It was the middle of the night, St. Patrick's Day 2012. I was limping through the hospital halls, IV pole in hand, having a full blown panic attack. My nursing baby, 2 littles & husband were snug at home without me & I was so lost. There was a disconnect in my mind & heart while I kept trying to figure out how I got there.
The month before I had woken up with a herniated disc, a dragging leg & a whole host of bewildering symptoms (hello, misdiagnosed Lyme) that had left me powerless & bedridden. My motherhood, my abilities, my everything felt shattered.
The doctors told me it was just anxiety or just fibro or just that disc problem that was assaulting my entire body. To have the surgery & all would be well. But I knew that it was more than just my back injury that was breaking my body & mind.
There were plaques lining the halls of the neurosurgery department. On one I found a poem called Roses Grown at Moonlight & I knew it was going to be my journey. It spoke of these roses that could only be grown through dark & difficult nights. How the time of darkness was what they needed to grow in beauty & depth. And I wept deeply because I knew my surgery in the morning was only going to be one step forward when I needed 100 steps to get my life back.
I was right. There was a time over the years that I couldn't walk distances. Uneven ground, rocks & steps were off limits. My bed was my constant & getting outdoors was something I dreamed of but seemed impossible. I never stopped fighting to get ahead though & taking steps forward which is what made all the difference.
All of this beauty was yesterday. More steps & adventure in a couple hours, literally, than I've undertaken in the 6 years past! It was glorious! 🙌🏻 I share because it's become my passion to inspire others to not give up! God has brought so much beauty through my long season of darkness. It's powerful to be able to encourage, bless & help others move forward with their health, emotions & faith because I know how dark the dark can be. You're not alone, friends. Never give up.