🌫Recovering from depression🌫
I've been absent for quite some time now due to that awful mental illness called depression.
It's been the whole shebang, being unable to get out of bed, reply to messages, feeling overwhelmed by the existence of people, feeling absolutely and utterly useless and like a waste of space (👈 particularly nasty side effect), paranoia, loneliness, self-harm fantasies, nightmares, horrible mood swings, no appetite, the list goes on.
I wanted to write about all this when it was mental health awareness month, but I was too depressed to get anything done, that I was confident enough to publish. How's that for irony?
Thankfully I'm starting to recover. I'd like to say that it's thanks to the health care system and seeing a good psychologist who navigated me through the worst part. But sadly no, access to psychiatric care remains as elusive as ever. I am still trying though! And I will keep fighting for the health care I need.
It was my girlfriend sticking by me and taking care of me, despite being sick herself, that got me through. I wonder how many lesbians out there are keeping their partners alive right now? By loving, nurturing, listening, advising, and supporting them in any and all ways that they have come to learn, from being assigned the role of carer their whole lives. It's pride month now, a pretty good time to be coming out of a long term depression. I want to express gratitude to my girlfriend. For being an amazing lesbian and the best partner a queer saddo could have. Your emotional sensitivities continue to inspire and impress me. I'm also grateful for my other queer homegirl, my best friend, who is battling a pretty dark time of her own. I hope I can be there for you in all the ways a dysfunctional dyke like myself can be. Thank you for still coming around and checking in when no one else was. I've been pretty miserable to be around but you still showed your love despite all my flaws. Not many people on this planet can claim that.
I also want to thank @alisonbechdel for writing Dykes to Watch Out For. Reading her work made me realise that I'm part of a long lineage of depressed lesbos. >>continues in comments<<