Alive & Well.
I had an amazing day where I felt like a regular person, as much as I can remember. And it was so extraordinary and uplifting for me. I was up early in the morning, able to stand and face the warm sun in joyful solitude. I was willing and able to do a big load of laundry, along with some organizing. I worked on a drawing, stretched and worked out a little. Everything was done in small, measured amounts and I kept resting in between. I watched movies, wrote reviews, took photos and drank my herbal tea. I did every single activity mindfully, including eating. It was wonderful to feel capable, functional, and to be able to enjoy doing simple, everyday things.
I'm filled with relief and happiness because I've come so far. It's been 2 years since my last hospitalization and almost 4 years since my last mental health hospitalization, which is incredible for me. This month, I've successfully quit my antidepressants on my own and I feel much lighter for it. I'm regularly seeing a great chiropractor who's genuinely improving my neck, back and TMJ. My jaw is better aligned, which is simply crazy!
I'm also thankful that much of my illness-driven anger, rage, confusion and stress has dissipated. I'm lying here in bed, suffering from today's assault of pain. I can't stop the rain and with it comes more pain. But I feel so at peace with myself; more balanced than I've ever been in my whole life. And what an insane life it's been.
Even if you haven't felt well in weeks, months or years, remember that there will always be days that make it worthwhile. As long as you're willing to put in the work to find yourself and your true priorities. Your future is not hopeless, your life is a blessing, and eventually things will get easier. Encourage yourself in a gentle tone; self-hatred has no home in you.♡