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sapogonia

Came home to an altar of tulips doing magical things like looking beautiful amidst death. Travel tired. Downing coffee. Headed to my polling place. Digging through a million emails this afternoon and basking in the about to be joy of hugging my kid. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #govote #countryqueers #shenandoahvalley #motherhoodrising #scorpioseason

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sapogonia

Always finding little bits of my soul here to carry back home. Hasta luego 🙏🏽 . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #landofenchantment #newmexico

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sapogonia

Goodnight and good morning. I hope the thinning brought some wild sustenance back to your body 🙏🏽 . . . #nepantla #elcenote #diadelosmuertos #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #ancestorsrising #shenandoahvalley #traumaresistance #generationalhealing #witchesnewyear

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sapogonia

Replaced my fancy pen I lost some time ago thanks to @ameliaelizas, talked to my friend @mzshaps about plagues of our movements, planted some garlic and started a new bed, cleaned my house, packed the kids bag, took a little space horse ride to the cemetery, took a longer car ride to another cemetery to pour one out and ran into @bcortes_7, did Halloween, you know, pretty much killed my last day of staycation. Who knows what else I’ll get into before 3AM comes 💀 . . . #staycation #singersglen #shenandoahvalley #teamspacehorse #diadelosmuertos #ancestorscalling #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #elcenote #nepantla #countryqueers #witchesnewyear #scorpioseason

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sapogonia

I have been daydreaming about this Pakistani birthday stew for going on two weeks. It took me all day to cook it while catching up on birthday wishes from around the globe and writing, writing, writing. There is no photo evidence because I ate it all in a glorious feast. Afterwards, I ate the most magnificent donut cake that my mama made and that my friend @mzshaps recommended. Thank you for your love, your energy, your prayers, and your blessings. Your magnificence brings me joy and hope and vision. I can only hope to return the glory🖤🙏🏽🖤. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #shenandoahvalley #scorpioseason #brujxconocimiento

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sapogonia

I did not wake up to breakfast in bed, balloons or confetti but to a sleeping child lying amidst the blazing glory of the autumnal sun beaming through dew drops on the window. Waking up is everything in a year when I was not sure I would survive, in a year where death and grief followed me around, in a year I was almost certain I would not survive one more round of life’s despair. Today, I wandered about the woods to see everything around me both dying and living and all at once I felt at home amongst the wildness of things. Here I am, reborn another year, at the curtain of life and death, at the place that has come for me and that I have journeyed to see. Here there are those we have lost, pieces of ourselves we abandoned, and the visions that have come before. Together they are singing hoping that we may each hear and sense their sound and tremor to light the way. . . . #yearofeternalspring #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #shenandoahvalley #scorpioseason #nepantla #elcenote #traumaresilience #mentalhealthawareness #brujxconocimiento #staycation

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sapogonia

Basically #staycation means cooking and eating as much as humanely possible. . . . #yearofeternalspring #countryqueers #shenandoahvalley #cocinamexicana #elcenote #nepantla #zacatecana

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sapogonia

Scorpio season commence. May we all embrace shedding with a glorious welcome and dance 🐍♏️🌕🦂 . . . #yearofeternalspring #nepantla #elcenote #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #countryqueers #traumarecovery #traumaresilience

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sapogonia

Pre-ritual Friday night feast for el viento. The emerging darkness and cold of this season’s nights remind me of the pleasure of cultivating a summer’s bounty and the opportunity to hibernate - to be born again. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #traumarecovery #restforresistance #elotoño #foodasmedicine #countryqueers #radicalwomenco #everydaymagic #motherhoodrising #brujxconocimiento

