Okay so this is obviously not a drawing of mine, but this will stay on my account. This is the newest release by @.
I have had this song on repeat for the last two and a half hours, and I’ve finally stopped crying. There’s no absolutely no negative message in this song at all, and I wasn’t crying because I was sad. I cried for so long because I’ve been looking for a “sign” of sorts.
As many of you know, I’ve been struggling with depression for a few years now. I’m very open with talking about my depression, because I don’t believe it’s something that’s healthy to keep inside. In October of 2017 I was officially diagnosed with epilepsy. When you’re epileptic, you’re very predisposed to depression. In the last year, my depression has taken over my life. I stay in bed 90% of the time, I occasionally go out but don’t like it. Sitting in my living room sends my anxiety thru the roof because it’s such a large room (I live in a small two bedroom apartment), and I’m very frequently sick as my immune system is compromised.
Anyways, I always have the thought in the forefront of my mind that things won’t get better, I won’t feel happy, and I won’t feel healthy. I’ve been hiding away.
This song spoke to me in a literal way. I’ve been doing the cliché thing of “looking for a message” for things to get better. The lyrics of this song felt like they were directed towards me (obvi not) when I first listened to it, and they still do. There is a lyric that actually says “don’t hide away”. “I know it makes you nervous
But I promise you it’s worth it
To show em everything you kept inside
Too shy to say, but I hope you stay
Don’t hide away
Come out and play”
Now those lyrics made me realize that I shouldn’t be wallowing in self pity, that I shouldn’t be sitting in bed sleeping, becoming nocturnal, doing absolutely nothing all because of my depression. It made me realize that I’m stronger than my depression, and that it’s, literally, just something in my brain. Something I can overcome. Something that I can beat. I know I can’t just snap my fingers and get over a mental health issue, but I can snap my fingers slowly. We can win.