“Strip me down to nothing - nude beneath the moon, stars afire under feet. & on bare, unbranded body, I’ll write: ‘This isn’t all of me’” — Amanda Torroni
You’ll have to forgive me for taking so long to get things right, but the truth is, I was completely broken by men long before I ever had the chance to learn to be loved by them. I spent the next decade trying to run and hide from my experiences while punishing myself for what I believed was my fault. I believed that the dysfunction I experienced was love, and thought that if I could hurt and leave people before they hurt and leave me, maybe I would finally hurt a little less.
THIS decade I’m trying to spend getting real honest about who I am and what I’m coming from, while simultaneously learning to forgive people who have never been sorry, unlearn dysfunctional patterns and beliefs, right my wrongs, and heal up any wounds that have gone untreated. I don’t know when I’ll finally get it right, or if I ever will at all, but I will commit to give it my absolute best effort.
I pray that eventually I will learn, not just through words but through action, that love doesn’t mean dysfunction and manipulation, intimacy doesn’t mean destruction and degradation, and that abandonment isn’t a guaranteed part of the process.
I share this with whoever needs to hear it because I know that plenty of us are going and growing through things, and sometimes we need to hear that we’re not alone in it. I wish all of you grace and good intensions as you sort through the mess, as well as patience for anyone that chooses to walk with us while we journey ❤️
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