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karinatio

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sapogonia

I spent a long time today watching the hearing where #metoo was on trial as much as anything else, as the voice of #anitahill rang in my ears and I saw a survivor stand in her conviction. There were more apologies and proclamations of #ibelieveher than I could count. It didn’t make me feel one damned bit better. As I watched and as the endless rain of this season comes down and night falls, I’m left wanting more from the cis men in my life who have loved me and who have believed me. . There is a type of rage and a type of holding space that I have yet to experience from them. When you say you believe us does it come with more than acknowledging our truth? Does it come with patience and support and camaraderie for when we’re having panic attacks or curled up in a corner or crying maniacally or writing until our fingers bleed or eating a ton of cheese or on a bender or working nonstop or floating around in disassociation or so mad that we can’t look at your face or talk to you because the truth is you’ve hurt us too? Are you in the streets with us and giving us space to do wtf we need to do to heal? Are you down for when we aren’t good and our lows have come to haunt us? Are you going to bat for us with your bros, your pops, your boss, your coach behind the scenes and over drinks? Are you raising your kids to know about, demand and give consent? Are you practicing respecting boundaries that you do not like? . This year, something really cracked open in me around all this, holding multiple traumas and ptsd responses that I didn’t expect or understand while being expected to caretake others emotions. Not here for it y’all and growing beyond the person I was and am for thinking that standard was reasonable. Survivors, across gender, I see you and I’m sending up a little light for us tonight because we deserve some blessings. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #smashthepatriarchy #bashback #stoptellingwomentosmile #survivorloveletter #traumarecovery #countryqueers #stopkavanaugh #ibelieveanitahill #stoprapeculture

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jonnacambrand

. . . . ...♕ ♕ ♕ ᴶ ᵁ ᴺ ᴳ ᴸ ᴱ ♕ ᵟ ᵁ ᴱ ᴱ ᴺ ♕ ᵀ ᴴ ᴵ ᴺ ᴳ ˢ ♕ ♕ ♕.. . . . yesterday for @wanderlustulum . . . . #photo#photoshoot#fashion#fashionphoto#fashionphotography#bohostyle#tulumstyle#dresses#beautiful#wanderlust#photgraphy#boho#hippiestyle#bohodress#vegan#slowfashion#organic#elcenote#jungle#junglevibes#gypsydress#woman#travel#dreamy#travellers#tulum#mexico#fashiontulum#tulumshops#bohoclothes

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sapogonia

Our friend Juan from @swopista and @arribanm took @teamreframe on a mural tour of #albuquerque, told us about the legacy of cultural organizing of native people here, and then fed us cerveza and a warm homemade caldo. The news is a dumpster fire these days, but people everywhere are keeping it moving in the direction of freedom, giving grace in ordinary and extraordinary circumstances, and building the relationships and infrastructure we need 🙏🏽 . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #teamreframe #communicanizersunite #liberationinourlifetime #newmexicotrue #landofenchantment

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twerk.therapy

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sapogonia

Daydreaming about Zacatecas y La Estancia. Seeing mirrors in these hills. Making moves on this journey. We got everything we need and smiling towards los nubes knowing they’ve got gifts we can’t even see coming. Falling in love everyday with the truth in these bones. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #zacatecas #florencia #laestancia #shenandoahvalley #countryqueers #elverano #traumarecovery #mentalhealthawareness #susto #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco

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solcitogagliardi

"El cafe ayuda a quien duerme poco y sueña mucho" Un viaje que fue un sueño hecho realidad! Lo ame.. 💗 @febebarrionuevo Gracias Pepa! #VivaMexico#AhCacao#SacameAlGordo#ElCenote#Cancun#AndaleWey#Ke#LasBombasDeHolanda#NecesitoUnaBrujula#CocoBongo#PlayaDelCarmen#LasCuevas#FourSeasonsResort#PuntaDeMita#SaunaSeco#SiSeñor#PlayaPalancar#IslaCozumel#BarAramara

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irinagurina

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sapogonia

•sound up• The last time I was in a church this small was in an equally small place in the mountains of Venezuela. There, some truth cracked open inside me and poured out of me in the form of tears that felt like rubber bullets. There amidst strangers, young and old, I found an honest bit of wisdom that only sacred space and stillness can bring. There, I felt stinging and resounding echoes of distant memories in my ears. • That nugget, like some volcanic rock, nestled itself under my heart, agitating me to anxiety, panic, and soul obliteration every time I refused stillness, refused listening. Eventually, it found me and when it found me, and I was ready to listen, it rolled out from my heart and rattled around in my rib cage before I realized it was an egg. Once I saw its truth I nourished it like a mother — like the mothering that every spirit longs for and deserves. I cradled it there amidst my ribs, warming it under the sun when I was able, turning it centimeter by centimeter, longing for and willing it to live. • Desire, there you are! And here, now in this church, 600 miles into the desert of Aztlán it hatches. The serpent emerges. My guardian, my ancestor, the reincarnation of the parts of my soul released from my body in susto coming home to nest. • Be free, I tell it. It makes a song and a flutter — a dance of freedom. • How strange I think that a being without limbs can dance. It hears my thoughts. “Are you sure?” It whispers. I catch my breath, exhale deeply, listo, and say yes mija, it is time. • Then, she makes her way from behind the lungs and through the throat. She comes pouring out of my mouth like Iturbide’s many serpents. As she bursts into the air I can see her many colors, her wings emerge, un picaflor, and for the first time I can see that home means freedom, that freedom lives inside me, that I am home. . . . #yearofeternalspring #nepantla #naguala #elcenote #aztlán lán #terlingua #tejas #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #traumarecovery #mentalhealthawareness #venezuela #trujillo #picaflor #home #iturbide #susto

