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butchisnotadirtyword

3

thesinembargo

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butchisnotadirtyword

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reyositodc

So my friend asked me to pick up some stuff from the grocery store before #anextremelygoofywedding and I said I would. After putting my makeup on, I realized I had to go to the grocery store like this and started panicking. "Keep your head down." "Don't make eye contact." "If someone tries to hurt you ignore them." So I walked to the store, picked up what I needed, ignored the stares and left. While I was waiting for my Uber, someone tapped me on the shoulder. "Excuse me?" I turned around. It was two young a young latinas. I said hello cheerfully. "Hi! We saw you in the store just now and my daughter wanted to tell you how much she loved your makeup!" I told them how much that meant to me because I was scared someone was gonna say something mean to me. Mom said the girl was shy and was afraid to say anything. It really made my night. #trans #queermasculinity #queer #boi #transboi #lgbtq

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johnniejoyblue

Week 96. [Pics 6 weeks apart] I've come to see my transition as a journey into authenticity. I found out 2 years ago that my body didn't match my internal workings. In the prior 35 years I spent living in my ignorance, I adopted every inauthentic belief and behavior that made it possible for me to survive in such a state. No judgment. I became as strong and as functional as I could with what resources I had. My near destruction came at the hands of "too little, too late". But I'm still here. I chose survival. I found resources. I chose to let go of my adopted beliefs and behaviors to give way to all my real internal workings. I chose to accept my reality, no matter how much it differed from others. I chose to accept help. I choose to let myself thrive instead of hiding myself in small, hard-to-see spaces. In return, my experiences are fruitful, my choices easier to own, my relationships solid, and my life enjoyable in spite of the work required to maintain this new existence. My rate of growth has doubled since the day I chose to give no more fucks. If the world at large has it in for me and my tribe, then I'm gonna live the realest, fullest, deepest, most connected life they've ever seen. So that when they do finally get me, they'll lay prey to the darkness that follows my extinguished light. # #johnniejoyweekly #transandinked #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #nonbinary #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #holistichealth #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

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sockdrawerheroes

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butchisnotadirtyword

Was a pleasure to meet and photograph the lovely @rheabutcher in LA last week, Rhea’s writing a story for Issue 5 which focuses on butch folks and their professions, in case you were wondering YES we’ll be doing a launch event in LA, keep your eyes peeled early 2019 for deets, it’s gonna be a big one ! #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #butchappreciationday #butchdyke #butchlesbian #queer #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #gendernonconforming #butchesofinstagram #dykesofinstagram #dykestowatchoutfor #lgbtqia #queersofinstagram #gayisokay #gaygaygay #dykesagainstransphobia #lesbiansagainstransphobia #onelesswhiteman

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johnniejoyblue

Week 94. My love of personal style has been afforded all the freedom to play in my new body. The shirts, suspenders and coats that I always loved and would never wear have been eagerly awaiting this season. It's taken me this long to remember that there are hobbies and passions that I love and that satisfy me when I integrate them into my daily life. I had forgotten cuz I was tied up in the daily battles self-hate used to isolate me. I find it interesting that the moment I achieve worthiness within myself, my creativity leaps into action. I made a music video storyboard in an hour yesterday. I danced while I did it. I've been singing my thoughts out loud. I've been finding new creative flairs in my outfits. I've discovered the flow and structure for my and @maxshawphotos 's book, a problem that has plagued me for a year. I wouldn't believe the change myself if I didn't have 90 weeks and 8 photoshoots of proof. Before I began, I knew the work had to be worth it...every other way I had tried to achieve happiness had ended in failure and more heartbreak. Statistically speaking, the hard way had to be the right one. But I didn't know it would feel like this. I didn't know it would be this good. Would the pain of change be lessened if one knew the end result was gloriously magnificent? # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

