Yesterday we got to soak up a whole day with just her, and it was beneficial for every heart involved. I am not, in my natural state, good at being “motherly”. I’ve never been good at playing barbies with them, or being imaginative. I’m not “jolly” or joyful naturally - I gotta fight to choose that ish daily, & the older that she gets the more I feel a divide building itself - no doubt due to my own upbringing, but I’m fully aware that the responsibility lies 100% in my own hands to break that divide down.
Mothering is HARD. We take our own shortcomings, experiences, and personalities and we use them the best we can to raise up the next generation. And that comes with pressures and growing pains for ourselves that we never could have prepared properly for, so we take it day by day - or minute by minute, honestly. Some days we are winning, some days we are losing, but no matter what our stage of the race - we have these little eyes watching & reminding us that quitting is never an option.
Last week I sat on the phone with a Pastor that Kyle and I love dearly and he said to me (in regards to something else) “I know you want to run from this, but now is not the time - now is where you lean in.” And you guys that simple (not really) sentence has followed my tired heart through SO MANY spaces this week - and for whatever reason, ESPECIALLY in my mothering.
So to the tired Mama, I see you. And I don’t care how easy anyone ever portrays it to you, do not hold your messy reality of mothering up next to anybody else’s squares. It’s not fair to you & it’s not fair to them either. We are all carrying our own crap, contemplating running - but the beauty really lies in the uncomfortable places of leaning in. Live your life, run YOUR race, love yourself and your people, and know that messy is where grace and growth abound - if we let them. ✨ #abidein2018 #motherlyspaces