Subcredits: @Carina.danielle @portrait_catharsis
This gets worse before it gets better. Bear with me.
This is the type of depression that follows you around like a like a cloud of light rain, not powerful enough that it drives you crazy, but enough that you’re cold, wet and miserable.
The depression feeds right back into the fear and the whole cycle starts again; new fears grew in the gloom of my mind and I ended up limiting myself. I didn’t want to go after career opportunities because I was afraid I wouldn’t be good enough.
I didn’t want to go for romantic relationships because I felt unqualified and like a burden.
I didn’t turn to God because I felt unworthy.
I found myself often laying in bed in the morning and thinking how much I hated myself and wanted to die.
And I don’t mean this in a suicidal sense, but in the context of how utterly tired and miserable I was with my broken self. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m talking about the feeling of thinking “If I just stopped existing, I wouldn’t mind. I’d be grateful to not exist.”