CHEESE ALERT: Time for an ultra-gooey public profession of how gouda you all are and how much you make me melt ❤ ( ), and to get real with you. Too many to tag, but I'm confident you know who you are.
Throughout 2018, I jotted down compliments the exceptional folks in my life threw my way. I wrote some of the key words where I see them every day. I trust you all on everything else--why not this? (I highly recommend doing this. Hit me up if you need some ways you're amazing.) These are the things I'm focusing on being, instead of angry, bitter, or vindictive. I almost set the monster we all know I can be loose. . (Everyone thank the genuinely nice guy who made me pause and reconsider.) It's no secret my life has been...intense. I'm pretty public about a lot--closets are for clothes, not skeletons. As you can see, plenty of you praise my strength, courage, bravery, etc. in handling bullshit thrown my way over the years. But you also know the traumas left me with baggage that never stops being hard to carry. I'm forever grateful for those who know to check in on your strong friends--when we break, we tend to shatter, and to do so in secret.
The most recent troubles should've been easy, compared to what I've handled before. But I didn't handle it well. It seemed like I had the "reason" things happened for: a life I could finally stop surviving and just fucking live. But it's not that simple, and that has been hard.
Finding a therapist is hard. Living alone is hard. Finding that things finally working out might not really? Devastating. I spun out. I damn near gave up a few times.
But I have a support network of exceptional humans. The lighthouse in the mirror corner? Those tick marks are for everyone who has said I helped in some way to find the light to get through dark times. I borrowed back some of that energy and it got me through. Thank you. ❤ You are what I do this for when I can't remember. You are my light and my guides.
Behind every strong woman is a strong circle of amazing people. I love all you fuckers with all of my cold-ass heart.