She asked, “Where does your LOOOVE for Christmas come from?”⠀
I smiled, and sighed, “It’s because the only good memories I have of my childhood - are from Christmas.” ⠀
Coming from a broken home, having had a difficult childhood - I’ve always dreamt of a Norman Rockwell Christmas. The happy family welcoming us home, bustling shoppers on Main Street, family gathered for a turkey dinner, tree trimming in the park. ⠀
But what I yearned for most (and still do) was unconditional love. Being enough. Being a priority. It’s been difficult and a struggle these past few months, as I cut ties on the 34 year old emotionally abusive relationship with my mother back in May. Hoping that my decision, while causing heartbreak for both her and I, would make sense once she completed recovery. ⠀
This year I’ve felt loss. Loss for my mother. Loss of the mother I never had. Loss of the mother I’ll never have. Loss of my childhood & innocence. And loss for no longer having a mother in my life.⠀
As Ben & I are trying to start a family, we only hope that if we’re so blessed, we can give our child a home filled with unconditional love. And always, Celebrate the Season as it was meant to be.