my body and i have a complicated relationship. phases of overweight, underweight, hormone issues, obsessive calorie counting, undereating, over exercising, under exercising, and plenty of disdain for the body i’ve been given. but lately something has changed, and it isn’t physical. when we moved, the first thing i did was find a gym in austin, mostly to try to find some sort of routine and way to keep something familiar from our old life and to make sure i saw real live humans a few days a week. it turned out to be my lifeline. it’s the thing i most look forward to every day because i adore the people that i get to move beside. and it wasn’t until a few months into our new life that i realized i felt like i was spending less quality time with ben when he pointed out we used to take walks together several times a week in annapolis and hadn’t done it once since leaving. gods, that made me so sad. there’s nothing i look forward to more than knowing i get to pause work when he gets home to head outside and walk and sort out life along the way. getting up and moving has been my big rock, the habit i’m most focused on cultivating these days and while my body gives me signs of being grateful for more daily movement, my heart feels so full when moving becomes a way of exploring, adventure, and connecting with my favorite people and not just something i have to do to stay thin or lose weight. my body may not ever fit the mold that society says it needs to to be perfect or beautiful, but it will always be the perfect vessel for holding space for joy and love and getting stronger just means i’ll be over here dancing longer and giving better hugs.