Part One: How I tried to sabotage a good thing before it even started!
Have experienced this? My friend @michelle.m.hillier almost missed out on a very significant relationship because of it...
The relationship with Chris almost never happened, there was one defining moment that CHANGED everything. We met when he was in San Francisco and on his way to move to Guatemala. We were “pen pals” for years but nothing beyond happened, until one exchange of emails made me see him in a new light. Our friendship turned into flirting, it was a modern day Shakespeare story.
I realized how much I liked him and immediately began building walls. After a long phone call, I blurted out “It’s OK if you’re dating other women” and hung up. We weren’t talking about dating at all, it was my subconscious way of sabotaging everything. I’d love to say this is the first time I’ve done this with a man, but this was my MO.
I couldn’t sleep that night, I knew I screwed up. The next day I told him I didn’t mean it, and even though we had never been on a “date”, he was the only person I was interested in. It was the first time I was honest about what I wanted and I rarely admit fault so that was huge for me. A month later he flew to San Francisco and we've been together for 4 years.
I makes me laugh to think that one stupid moment of weakness and insecurity could have stopped it all. Chris admitted that my original comment really made him want to walk away and put up his walls. The moral of the story is, say what you’re actually feeling. The worst thing that can happen is they can reject what you want, but it’s better than you rejecting love before it even had a chance. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Additional details: Michelle said it shifted the energy and the direction of where they were and derailed the momentum they had. It changed the energy of their interactions. It's something worth exploring if you find yourself acting out of sync with what you actually want. Most of the time we don’t realize what’s happening though, because it’s our subconscious taking over.