📌...I remember it like it was yesterday but it is foggy and feels like a lifetime ago.
I was pregnant for the second time but knew I was as miscarrying. I was in a little pain and my doctor had said if I start cramping badly to immediately come to the ER.
Brad and I went to a show that night because I never want life to stop just because...life may be stopping. I remember thinking as long as I don’t think about the spotting, the pain, I’m still pregnant so I did what I could.
Quick as the show started, the pain was so severe I leaned over to Brad who was standing beside me worried about me and said, “I’m fine. But I have to go sit on the sides. You stay. I promise I’m fine...”
My stomach was cramping so bad, the pain was severe and I knew where we were headed that night but I also “knew” that as long as I didn’t say it out loud I was still pregnant.
I waved at him sweetly several times, he came over “Jessica, we need to leave. This show is not important.” “No babe. Swear I’m fine. It just hurts a little. I’m fine.”
As I wept on the way to the ER not knowing but knowing, I would later learn it was an ectopic pregnancy and I would need a D & C.
Three days later, I was released to go home and life felt like a blur.
How could this have been my second miscarriage? God? Do you know who I am?
I have nannied and reared more babies than I can count! Do you have the right girl?
Anger turns to sadness turns to grey turns to hopelessness. How could this happen again.
Be gentle with your friends going through infertility. Suggesting great alternatives to their pain...
you need a hobby,
I’d give you mine, she’s terrible!
All don’t help.
Sitting through doctors appointments. Picking up the phone.
Looking her in the eye.
Letting her cry.
Privately giving her something to remind her of her loss.
Those things help. Those things heal. Those things give hope. Those things make the pain just a little less.
Offering open hands instead of advice on how to navigate infertility is what is most needed when she’s in the trenches...
What she needs is for you to get your shovel and dig another trench and lay down beside her.