Greetings from a girl I used to know...A year passed since I started all over in a new city, finally made it into university 5 years after graduating from school. The colors seemed so different here, like the air that filled up my lungs , stoking up a fire of happyness and excitement. A feeling that was so strong that I was afraid to burst from inside. New friends, a new life. We were crying tears of joy. “Is this life?“ I couldn't believe it from time to time. “after all, I am finally alive“.... am I still alive? I try to get a little glimpse back to these days of new beginning. Hush, hush, maybe right around the corner , where I used to sit with my new friends this time last year. Nobody is there , the leaves start to fall. My heart aches. Bittersweet, overwhelming waves. I am afraid to burst from inside. Am I still here at last? I'm opening my appartment door, trying to make my way through all this clothes and books on the floor. Who was here? All this doesn't look like my home but it looks like myself from inside at the moment. . I hate myself for not being able to keep anything together in my life. A life that makes me stumble all the time over the mess I caused myself. Always between sky high and deeper despair than before. My home doesn't feel like home and after this year I even don't feel home anymore in the house I grew up. Maybe it does feel like home, like coming back after a long journey, a journey through a year full of happynes and light - so much that it was maybe too much to take and so I had to go and now I am here again. Welcome back. Will I remember all the places I called home someday?
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