This is motherhood to me. The feeding tube, machines, hospital stays, messy clothes. Daily phone calls for hours scheduling appointments, advocating for certain treatments, + approving care. Evelyn’s medicine schedule is memorized, her treatments can all be done with my eyes closed. Even though we have 3-4 appointments a week, I can schedule one 8 weeks out and know exactly when it is. This has ALWAYS been what motherhood has looked like to me, I know no different. After all, Evelyn is who made me a mom.
To a large degree, I find that the fact that I have no idea of motherhood other than being a medical mom to be a huge blessing. I don’t know what it’s like to be able to take your kids out all day and not worry about a thing. I’ve learned from day one that I was to always have my stethoscope, a spare feeding tube, and medical bag handy. Never go too far away from home.
Autumn to me has always meant flu season is coming, & it’s time to not go in public anymore. I don’t know what it’s like to continue through, not thinking much of a runny nose. I’ve learned from day one that even the common cold has the potential to kill Evelyn. Our team has ingrained that in my head hundreds of times. And no matter what, Always. Wash. Your. Hands.
I’ve learned from day one how to check vital signs, hook up feeding tubes, and disconnect leads in a hospital room. And if I’m being honest, at times I’ve had a harder time adapting to Esmé and her needs than I have with what Evelyn required. I knew no different with Evelyn, and for some (insane) reason, at the time I felt like I wasn’t doing anything too different than a typical mom... I was after all just being a new mom.
I hear people say that mine & my husband’s lives have completely stopped for Evelyn. It hurts. This is life to us. We never had a parenting style that completely changed over after having a medically fragile child. To us, being parents started with fitting life around Evelyn and her medical needs, not to pausing it. This IS living to us, we aren’t paused for Evelyn, we are all living abundantly, Evelyn included
If parenting looks different on you too, embrace it. We were all made for our specific role❤️