Anyone follows me knows what this wising flower means to me, I have lots of thoughts within my head as we are around the due date for our little warrior that didn’t make it. I’m not distancing myself from this memory or the memory of our previous losses, but I’m trying to look upon it with positivity in the reflection.
The sadness is there and I’ll carry that forever but in amongst it was the joy of the life short lived, the scans, of seeing the little heartbeats, of the comfort of my hand on Mrs H’s belly thinking of the connection I was making, of the joy of discovering new names and wondering whether they would fit or suit our little one, the plans made, promises given, although unfulfilled.
Of how lucky I am to be a father and to six wonderful children, when the world is cruel and hard and conspires against so many people and they are unable to conceive or suffer losses of their own.
It’s hard to not get drawn into the loss and the grief behind it but every time I look at my tattoo or I see a wish blowing in the wind for that moment I have a smile and I know our little people are safe and are reminding me that they are ok and we will see them one day.
I have the silent tears and pondering moments of what could have been of faces unseen, little hands not grasped, toes not counted, voices left unheard,
I am only a man after all!
So it’s poignant especially at Christmas not to get caught up in the commercialism I don’t know what the true meaning of Christmas is and it varies from person to person but start with looking around you and enjoying your family and loved ones, smile, hold them close, love them fiercely and just revel in their company!
Goodnight my lost little wishes, my beautiful things. Merry Christmas, follow that star home and always know that daddy loves you💔