, when my endo checked (for baseline cause my thyroid) I was around 260. At my lowest, I was 230, now I'm 30lbs heavier and the same size and a whole lot stronger.