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sapogonia

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sapogonia

Been dreaming about el cenote. Been writing, writing, writing. Been knowing. Been coming up for air. Been calling in chosen familia for each of their special skills. Been hitting my 205 day meditationversary. Been celebrating small victories. Been reflecting on the magic that is my life. Been seeing the gifts of ten years of deep commitment to sharing the stories that matter. Been seeing the spirits of the dead accompanying me. Been time traveling. Been growing. Been transforming. Ain’t no metamorphosis here yet but that molting sure is here (thank you @chaninicholas and los dos mariposa visitors for affirming my morning pages). Really, this is a post about all that and to say thank you and to say some things are coming and to say that eating this ceviche I made is probably the best thing that’s happened to me all year and I couldn’t be happier. . . . #elcenote #yearofeternalspring #nepantla #mariposa #traumarecovery #mentalhealthawareness #countryqueers #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising

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fernanda_rns

Friends that travel together, stay together. Otro más a la lista, los quiero 💕🇬🇹 . . . . . . . #guatelinda #cascadas #elcenote #musicunderground 😂

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a_gutiie

LAS FUENTES 🐠🌳🏊 #elcenote 💯

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sapogonia

Consistently the best thing about my Saturday’s. This kid is all the ground to my fire, wind, and water. Thank god for that, thank god. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #verano #sábado #motherhoodrising #childhoodunplugged #radicalwomenco #countryqueers

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sapogonia

Maybe you thought you were giving yourself a gift But you left it on my doorstep By accident Or chance Or serendipity Or fate The cause is no matter. There is purpose here. Here, there is ringing clarity amidst the shadows where we are lucky enough, have worked hard enough, to see the magic and mystery behind the veil. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #tejasbound #elverano #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #childhoodunplugged #mentalhealthawareness #traumarecovery #ptsd

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sapogonia

Monday night laundromat sunset planning ritual while in the ritual of folding, folding, fold the soul back into the body. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #naguala #motherhoodrising #countryqueers #radicalwomenco #mentalhealthawareness

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sapogonia

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sapogonia

Nice for what? Summer of jams, summer of sun, summer of goals, summer of dreams, summer of hustle, summer of sweat, summer of rest, summer of love, summer of liberation, summer of freedom, summer of desire, summer of stories, summer of ritual, summer of familia, summer of joy, summer of balance, summer of contradiction, summer of vulnerability, summer of balance, summer of dance, summer of beaches, summer of mountains, summer of viajes, summer of curiosity, summer of remembering, summer of writing, summer of making pictures, summer of self, coming home to self, coming home, coming home. Welcome. Reigning in the petty and keepin’ it moving. Join me. . . . #elverano #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #niceforwhat #motherhoodrising #countryqueers #shenandoahvalley #radicalwomenco #mentalhealthawareness

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sapogonia

Started a little brujx/witchy sharing thread over on WhatsApp. DM me if you’d like an invite. Low key, no stakes, low ego, no pressure, skill and knowledge sharing space. Altars, ritual, plants, astrology, tarot, the sky is the limit with an eye towards not appropriating shit, sharing resources and learning and supporting one another in this nonsensical reality we live in right now - and no we are not politically idle or neutral. Liberation based, trauma minded magic 🌕 image from @gottesss many moons workbook . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote

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sapogonia

Pulled this card this morning, a reflection of a decade of desire ready to move from the plane of the subconscious to this material world. Listening to every sign, every dream symbol, every card, every animal spirit that has crossed my path this month. Small reminders and big reminders that the universe is conspiring in my favor, I just need to keep doing the work. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #coatlicue #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #verano #slowhollertarot #mentalhealthawareness

