We are not meant to heal alone. We are just not meant to do the hard stuff alone.
At the root of any malady, whether it be personal or cultural, disconnection is what we find.
As Einstein said, we cannot solve a problem with the same level of consciousness that it was created. Finding our way out of suffering, individually and collectively, means we must cultivate the capacity to connect with others, to let ourselves been seen, to share honestly where we are struggling and allow others to support us and nurture us through it.
If we say we want healing, wholeness, well-being, vitality - in our own body, heart, and mind, or in the body, heart, and mind of our culture, we must risk connection. And it is very much a risk. Connection requires a level of feeling that few of us were taught. And we gotta feel it to heal it.
Connection and intimacy are fraught with ambivalence and uncertainty.
Connection requires equal measures of vulnerability and resilience.
Risking connection means having an internal sense of safety, a capacity to trust ourselves, a strong inner-parent, such that we are not dependent on the other for their response, yet can advocate for what we need from a place of loving our own wholeness so much that we will not accept anything less than a faithful reflection of that love.
We are built for connection, wired for connection. Isolation breeds shame and other delusions. And nothing good comes from shame.
The next time you are struggling with the same old thing that has had you beat for years (or decades), just stop. Tell someone. Ask for love and support.
You are not meant to do the hard stuff alone. You don’t get extra points for being stoic (but miserable) or resourceful (but overwhelmed). Reach out. You do not have to do the hard stuff alone.