I get asked a lot what my life looks like with AI when I disappear for a day or two, and this morning really gave me the words to share ... 4:30 am I woke up with pain that felt like a band squeezing my head, my right eye felt like I'd been punched, head pounding, nausea, runny nose, irregular heartbeat, ears clogged, and all the flare symptoms were there for the third day in a row😭
I didn't realize I was crying until my husband said dont cry you know it makes it worse and I knew he was right .. so I rolled over and took all my pills as fast as I could, so hopefully they'd start working, grabbed my French bulldog, my bucket , and held on tight while I prayed that God would take the pressure from my head and the fear out of my heart.
I looked at the clock and did the math that I only had three hours to pull it together before the baby got up so I set an alarm for two hours (6:30) the soonest I could safely take a second dose of meds, crawled into the bathroom for tissues, got back in bed and closed my eyes and listened to the baby monitor 💕
I think the fear for me comes from days of pain with no relief, and I can't really explain it but this hopeless feeling comes over me like maybe I'll never feel better again and what if the pain won't stop and I just can't take one more second like this ... And so I try and remember all the times this has happened before and I've made it through, and there's always a better day coming, I am stronger than this pain... But I'd be lying if I said it was easy.
My husband left for work and I laid there beating myself up thinking man if I was just a little healthier, if I could just get better we would be further in our business and he could be home for real. and then I felt guilty because that's really only another year or two away at most which is nothing .. And I know I'm a good leader, one of the best. And I'm really grateful for how supportive his company has been of us, and the health insurance that I need desperately ... So I count my blessings. Apply again for a better program. Pray.
If you are suffering you are not alone, don't give up, I'm here too and one day we will be free if we stay the course and believe ♥️