In my mid-twenties I discovered that I had nodules on my thyroid that, along with other symptoms, made my weight fluctuate. Whenever I would lose weight, I would just take it for granted.
Every time I would gain even a little weight, I would become depressed and so hateful & toxic towards myself. I would body shame myself for gaining weight and become frustrated that no matter what I did, I could just not shed it. *
This picture was taken during one of those “bad periods of time” & I swear to you that I couldn’t bring myself to look at it for the longest time, because I was afraid of my toxic brain’s reaction.
A couple of years ago, at a routine check-up the good news came that my three rather large thyroid nodules, had resorbed and I now only had one smaller nodule left. This was a miracle that even my endocrinologist could hardly believe.
It was at that moment that, along with the feeling of relief, an even more powerful feeling washed over me: SHAME.
How could I have been such a bully to my sick self? How could I torture myself when I was at my lowest point? Who does that? I felt like crying & it felt like my spirit and my body were crying with me.
That was such a low point for me, because in the miracle of my recovery, the mess that I had made of myself had also been revealed. *
Now, old patterns are hard to break & I must admit that now and then I catch myself having toxic thoughts, but I just let them fly away. There are many things that we prioritize in our lives & it’s a shame that we only seem to get our mind straight when things “happen”, but if you made it so far with this caption, then please take one thing as a lesson from my experience “the only true companion that you have in life is YOU!”
The many parts that make “YOU” who you are may seem at times disconnected, but they belong together & the more you try to alienate parts of yourself, they will always seek each other out.
And believe me, other people’s opinions are NEVER more important than for you to be WHOLE! Please, remember to be your friend & let the parts of you come together and be happy within this wonderful dome that is YOU! *
Lots of LOVE!