Head Trauma (September 24, 2018 • Full Moon in Aries journal entry): "you will never have your vision of happiness in partnership and family you desire because you are gay, trust me I tried it" "you know what the Bible says about homosexuality, I love you but I cannot allow that in my home" "Are you dating a boy or a girl? I know you said you were gay but I still have to check" "your astrology says committment and being a mother is not for you...actually, please don't have children...I'm begging you" "You still want kids?!" Over the last year, these words (not verbatim, but as close as the pain will allow me to remember) and ideas have come from some of the people I love the most. A mother, a lover (now ex-lover), etc. My dreams of partnership and family were put through the shredder. And not by the people who said these things, but by me. I took on these perspectives of myself and made them my reality. I felt stuck in other people's ideas, calculations, and timelines of me. Why? Because I silenced my heart and believed them, even before they came along to affirm this lack of commitment to self: self-acceptance, self-love, self-worth, self-empowerment, and belief in self. These little seeds had been planted long ago. I just allowed others to freely water my head trauma and watch it grow. And oh, did it.
I acknowledge this burden, and rip it out from the root. I now release this burden as I make room for my heart's desires to be received.
I encourage you do the same.
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