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butchisnotadirtyword

“I was in bed with someone else when she called, a couple of years later. I jumped out of bed, my lover forgotten. I didn’t even realize how absent I had been with other women until I heard her voice, and it restarted my heart“. In Issue 4 Aneesah tells one of the most tragic dyke love stories of all time 😭 Swipe Right for preview and follow the link in bio to get your copy. @needtorasheed 📷 by @esthergoodboy #butch #qpoc #qwoc #butchisnotadirtyword #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #gendernonconforming #dykestowatchoutfor #queersofig #gay #gayisok #gaygaygay #lesbiansofinstgram #andro #androstyle #queer #queersofig #queersofinstagram #butchesbelike #butchesofinstagram #handsomegay #queerportrait #portrait #portraitphotography #butchappreciationday #butchappreciationmonth

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johnniejoyblue

Week 93. There's so much stillness that resides where the pain and disappointment used to live in me. Instead of that innermost place pulling my head, my eyes and my spirit down with heaviness into an abyss, I feel a growth of something weightless, yet powerfully joyful. Its insistence forces my shoulders back, my smile to appear, and my eyes...I can finally look people in the eyes without feeling intense neurological pain. This shit is REAL. It's all connected. The brain stores trauma, memories and neglected emotion throughout the body, so my massage therapy has taken on a new function. I'm now able to identify the emotions that are released into my consciousness as trigger points and knots are worked out. I now have the tools I need to deal with these emotions, and as I give each one the attention they need, they leave, one by one. My skeletal system is trying to keep up with the sudden change in muscle tension, cracking in the oddest of places. The spaces these toxins took up in my body are being filled with light and vitality. I honestly barely know what to do. I find myself laughing spontaneously cuz the freedom feels so wonderful. It's a far cry from spontaneously going into a panic attack and being incapacitated for days. I'm so grateful. I'm in awe of my humanity and its resilience. And to think: all it took was one perspective change. And a bunch of work. 😉 # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

5

butchvoices

International Coming Out Day. #Repost @butchisnotadirtyword with @get_repost ・・・ “To my disappointment I found that even after coming out, the queer scene didn’t make me feel much better. My friend group consisted entirely of queer millennials to whom butchness seemed to signify an archaic view of sexuality and gender, and the butch identify was treated as outdated and a little embarrassing” - Ciara Stein McGee , an excerpt from her Issue #4 submission entitled “Not Something A Woman Should Want To Be”, swipe right for a preview and click the link in our bio to get your copy. @sookyboi 📷 by Jane Duong. #butch #butchdyke #butchisnotadirtyword #queer #genderqueer #gendernonconforming #butchlesbian #butchlesbians #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #fucktoxicmasculinity #toxicmasculinitykills #gay #gayisokay #butchfags #butchqueers #lesbiankiss #lesbianlover #lesbiansofinstgram #lesbiansofig #ruralqueers #dykesagainsttransphobia #lesbiansagainsttransphobia #sydney #sydneygay #lgbtqia

2

johnniejoyblue

RECOVERY UPDATE. I had my final post-op app this morning with my surgeon, who has become a staunch cheerleader for me. Up until 5 weeks ago, I was battling a small scar area that would not close. It got infected every couple days and hindered my physical activity. My recent shift in stress vs happiness has greatly accelerated my healing from "you might need a skin graph" to "you're one of the best jobs I've done." I'm officially closed up, off the hook, and in the books as a wild success. I gotta take advantage of this victory to stand in humble gratitude: THANK YOU, again, to those of you who gave to my fundraiser and who helped take care of me during my recovery. My life is utterly changed, permanently, for the better. I'm so happy with my body and so proud of myself - two emotions I would not have gotten the opportunity to feel, if it wasn't for you. Thank you a million times. This boy and his chesticles are off to the best start he could ask for. Here's to you! ❤ # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

5

johnniejoyblue

Week 92. Being happy all within my own power is brand new to me. Well, I was happy from ages 0-3. That's when the arguments started about what clothes I was allowed to wear, what friends I was supposed to have, how short my hair was allowed to be, etc. Since then, the people closest to me, and in fact, the society I engaged with, consistently tried to force me into situations, clothes, relationships, and roles that had absolutely nothing to do with who I really am. I tried to concede. I tried to compromise. And I "tried" myself into the darkest, unhappiest hole you can imagine. I had heard the phrase "you make your own happiness" enough times to consider it trite, but now I see its truth and understand that I was too scared to find my own...cuz I'm too different. My drum not only beats to its own rhythm, it's made from material unknown to our culture. Being happy would mean that I stop compromising, stop conceding to things that would see my pain before my happiness, and actually be myself. Choose the life of a contrary kind, because it's who I am. The more I let myself be weird, smart, socially inept, and whatever the hell gender I am, the happier I am. I'll be honest, I didn't see that coming. # 📸 @maxshawphotos #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