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sapogonia

Started the #summersolstice weekend with the blessing of chosen family, a magical summer rain and ritual, and a deep unearthing of the foundation that remains when everything at the surface crumbles away. Feeling open to both strength and vulnerability, to both planning and spontaneity, to both goals and surprises. Cultivating fortitude amidst the deep spiritual, cultural, social, and political crises we are swimming in at this moment is imperative and not easy. As I feel joy and excitement creeping back into the crevices of my spirit for the journey ahead, I’m holding the contradiction of the call to show up for our people where and when we can. I am exploring, experimenting, and practicing balance and boundaries. I know I’m not alone in that quandary and grateful to each of you that have shared with me your own trials and tribulations the past few weeks. I believe in me and I believe in us. Solstice blessings to you all 🙏🏽 . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #coatlicue #verano #organize #movementbuilding #mentalhhealthawareness #traumaresilience #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #countryqueers #scenesfromsunday #freeourfutures #abolishice #nomoreprisons #slowhollertarot

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sapogonia

Despite the trappings and contradictions of nationalism and this one fighting a cold, we’re ready for this match! 🇲🇽 . . . #elcenote #yearofeternalspring #copamundial #elverano #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #méxico #vivaméxico #eltri

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sapogonia

Back yard kiddie pool lemonade and grilling in the blistering sun season is upon us. Looking towards the solstice with every bit of pride and joy for making it to this exact moment of gratitude. I am here. I am strong. I trust myself. Words I’ve fought so damn hard to say and believe. Thank you village, thank you 🙏🏽. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elverano #elcenote #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #mentalhealthawareness

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_johannahill_

Tbt in a magic place 💦

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sapogonia

Stuck in Dublin for yet to be determined amount of time. Do you think the universe is just trying to test my stamina and resiliency these past few weeks? Pulling it out of the deepest wells y’all, because I am stubborn and determined as the best of them and lord knows I’ve seen worse. Grateful to the ancestors and compxs who’ve been pulling out all the stops. #notmyfinaldestination . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #motherhoodrising #dublin #countryqueers #radicalwomenco

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sapogonia

I didn’t burn it or put it in a box. I couldn’t. I built an altar, a homage to love and all the things that it gifted me. A homage to a sacred vessel that was familia and to a place that I had come to think of as home. There is no room for bitterness here. There’s only room to grow that with which we were blessed to live, to pass it on. What an honor to have such an experience, to meet another soul in both the light and the dark, to ride the waves of this thing called life, for but a moment in time on the watch of the universe. . I place the unsent letter here: making magic, making alchemy, making life. . “Below the full moon: humid breeze, magical coves, secret scrubs… And the unicorn in the heightened wild scrubland, ready to flee, alert and tense.” . Here I meditated, prayed, held space, gave thanks this week. Is this grief? . Time, I whisper. It is everything and nothing. We crossed aeons to get to one another. And now? We let a mere ocean get in the way. . Oh, this is pain and sorrow and rage and joy and love - the thing we call heart break but that is too vast for just one word or organ. . Time, I whisper again. It is everything and nothing. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #countryqueers #maracaibo #venezuela

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sapogonia

This snake manifested before me today. I received this message last summer when another Black snake came to me... The last one dead, this one shedding. “The snake asked that you have a ritual in which you shared your energy with your environment, with the river or stream. The snake is your protective totem, a water snake. In indigenous symbology, all ancient snakes were snakes of water. The snakes are great water creators, they are near the springs of rivers, the protectors and guardians of hydral cultures, of water, the fountains and springs of rivers. Latin American and Asian cultures hold them as water protectors. It told Leslie, "I am a water snake". Its colors were vibrant, purple and green... The snake that you saw was the protector of the river where you were. It manifested itself at that moment because your totem manifested itself at that moment. Proof of the connection. A clear line of communication.” . Ok universe, I hear you. I hear you. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #coatlicue #traumarecovery #countryqueers #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #mentalhealthawarenessmonth

