11.30.17//: oh grief and trauma. welcome, my old friends. i am reminded in these moments that nothing about recovery is linear. it is not something that you wake up one day on the other side of, it’s never going to be something that you truly get through. it can be days, months, years. you can fall in love again. create new traditions. welcome new family members. perfect your new routines. experience laughter and joy. feel full, healed and healthy. then you lay down one night and when you wake up, you are back suddenly transported THERE. to the tightness in your chest. that burning at the back of your throat. to the acute feeling that you are losing something you can no longer grasp. your mind focuses on the could haves and if onlys. you keep realizing that there will always be numbers in your phone that ring to emptiness. that in this life, no matter how hard you search, you will never find them. and you know what? it fucking sucks.
i have to remember that i am not alone. that i have the most beautiful blessings in my life. i have people who have been in this shit too, the people who know to ask and know without me having to say it. in these moments, i want to surround myself with my battle-worn friends. the ones who have been through the thick of it, can remind me of beautiful valleys and open skies, and who are still fucking fighting to be here.
thank you today for the sunshine reflecting on the water. for the simple reminders of grace. for the blessings seen and felt. thank you for my chosen, who in the present and spirit world, protect and guide me.
#claimitgood #healing #alwaysandforever