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butchisnotadirtyword

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nachtzehren

Badass location shoot with another model and 3 photographers. Abandoned burnt out cars, coloured smoke bombs and woodlands! 🍁 • #nachtzehren #selfie #makeup #postapocalyptic #gasmask #nonbinary #trans #queermasculinity #androgynous #outdoors #nature #woodlands #photography #ukmodel

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johnniejoyblue

Week 91, part 2. There are probably hundreds of genders and we're all one of them, each possibly so different. This journey was not about something that was wrong with me. It's about uncovering my true self, in all its rarity, so that I can be a healthy, self-aware, balance-providing contributor for my fellow humankind. The shit that needed to come off was all rooted in our collective society's fear of difference. We've come to believe that difference equals a lack of safety, instead of it being a vital tool to open our minds and our hearts, deepening our potential for empathy and connection. But I took that shit off, I lit that roof on fire, and here I stand: me. Not a message, not an award-winning story, not a basketcase man-child (anymore). With a couple medical adjustments, I'm only a happier, self-loving, healthy me. I am different than a lot of people. I do have different needs. But you know what? We all are; we all do. This wasn't about my gender. It was about making it possible within my own mind and heart to love myself enough to feel worthy of empathy, connection and physical health. This was all about becoming human again. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud

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johnniejoyblue

Week 91, part 1. L: Minutes before shot #1 | R: 21mos Coming to terms with being transgender initially meant also coming to terms with what I understood transitioning would entail, that I accepted an expectation of what I gathered transitioning would do to/for me. I collected this info from what I witnessed on social media, what I heard in conversation, and from what I experienced of trans people in my life. Since all that didn't amount to much, I comprehended its crudest form, a sheath's width's insight cut off the top of a journey that has proven to be the most profound lesson I will ever be taught. This was never about my gender. I'll repeat that: this was never about my gender. My gender and my "unique" genetic makeup, were never a mistake. They have always existed. They're not becoming something else. They're becoming visible. 📸 @maxshawphotos # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

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butchtalk

Here’s you friendly semi-yearly reminder that I’m a she/her pronoun using, woman identifying, grrrl! ❤️ . . . . . Photo by @brentdundore #sheher #woman #grrrl #female #butch #butchie #queer #gay #lesbian #lgbt #lgbtq #femalemasculinity #queermasculinity #butchesofinstagram #lesbiansofinsta #lesbiansofinstagram

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butchisnotadirtyword

2

johnniejoyblue

Week 90. Max mentioned the fact recently that emotion never really came to my surface in any of our previous shoots. One could, of course, detect the pain and sadness in my eyes, but there was never a tear, never a smile for no reason. But when I saw these photos from our 21 month shoot on the viewfinder I knew...I had gotten myself out of defense mode, out of the grips of pain and shame, the painful cycle of being overwhelmed. I knew I was seeing myself opened up for the first time, shining with the light that I'd always known was there. I was looking at me for the first time. And I wept. And Max shot. The culmination of metamorphosis is evidenced by my ability to see what I had been before and know that it is a very far-fetched version of who I am today. I'm still processing the emotion of feeling free from that which bound me, but it's held lightly by the knowledge that the switch has been flipped. I'm finally ready to live this crazy life of mine, authentically me, for the sake of those who come after me. My season of healing is coming to a close and a season of action is about to begin. It's nice to finally meet you all. My name is Johnnie Joy. 📸 @maxshawphotos - You already know ❤ # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

