i feel so burnt out. my entire life i’ve spent living in a fantasy in my head. i was blinded to everything in reality. no matter what anyone said in any given situation, i chose not to listen but instead play scenarios in my head that were always in my favor. i would make excuses for other people’s words and actions so that it’d fit the part more realistically. i’d always make excuses so that i could be satisfied living in my head. only recently have i seen the walls of my mind begin to collapse and turn to dust, leaving me to face reality. the whole world seems upside down to me right now. my heart feels broken. shattered. . the feeling of wanting to burst into tears but physically not being able to release a single one is all i’ve been feeling. i feel like i keep trying to find temporary fixes to fill a void within me. everything that i’ve been thinking seems wrong. i don’t know what to think anymore. or do anymore. i keep getting visited by an unsettling feeling of emptiness. numbness. i haven’t been wanting to leave my bed lately. socialization with anyone has just felt forced and like an inconvenience. . though everything i’m currently feeling is not ideal and is putting me in pain. . i’m escaping my fantasies. i’m escaping the things and feelings that were never true, even if it’s leaving me falling flat on my face. . this is only growth. i’m only becoming more aware of my true self by feeling and experiencing this. this is just bringing me to heal. . i just need healing.