Today as I worked out, I struggled. Not with the workout ( although it was intense). But with what I’ve been trying to bury and avoid.. I started to get upset and angry to the point I thought I was going to be sick. Do you ever have a voice telling you to quit. A voice telling you things that distract you from what your trying accomplish? That’s been happening a lot lately for me. And it’s held me back from moving forward. I’ve been avoiding facing things head on because avoidance means it’s not real. He’s not really gone. He’s just “away”. It’s like a sadness that sneaks up on you out of nowhere and paralyzes you.
Yeah. That’s Satan trying to lie to you. Trying to lie to me. Trying to keep me from doing something that scares him. Trying to keep me in this place where as I say. Im just... just.
Today at least for the time being something shifted. When I looked down at my clothes, I realized I was wearing the same outfit the morning I found out about my brother. I Looked down and ARMY which he was so proud to serve in, had a new meaning to me... like a soldier a new strength has been planted in my soul.. ARMY
💫Always Remember My Y💫
Today I screamed through the pain. I allowed myself to cry through the hurt in my heart. Today I admitted I was Angry , lost, confused. Today I was able to admit to myself that I am afraid to move forward because I feel guilty that I’m here and he’s not and today I realized I’ve allowed Satan to plant these lies in my heart and I told Satan to Fuck Off!
It’s going to be a long road to jus be “OKAY” and you know what. I’m okay with that. Because until I’m OKAY. I’m going to ARMY! Because than my circumstances and if you can relate this in any kind of way I want you to know too 💙💙