All of our photos have one sour face lately, and it's always whoever isn't holding Sissy. Do your kids fight over the baby? Sometimes I wonder if she even knows me, since she's passed around so much. I wrote a blog all about it (link in profile). Here's an excerpt:
I'm in a deep sleep, and suddenly your squeaks break up the white noise coming from the monitor on my nightstand.
Without looking at the clock, I know.
And you need your bottle.
The streetlights are on and cats are roaming the neighborhood, and it's just Us.
In your room.
In our chair.
With our moon.
You relax in my arms, and I feel my shoulders soften, as I drink in the sweetness of this moment.
Eventually, you let go. In a deep sleep, your mouth still gaping open as I take the bottle out of your mouth.
This is Our Time.
The time when it's just You and Me.
The time when it is quiet and I don't have to share you with anyone else.
The time when no one else needs anything.
The time when my only responsibility is holding You, and reminding you that you are Safe.
And as your warm body is totally relaxed in my arms, I wonder.
Do you know I'm your Mommy?
I wonder if my smell is different, and you know it's Me.
I wonder if I feel different, and you know it's Me.
I wonder if you know my breath and my touch and my silence.
I wonder if you know its Me.
And then, my sweet baby, I realize.
You know it's Me.
You know I'm your Mommy.
Because no one else smells like me and feels like me and breathes like me, and knows every last inch of You.
You know what Us feels like.
I take a deep breath and smile inside.
Yes, I wish we had more moments like this.
But for now, I will live for this special time, each night, when we meet at 3am.
When it's just Us.
And so, my sweet baby, I'll see you in a few hours when you wake up. I'll be getting your brothers breakfast and I'll lay you on the rug with your bottle as you watch the morning rush.
We may be able to steal a few moments together throughout the day.
But even if we don't, we know we'll have Our Time again the next time the clock strikes 3am.
I'll meet you here.
When all else is still.
For Our Time.