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butchisnotadirtyword

“The pressure to be femme, not just to present in feminine ways or to perform femininity but to literally be femme...is extremely intense for trans women” @dykeadjacent holding it down for the LHB’s and all of our butch trans sisters out there 😍 📷 by @esthergoodboy #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #transbutch #femalemasculinity #queermasculinity #butches #butchesbelike #butchesofinstagram #queer #gender #dykestowatchoutfor #butchesagainsttransphobia #dykesagainsttransphobia #trans #transgender #butchtransgirls @butchtransgirls

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butchtalk

4

schwulesmuseum

Neu im Shop! Gestern haben wir die ersten 4 Ausgaben von Publikation "Butch Is Not A Dirty Word" bekommen, sie stehen ab sofort in unserem Museumsshop. Das australische Magazin behandelt die "Butch" Kultur und Identität. Wir sind der einzige Verkaufsort in Europa! Schaut euch die Exemplare beim nächsten Besuch bei uns an. . . . . . . . #schwulesmuseum #butch #qpoc #qwoc #butchisnotadirtyword #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #gendernonconforming #dykestowatchoutfor

0

johnniejoyblue

Week 89. I read this quote this week, "There is no greater disability in society than the inability to see a person as more." - Robert M Hensel I feel I understand this statement on an all-too-real level as a 4-part minority living in our world (Trans/Queer/Autistic/Occult Survivor). But I'm on this kick of turning my outward experiences and reactions back on myself. After all, double standards leave one weak. In my frustration of sometimes feeling trapped by others' inability to see me as more than I appear to be, I asked myself if I was thinking of, and treating myself as less than what my actual potential as a human is. The answer was a resounding "Yes". Top left: Wasted | Middle left: Drunk at 11a | Bottom left: Hungover and about to get drunk. On the right, 5 years sober, no masks, much more awkward. I spent all of my life treating myself like I wasn't worthy of understanding, compassion or love. I got so good at it that I invited addiction, shame and hate into my life and gave them power to try and kill me and hurt everyone around me. They did a good job, too. I've been working hard on my self-love, but I'm making a deeper commitment to myself henceforth: to change my perspective to include all my possible greatness, all my possible talents, and all the possible worthiness I can grow to feel. This includes loving my awkwardness and my neuro-language instead of hiding them in shame. I know that in that space I will also be able to see so much more in others, and that's what this all about...others. ❤ # 📸 @maxshawphotos @trojanoriginal @intistclair #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

5

zsev

😍😍😍😍😍 I’m in awe rn!!!!!! Thank you @catherinegraffam for letting me be a part of this! Please give her a follow, check out her work! She’s amazinnggggg!!! #catherinegraffam #painting #portrait #art #queer #queerart #queermasculinity #madeinboston #BostonArt #bostonartists

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butchisnotadirtyword

What a hectic month it’s been with all of our awesome Issue #4 launch parties! We’re back on the road photographing for Issue 5 and 6 this month. We’re also working on a new site, with which we’ll launch all the awesome photos and media we’ve collated from our launch events. In the mean time, enjoy all the unprinted offcuts of Issue #4 we’ll be posting over the next few, this is the gorgeous @f_k_m_p from Johannesburg South Africa, photographed by @_modiba . Pick up a copy of Issue 4 to read the story of Mutalanes first love and heartbreak 💕 💔 . #butch #qpoc #qwoc #butchisnotadirtyword #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #gendernonconforming #dykestowatchoutfor #queersofig #gay #gayisok #gaygaygay #lesbiansofinstgram #andro #androstyle #queer #queersofig #queersofinstagram #butchesbelike #butchesofinstagram #handsomegay #queerportrait #portrait #portraitphotography #butchappreciationday #butchappreciationmonth #dykesagainsttransphobia #qpoclivesmatter #printisnotdead

