For the people who don't understand, no matter how hard we try it's not possible to just "snap out of it" or "tell yourself to have a good day" and it'll work. It's not a choice. It's not enjoyable. No one would ever choose to feel this way and if there was an easy fix, trust me, we'd all be doing it. For me this has been a lifelong thing, it's terrifying and every day is a struggle and fight. Your brain is tormenting you with doubt, guilt, thoughts, negativity, self-hate, suicidal ideas. There's no escape, you can't run away. It's hard to enjoy much in life. Some of us keep trying to fight it but sadly some lose the fight. Please try not to judge. Some people beat cancer, some don't. It's the same, they are both illnesses. Just because you can't see something physically wrong, doesn't mean it's not real.
I have been so incredibly lucky to have had so much support from friends and family, yet it's still so fucking hard. Every day. Sometimes it may seem like we don't care, appreciate or need you guys but we really do. You are literally what keeps us going. But if you have a loved one who loses the battle, it doesn't mean they didn't love you any less, the fight just became too impossible. We often see ourselves as a burden to our loved ones so when depression is hitting really hard it seems like the only thing to do. It's not for attention. It's not being selfish. It's not showing weakness. The way our minds work, it sometimes really does seem like the only solution.
So I hope this helps some people understand. Not everyone will agree or like this post but from my perspective it's the truth.