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sapogonia

Dentists. May 2018. My then partner had been insisting I take care of my physical health. He worried about my vessel as much as I worried about his. It took almost a year of a decent salary and good health insurance to convince me I could. I scheduled the appointment for a physical before I left the states. My body filled with dread, but I did it. While I was in Maracaibo, I went to the dentist. He scheduled the appointment for me and we went in just days before I was to depart. . It should have been a filling for a cavity and a routine cleaning. The dentist gently fills my cavity. I breathe. It’s been over a decade since I’ve had this done. She moves onto the cleaning. I breathe again. She begins, to scrape under the crevices of my gums. Inhale, I tell myself. I try not to choke but my mouth is filled with cotton and blood and pain. There is nothing routine about decades worth of shame filling your mouth with blood. You know it’s not your fault, but you cry anyway. You cry out of anger. You cry out of pain. You cry because you are exhausted. Head spin. Tail spin. Spinning. . When we talk about trauma collectively we too often conflate it with single incidents, but there is a trauma that is the trauma of the osmosis of oppression or generations of pain we’ve inherited. As much as we have our resilience and our resistance, we have these other things too. . The dentist worked to keep up with the blood but had to call it before she could finish. I slid off the chair and slinked into the car. I felt like I’d run a marathon. . Shame is such an invasive feeling. It holds onto your vibrations like glue and becomes you when it is present. You become it, embodied, and you wait for the worst of everything to fall into your lap. Shame gives a home for our inner demons to play. They dance their way out of our psyches and into our conversation and our actions. They tell you to go on the defense - to protect yourself before the cards fall. I’d like to say I can’t recognize this person, but I know her well. I’ve known her for a long time despite my efforts to shove her into a corner, to pretend that she was not a part of me. . Contd below

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octomask

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sapogonia

Yesterday’s prelude to a full moon. I never get tired of this view and the magic in the sky. Never wary of throwing my questions into this wind. Keep following the wind someone once told me 4 1/2 years ago as they cleansed me in the way of their indigenous tradition. I was pregnant and maybe for the first time began to see the spirit inside of me - what it longed for, what it deserved, what it dreamed of and desired for its wholeness. That too happened on the side of a mountain - in Tennessee at another holy place. I was grateful then. I am more grateful now. Follow the wind I remember. The truth has been there all along. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #shenandoahvalley #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #countryqueers #traumarecovery

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sapogonia

I believe in redemption. I believe in hope. I believe in possibilities and imagination and liberation. I believe in kindness. I believe in forgiveness. I believe in courage and bravery. I believe in love and desire. I believe we are not what has happened to us. I believe it is possible to heal and that it is not linear and that it is fucking messy. I believe that messy is OK. I believe that we are not striving for perfection. I believe that sometimes the only way out is through. I believe that what the universe presents in endings are openings. I believe that what feels hard pushes us to be better, to do better, to be the best version of ourselves. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #countryqueers #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #bipolar

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sapogonia

Santos and I danced in the morning drizzle. We ate plantains and pasta. We played with a new saber tooth tiger and his spider man walkie talkies despite their lack of batteries. His resilience and joy reminds me of mine. I stuck my hands in dirt for the first time in a long while. I pulled weeds like a mad person. Once they were all out, I worried about the coming rain. What now would hold the moisture? No matter. The flowers can now breathe and it is time for ground cover, for coaxing, for rebuilding soil. . In the backdrop I saw the lilies just starting to bloom. Lilies. I couldn’t help but laugh at this grand gesture of the universe, at this symbol of our love, at the dream that started it all, at this reminder of all the sweetness your love did and does hold, at the irony of blooming. . The universe is pulling at both of us, pulling us apart, pushing us together, pulling again like taffy that can never quite regain its shape, testing the waters for what kind of shape we can be together, an ancestral and amorphous one, I believe, one that is meant to change, and to change, and to change. . I realized somewhere between January and now that love has both limited capacities and abundance. In and of itself it can hold many things, but it must be both cast and received in a broad net. Love, it must be fed with gratitude, consistently, over time, across time, across space, across people. Without this it cannot survive. It must change, we must change, like the water. . You always said there was something about water. Yes, there is something about water. Can we survive its tides? Its flooding turning creeks into rivers and then into oceans of our imagination? Can we surrender to its power and know that this new shape that we take is how we survive? . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #bipolar #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #traumarecovery

