5 Ways to Spot a Good Dominant
BY: Anna Gibson
Takeaway: D/s relationships are unique, but they're still relationships and should include all the care and respect you'd expect from anyone you spend time with.
There are a number of questions that people new to the BDSM lifestyle, both Dominant and submissive, would like to know about the scene. One of the most prevalent questions that submissives have is what we should do when we’re considering a Dominant to engage in a D/s relationship. Below, I’ve listed five ways to spot a good Dominant. If your Dominant is missing more than one of these things you should probably consider looking elsewhere.
They Must Be Willing to Negotiate the Parameters of the Relationship
Believe it or not, there are a number of Dominants that I find, both on Fetlife and out in the real world, that claim that if they’re in a relationship with a submissive, anything they say goes. This strips the submissive of their rights and bodily autonomy. Submission is a gift, one that should be cherished and honored within the context of the relationship. Find someone who honors and respects you, not just someone who dominates you.
They Honor the Needs and the Boundaries of Their Submissive
Just because someone is a Dominant doesn’t mean that they can do anything they want to a submissive. As stated above, many Dominants have a "my way or the highway" type of attitude that can lead to emotional or psychological damage. If they do push your boundaries physically, you could end up damaged and scarred for life. If they hurt you emotionally, you could end up in therapy for the rest of your life. If they seem more interested in what you can do for them (to a point this is completely normal) and never mention or continue to push your needs to the side, it’s time to find another relationship
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