4

butchisnotadirtyword

6

johnniejoyblue

Week 88. While on the bus today I caught a snippet of a lady's phone conversation as she passed by: "To transition, to go thru transition like that...you can't be in your right mind to do that to yourself." I instantly saw the empathy in her ignorance. She believes that mental stability is revealed in a visible, conformative self-love. Why else would someone willingly take a knife to the chest and morph their features? Why would they hurt themselves and shorten their lifespans? She doesn't have the first clue about dysphoria or the massive depression, addictions, disorders or psychaches that can come with owning a mind and a body that don't connect. She can't cuz she doesn't comprehend that reality. Her truth is limited to her experience, even as her heart tries to go further, frantic to come up with justifications and reasons that can be addressed...eased inside her truth. Knowledge may be power, but I'm convinced that empathetic connection is the pathway to healing our pain, the pain we all cause each other inadvertently out of a lack of understanding. That lady wasn't bad or my enemy. She was uneducated. She's never met me. If I had taken offense, I would have then carried with me the heaviness of being misunderstood and isolated in an oppressive society. My choice to connect with the love that existed in her, however different it was from mine, saved me heartache and mental anguish. I felt no weight. No pain. ....this process is supposed to be about taking care of myself and doing healthy things for myself. If choosing love in the face of an opportunity for justified anger is the best for me then I guess I gotta do it. More. Much more. Cuz I'll be damned if my grave feeds roses of an ignorant world. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

4

pony.b0yy

2

roze_royze

Is that a banana 🍌 I see in your pants or you just happy 😃 to see 👀 me !!! 🌈🌈🌈🌈 Can’t wait to start the weekend right with my homies and Celebrate masculine identity with my off the shoulder halter top. Come view an amazing art show and performance called Sweets !!! #queermasculinity #gay #queerbk #sweets

9

butchisnotadirtyword

11

johnniejoyblue

Week 87. This week I'm learning the insanely difficult lesson of just "be with it", a concept meant for those with Asperger's who find themselves stuck in defense mode. Instead of fighting a bad feeling, the idea is to let it be, focus on it and soothe it as you would a hurting friend. The body's regulating system takes it from there and eases what pain I can't with logic. This allows emotion a free path thru me to exist, inflate, run its course and finally dissipate into a manageable choice that I'm free to make with a clear head. Turns out I've been running away from and pushing a lot of emotion down instead of letting it run its course, which has caused loads of damage to my body, my self-perception and my ability to process information in general. Part of my condition is an intensified experience of everything, so letting massive amounts of discomfort and pain run its course is not fun or easy...to the point of completely understanding why I abused substances in the first place. But, even after just a couple weeks of persistent practice I'm noticing a significant difference in my overall wellbeing. It's more difficult to live substance-free, to allow the hard stuff to be hard, but as I near 5 years of being sober I find myself more than willing to do all the hard work it takes to keep loving myself. There's truly nothing better than being able to cherish who I am. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

4

blackdisneyprince

Met a female dragon, had a fire conversation #cannabis #denver #colorado #queer #androgynous #queermasculinity

1

butchisnotadirtyword

3

butchisnotadirtyword

LOVE launching new issues, because it means we get to start flooding our feed with all the awesome butches we’ve photographed over the last 6 months. Lacey Banis is one of them. Lacey is a reporter over at @entertainmentweekly and just had a piece about raising her daughter Rory published in @time magazine! Lacey also has a piece published in our latest issue, click the link in bio to get it! #weareeverywhere @yellowonesdontstop 📷 by @esthergoodboy #butch #qpoc #qwoc #butchisnotadirtyword #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #gendernonconforming #dykestowatchoutfor #queersofig #gay #gayisok #gaygaygay #lesbiansofinstgram #andro #androstyle #queer #queersofig #queersofinstagram #butchesbelike #butchesofinstagram #handsomegay #queerportrait #portrait #portraitphotography #butchappreciationday #butchappreciationmonth #queerfamily #rainbowfamily #queerswithkids

8

butchisnotadirtyword

Couple of the Portland launch Crew prepping for our show tonight ! We’ll be live streaming the event via our insta feed starting 8pm Portland, OR time. Tune in friends ! If you have tickets and can no longer make it OR are gonna get there after 8 please DM is and let us know ! @needtorasheed @naa_accepts @ht.pdx @esthergoodboy . #butch #qpoc #qwoc #butchisnotadirtyword #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #gendernonconforming #dykestowatchoutfor #queersofig #gay #gayisok #gaygaygay #lesbiansofinstgram #andro #androstyle #queer #queersofig #queersofinstagram #butchesbelike #butchesofinstagram #handsomegay #queerportrait #portrait #portraitphotography #butchappreciationday #butchappreciationmonth #onelesswhiteman

