// i wrote these words over tuesday night & wednesday during pre-op. pre-op for a procedure that should’ve been relatively short & simple, but turned into one of the worst experiences of my life. what i’m about to share is truly my heart, but it’s a lot harder to feel the truth after a difficult day. that’s the beauty of it, though; truth doesn’t depend on circumstance. so whether things are going the way you hope or completely the opposite, please know that His love for you is still deeper than you could imagine, His plan is still good, & you’re going to be okay, too.↠
“walking (well, rolling) into vir with a bundle of nerves & a heart filled to the brim with hope (no pun intended, yet again 🙈). we have walked a long road, and this isn’t the end, but something about being here - in this place - is a quiet, sacred reminder of His grace, His leading, His care. when i slow down enough to notice the details, i see His hand in everything. sure, i see His hand in the big things - that’s easier, i think. it’s much harder to slow down, quiet down, & see Him in the mundane, the trickiness of this life, and the process of it all. but He is here, & we know it, & so we rejoice. even as i squeeze seth’s hand a little harder, i feel only joy. joy that knows no bounds, because His power knows no bounds. we’re proclaiming healing, in whatever way He wants that to look like, but we know it’s coming. we’re holding our breath a little, waiting on a miracle, knowing full well He could work one right now and also knowing that even if He chooses not to move in a big & mighty way, He is still performing little miracles daily. He never stops showing His love for us, even if the way He loves us looks different than we might expect.
during my most recent appointment with my vascular surgeon, he hugged me and told me he had spent the whole month thinking about me, trying to work out the best plan for my body with my conditions. he also said patients like me are the reason he does what he does - he knows they need an advocate, & he wants to be that advocate for them; he wants to make their lives better. *continued in comments* ↴