@ with @
Everything is not ok. (Don’t swipe 👉🏽if you’re squeamish)
In the last 2 years my health has taken a life changing down turn. I’ve been more or less bed/couch ridden, struggling to survive. Debilitating fatigue, brain fog, adrenal issues, inflammation, weight gain, pain, to name just a few. Imagine feeling like you have the full blown flu, every 4-5 days, for 2 years straight. This all lead to crushing depression, anxiety, shame and thoughts of suicide. But, you wouldn’t know any of this. I’ve been hiding it from the world.
How could this be happening to me?! I haven’t gone a day without wanting to train/move/play/ride/run for my entire life. But none of that was possible, walking the dog around the block on most days felt like an insurmountable task.
So I just retreated and isolated myself. You may or may not have noticed my lack of presence on social media. This is why. I felt like a huge fraud. How could I tell any of you to stay motivated when I myself was struggling to just make it through the day and stay alive.
The most painful aspect of this journey was that no doctor could find what was wrong with me(I literally went to them ALL). But somehow the universe put the answer in front of me. I started seeing posts about breast implant illness. 1000s and 1000s of women are struggling with the same issues. I finally realized the origin of my health issues - shortly after a mammogram 2 years ago, my left breast implant ruptured.
I got the implants 17 years ago on a whim when I basically was gifted them by a gym that I worked for (long story for another day✌🏽). But the insecure, 22 year old me on a quest for “perfection” just went for it.
It’s been a long and hard journey to this day. Those toxic bags are finally out of my body. I’m looking forward to being the vulnerable, truthful, healthy, ‘me’ again.
I wanted to share my struggles with you, because it’s ok to not be ok. Thanks for listening.