Time for a reality check.
Babies are wonderful, amazing, adorable. So many people want one. We are so so blessed to have one (another one!) And yet.
It is possible to choose something, to want it and love it, and to also feel sad, and find it hard. Sometimes this is motherhood. This is also called being human.
Life with a baby means that the success of your day is defined by how much that little body eats, poops and sleeps. It shouldn't be that hard, it shouldn't be that complicated, but somehow it is, and the house is forever messy. There are new teeth emerging and unexplained tummy aches, bumps and surprises, loud sounds that interrupt naps, imperfections of life that we have no control over. How much am I responsible for?
Life with a baby means that all of your labor is unpaid, and therefore feels mostly without value, no matter how much advertisers and politicians preach otherwise.
Life with a baby means feeling like a watercolor painting with too much water, so that everything becomes blurry and unformed, no lines to be found.
I've been through this before, and I know how it goes. I learned so many things and still, I'm forgetting who I am anyway. Again.
The dissolution of Self is an uncomfortable experience. We must surrender more, and again, and again, and more again.
#motherhood #beinghuman #truth #blur #goodbyeego