11

johnniejoyblue

Week 86 Follow Up. As I sat quietly at my place of restoration this morning, I was finding it particularly difficult to quiet my mind enough to start my trauma meditation. Waves of pain were taking me under despite my attempts to focus on the possible vs the impossible. And then two small dolphins swam up to me and said hi...long enough to bring tears to my eyes...and then they swam on, in and underneath the world I don't comprehend. They gifted me a moment of knowing that incomprehension doesn't mean a lack of connection. I was able to carry on with my meditation and today, at least, I will be able to rise above fear's attempt to keep me down. Love wins...and is at work even if I can't see it. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

4

johnniejoyblue

Week 86. Growing up, I said my prayers every night before going to sleep. I was told that God would give me what my heart desired the most, and separately, that understanding and wisdom were beyond value. I wanted that which was invaluable cuz I felt unseen, expendable. So I asked God more than a thousand times to extend wisdom to my heart and understanding to my mind, all the time feeding my pride with visions of a Dalai Lama likeness. And then I was broken, beaten down by a suffocating reality, again and again. I stopped praying, figuring all invaluable insight to be a useless cause against the thrashings of life. I don't believe in the concept of God in the same context anymore, but something heard me and decided to answer...and now I'm wishing I had skipped a few nights. Cuz now I know that understanding comes via failure and wisdom is gained by having a healthy relationship with that failure. As a being of fire, the ocean is my place of restoration. I find comfort in knowing that there's an entirely separate existence that we don't comprehend underneath and inside one of the most formidable, yet permeable forces on the planet. Safe from all except those who would disturb the balance. It reminds me that wisdom is also knowing where comprehension ends and where my grateful appreciation of wonder should begin. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

5

butchisnotadirtyword

6

stpepito

I want to be a teen model please send me your love ❤️😂💯👏 #queermasculinity #punk #teenmodel #genderfluid #yodelingkid #influencer #yodaspenis

1

maxshawphotos

Forever amazed by this human and the work we've done together over the last 18 months. #tbt #Repost @johnniejoyblue (@get_repost) ・・・ Weeks 84 & 85. There are 4 confirmed cases of Autism Spectrum Disorder in my immediate and extended family on my father's side, a disorder which is thought to be passed thru the male's DNA. I remember my mother taking me to an alternative testing facility when we were very young. I remember that it did not go well and my mother yelled at the facilitator that her child was not "retarded". I didn't remember enough for that to affect me, but what happened next was forever burned into my memory and shaped my perspective on life. She turned around in the car to face us, and with the most fervent, righteous anger that forced tears to her eyes, she said, "Girls. Don't let anyone, ever, for any reason, let someone tell you that you're stupid or that you can't do something. You are the brightest, smartest, most capable people and you can do anything you set your minds to." I remember it so clearly because she meant it that hard. On one hand, this mindset led me to accomplish quite a lot in a short amount of time despite my condition. On the other, I never knew the most important thing about me and went on, blindly abusing myself cuz I believed her. My Autism is my magic. I understand that now. But getting to know my Autism at this ripe age is like trying to be friends with a tiger that has been biting you in the dark for 30 years. On more days than I'd like to admit, the painful process just doesn't seem worth it. Acceptance is key in making any change...but I haven't fully accepted it cuz I don't want to let go of the idea I shaped my life with - a belief that I also now recognize is toxic and traumatizing to all my systems. # Special thanks to @maxshawphotos for this gorgeous work from our 18 mos shoot 💙 #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd

