How to F’ing Shovel Snow
First, Chug a f’ing glass of wine.
Put on a hat and gloves. Next, throw on a light jacket. Not too heavy moron; you’re going to get sweaty.
Next, slam your feet into your boots. No, WITH PURPOSE. What, you don’t have boots?! Get your shovel.
Shovel all snow from the steps on the landing then shovel that off to the side.
Go inside and chug another a f’ing glass of wine.
Back to shoveling. Groan if you must. Better yet curse that f’ing snow. “FU, you shitty snow!” Get angry, damn it!
Repeat this all the way down one side of the walk until your back is so tight, it is absolutely killing you to stand up straight. Then go inside and chug another f’ing glass of wine. What? You’re taking off your boots to get the wine? F’ that. Traipse that f’ing snow through the living room all over the wood floor.
Now hobble back to where you left off. Toggle between these forward and backward methods until the walk is clean.
Don’t put any salt on that shit, you f-up! You know how bad that is for dogs?
Now, go inside and finish the bottle of wine(though really it should be gone as bottles contain exactly three glasses of wine) and cook yourself a f’ing chicken pot pie.
If you actually read this entire post, comment 🍷