This has been a year of really digging though and searching out my beliefs on all different levels. .
What do I say I believe? Why do I believe that? Beyond what I say I believe, what do I *actually* believe based on what goes on in my heart... and why is that? (example: “If I say God is good and trustworthy and is for me, then why do I feel so fearful in this moment? What am I really believing in this moment?” Sometimes God shows me the root of the fear- a situation in my past that isn’t healed and becomes a trigger in the present.) .
You may even recall that I shared a lot about working through fear, overcoming fear, etc because that was definitely a major thing Jesus was digging out, and, DANG, did it have some deep roots because I let fear grow so wild and free for so long. 😬 (Not saying I no longer experience fear anymore, I just don’t live from a constant place of unrest due to anxiety, grinding through imaginary conversations in my mind, and dwelling on negative thoughts. I can experience that stuff but it is not a place I function from on the day to day as I once did, if that makes sense.) Anyway, I love that our walk with God is a journey. I love that He asks us to ask, seek, knock... so we don’t have to be afraid to ask, seek, and knock. (He actually loves when people seek Him, when they start saying, “I know what I’ve heard about you. I know what I’ve read about you. I know what I think about you, but I want to KNOW you.” I want to take the time to say here that Jesus is not offended by our heartfelt questions. He is not offended by our searching and seeking. He wants us to KNOW Him, and how can you know someone unless you seek them out, ask them questions, have conversations, and get to know them on a personal level? That is a process. The problem is that we often don’t want to go through the process- the journey- we just want to arrive safely at the destination. We want to just KNOW rather than search and seek. I get it... because there is pain in the process, but there’s also beauty, healing, and this feeling of truly being known, of belonging, of being fully loved.