0

sapogonia

Of course, I could not sleep. One morning this week I had the great luxury of meditating on this beach in Miami for an hour. During that time I could feel my mind trying to find the way back to itself, trying to carve out new neuro-pathways. Logic clashes with instinct. . On my trip to Venezuela I was triggered around sexual trauma. It was an innocent occurrence, but it sent me into two weeks of manic spiraling and one week of deep depression. The symptoms for me include high anxiety (including frequent attacks), compulsive sharing and rapid conversation and instigation, and the feeling of dying which really means the feeling of the weight of a car on my chest. During this part of the cycle I can “function” but people around me are often worse for the wear because my entire body and mind is oriented around survival. Meanwhile, my spirit floats around desperately trying to ground my mind and body in what it knows to be true - this is not a situation that needs surviving. These spells creep up around triggers and for most of the past year have been consuming my life and my relationships bit by bit. . I write all this down publicly, because I must and because too many of us are suffering in silence - even if we have strong support networks. Our people sometimes cannot avoid internalizing the intensity that we bring, cannot stay in with us for their own self-preservation, have not experienced nor can understand the rapid cycle of mistrusting one’s own mind. . There is a danger in lending one’s behavior entirely to outside factors - though they certainly play a role. I am clear with myself that a lifetime’s worth of unresolved trauma and survival has mostly been handled by throwing myself into movement and being a workaholic. I made a decision around this time last year to step away as I could to get a grip on what I could feel was spiraling out of control. Then, and now, I knew I would lose some pieces of my life along the way, but that what I was gaining was what I needed to focus on, even if being healthy seems impossible. . I instituted a number of practices this past year that I’ve stuck with steadily. They have helped but they have also opened up a deep...

14

sapogonia

A few weeks ago I jumped off a mountain in Venezuela and flew like a bird. Since then I started therapy, have been working to identify patterns of mental illness, wrote a love letter that never got delivered, my partner broke up with me, a rock cracked my car windshield, my basement flooded four feet, Santos’ daycare had a staff walk out, officiated my best friends’ commitment to one another, cooked brunch for 30 people, started a new job, went to Miami, will be in England the week after next, and my mom’s illness still goes undiagnosed (insurance on its last legs) causing a significant amount of financial and other stress. . Colette Carter once told me that one’s saturn return doesn’t really call it a wrap until 33. @mzshaps reminded me a few weeks ago that this indeed was it and that I have everything I need. @breedlovecaitlin taught me that the hardest thing to do is to stay in. @lyles.probably @prima.de.afuera @rootabega and @vansickm12 show me over and over again what it means to have someone’s back. . Today, as someone I love told me he was walking away, I was reminded of a quote, I am mine before I am anyone else’s. I was reminded of my power and of jumping off that mountain - of the fear that resided nowhere in my body at that moment no matter how high in the sky we flew. My dad always told me to fly like a bird and to be free. I come from a legacy of scrappy working people who have taught me everything about surviving the greatest odds, who have taught me what it means to fight for a freedom just because we can taste it. I am brave, I am courageous, and my life is mine. I choose to stay in and though today is hard, and tomorrow will be hard too, I’m grateful for each of you (named and unnamed) that stay in with me. I couldn’t do it without you. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #venezuela #trujillo #paragliding #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #countryqueers #thisis30 #radicalwomenco

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sapogonia

In this journey the people you think and desire to show up sometimes don’t. Maybe they can’t or won’t or maybe you just can’t see the ways that they are - longing for something that no one can give you but yourself. Along the way there are surprises too - salvation in the form of unsung angels who help you believe in yourself, validate your feelings of unfairness and burden, who help you see the light outside of the dark, who show you what to walk away from and what to walk towards by their very presence, who are committed to helping you emerge from the cave. Trust or faith is funny that way. It comes and it goes or at least it wavers from visibility in your periphery. This human flaw I find somewhat comforting, because it means that conditions can transform and that means there can be this thing called hope. . . . #elcenote #yearofeternalspring #countryqueers #shenandoahvalley #radicalwomenco #bipolar #mentalhealthawarenessmonth

2

sapogonia

Sometimes on the way home the light hits just right, and I remember as I look over the hills that I believe in some god and that this land feels like some sort of vessel of its body. I smell the creek beds and an early hint of honeysuckle, the must of damp soil mixed with the cutting of hay. I remember to breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. The sadness expelled from my lungs is overwhelmed by this miracle. I hold on for dear life, feeling a stirring somewhere, somehow knowing that the ground beneath my feet will catch me no matter how many times I fall, no matter how isolated and abandoned my mind tricks me into thinking I am. That’s worth something. That’s worth everything really. . . . #elcenote #yearofeternalspring #countryqueers #shenandoahvalley

6

karolyynna

2

sapogonia

What if you have mania? She tells you As a question You already know Two opposite poles of a compass What does it mean to live when you don’t know how to trust yourself? There goes the laundry and your job Stability? What is that? You try to build it around you in one breath You try to destroy it too Is this sickness? Is this a gift? The color of shit where do we make home? People fear us who you say? All of you Me too I fear me How do you live when you’re afraid of yourself? . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #mentalhealthawarenessmonth

5

felicetti_federica

2

_jonathan.santana_

10

_jonathan.santana_

0

_jonathan.santana_

0

sapogonia

When @mzshaps and @redredrogue rescue a 20-30 year old t-shirt from its journey to the dump and mail it to you just in time for your travel journey that thus far has only included a few hours of sleep. Leaving the states to see my love and catch my breath. Plan on spending an inordinate amount of time disconnected from my phone, reading, writing, staring at mountains, being loved on and loving @_danielcber, taking in sun, and remembering the long lineage of #countrywomen who have my back no matter what the future holds. • • • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #countrywomen #motherhoodrising #rural #venezuela #maracaibo #gratitude

5

sapogonia

The Peace of Wild Things BY WENDELL BERRY • When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free. • • • #wendellberry #yearofeternalspeing #elcenote

3

sapogonia

Mothering has been full of complaining lately. Lord knew I needed a three year old with the will power of a grown person. He gets it honest, I know. Some days all I can think about is how tired I am trying to balance keeping him safe and not squandering his free spirit. That’s the crux of it. This morning as the rain hit the roof, I was engrossed in my writing, in reflecting. I was pulled out by the scuffling of sockless feet that then crawled up into my lap. He hardly fits there anymore, and I thought to myself, for all the complaining and the exhaustion, I’m gonna miss this era of childhood and parenting when it’s over. Kids are such an image of the illusion, complication, and reality of time. • • • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #childhoodunplugged #countryqueers

6

sapogonia

Quit my job. Feeling free. Feeling held. Waiting for the universe to bring what’s next. Meditating on Audre Lorde, “I am who I am doing what I came to do.” Just getting a little clearer and closer every day. Learning from this one about being uninhibited, unhinged, uncertain, and unplanned in all its drama and glory. • • • #elcenote #yearofeternalspring #motherhoodrising #childhoodunplugged #radicalwomenco #sábado #shamoftheperfect

13

mhyri

1

sapogonia

I find myself in the great position of luxury and fortune to be able to contemplate about what to do with the rest my life. Tell me, if fears and money and time were no obstacle, what do you think I should be when I grow up? (This is not a rhetorical question) • • • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers

8

sapogonia

What I would really love is if this mercury retrograde would come for the patriarchy. So. Fucking. Over. It. More trees, less bullshit. I’m recommitting this spring to not bending over backwards for anybody (except my kid) who isn’t reciprocating that energy back with the full gusto it deserves. I’m recommitting to not letting strangers zap me of what feels like precious energy. No, I’m not special, but I’m recovering from years of giving it away and damnit it is finite. I read somewhere I’m supposed to envision an endless well but that must be the 2.0 of this journey that I can’t even fathom yet. Hoping this last minute, last gasp of winter snow coming tonight takes my bitterness with it when it melts. In the meantime, there’s frozen pizza and spilling my guts on paper in some maybe vain effort to learn how to trust people again. • • • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco

1

sapogonia

No words just lots of moods and memories. • • • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #countryqueers

2

sapogonia

Today has been the kind of day between work and meals and very long to do lists that has included crying over these arepas I found buried in the back of my fridge. Long distance is tough when your love is such good medicine for your spirit. Missing @_danielcber and daydreaming about our next visit while I stare at spreadsheets wishing for time travel and transfiguration. • • • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #arepas #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising

2

vonvon8583

About yesterday 💚 #chichenitza#finallypyramids #mexico#elcenote#sinkholes#familytrip#lesspicturesmorememories

0

sapogonia

Woke up in prayer. For the kids, for pacha mama, so that we may all stand in some dignity in the now and for what is to come. I saw the morning light, consecrated my blessings and saw the truth. I’ve worked hard for this place - a place where my soul can rest and where my mind and body can land after journeys of all kinds. Home sweet home. • • • #elcenote #yearofeternalspring #motherhoodrising #countryqueer #rural #radicalwomenco

2

sapogonia

Sometimes you’ve been on the road for two weeks and you find these little airport gems offering you the warmth of #hojicha tea and reminding you that you’re almost home and that your life is kind of a dream 🍵 So tired, so ready to hug my kid, so grateful, so blessed to keep playing my role in this wide world of people fighting for liberation. #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #gratitudepractice #EWR #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #teamreframe18

1