2

cydsturgess

First post-PhD research trip: complete! As a research student, visits to Berlin and Amsterdam were always marked by the pressure to locate as much useful information as possible, and I rarely left the archive due to academic #fomo. This time, however, I made a conscious effort to include self-care as part of the project. Not only did I get what I needed from the archives (thanks to the ALCS for making it possible!) but I also got to see old friends, explore previously unvisited corners of Amsterdam, and meet new and exciting people. A big shout out to the @atriakennisinstituut for their help in the archive, to those who put me up during my stay, and to the wonderful friends and new acquaintances who helped make this trip a stress-free and valuable experience. Now: time to write that book. #lezdothis #lesbehavinya #amsterdam #stockhome #research #academia #atriakennisinstituut #queer #queerscholar #queerhistory #queerstudies #queermasculinity #queerfemininity #cantthinkstraight #tomboystyle #softmasc #tomboy #lgbttravel #gayamsterdam #friends #friendsfoodfun #bookworm #geekchic #geekisnotadirtyword #libraryporn

5

lalobalocashares

I know I always talk shit about men but tbh while I don’t like most of them I don’t have that much beef with them because I rarely share space with them... and the ones I do share space with are cool and none of them are cis men because why would I be sharing myself and the dead cells that shed of my body with cis men unless is completely necessary for my survival? So like power dynamic wise and the cisheteropatriarchy I don’t really like men but most of my “grown up” traumas really come from masc people that align themselves with the patriarchy. It’s probably the most painful part of it all... when it’s the people that you once considered chosen fam or whatever... so yeah abort the patriarchy in you/in me/in all of us. I do live a pretty happy life (petty too as you can see) but knowing that the nasty masc patriarchal losers are being haunted by their own demons and I will see their fall (or healing) keeps me going... pero to be honest to see their demise and misery keeps me going I don’t wanna sugar coat this shit either. I do sometimes wish a blood sacrifice. Bitch is thirsty for the universe and ancestral bwitches to serve some revenge. I feel it coming 🧙🏽‍♀️🧟‍♂️🕸🕷🐉 RP @motherofmisandy #masc #masculinitysofragile #queer #queermasculinity #depatriarchalizing

43

stpepito

1

butchisnotadirtyword

Recognize this face 🤓 (Swipe Right) - TBT to our Naa lapel pin that we released with Issue 3 in February, get ready to extend youuuuur collection cos we’re droppin’ 2 new pins at both our launches later this month. @naa_accepts 📷 @esthergoodboy . #butch #qpoc #qwoc #butchisnotadirtyword #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #gendernonconforming #dykestowatchoutfor #queersofig #gay #gayisok #gaygaygay #lesbiansofinstgram #andro #androstyle #queer #queersofig #queersofinstagram #butchesbelike #butchesofinstagram #handsomegay #queerportrait #portrait #portraitphotography #butchappreciationday #butchappreciationmonth

13

johnniejoyblue

Weeks 84 & 85. There are 4 confirmed cases of Autism Spectrum Disorder in my immediate and extended family on my father's side, a disorder which is thought to be passed thru the male's DNA. I remember my mother taking me to an alternative testing facility when we were very young. I remember that it did not go well and my mother yelled at the facilitator that her child was not "retarded". I didn't remember enough for that to affect me, but what happened next was forever burned into my memory and shaped my perspective on life. She turned around in the car to face us, and with the most fervent, righteous anger that forced tears to her eyes, she said, "Girls. Don't let anyone, ever, for any reason, let someone tell you that you're stupid or that you can't do something. You are the brightest, smartest, most capable people and you can do anything you set your minds to." I remember it so clearly because she meant it that hard. On one hand, this mindset led me to accomplish quite a lot in a short amount of time despite my condition. On the other, I never knew the most important thing about me and went on, blindly abusing myself cuz I believed her. My Autism is my magic. I understand that now. But getting to know my Autism at this ripe age is like trying to be friends with a tiger that has been biting you in the dark for 30 years. On more days than I'd like to admit, the painful process just doesn't seem worth it. Acceptance is key in making any change...but I haven't fully accepted it cuz I don't want to let go of the idea I shaped my life with - a belief that I also now recognize is toxic and traumatizing to all my systems. # Special thanks to @maxshawphotos for this gorgeous work from our 18 mos shoot 💙 #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

3

butchisnotadirtyword

25

butchisnotadirtyword

3

shenkar.library

0

bighunkaspunk

0

butchisnotadirtyword

14

butchisnotadirtyword

Heart eyes to this b💜be ! @practiceinpublic performed a live reading of her piece at our Issue 3 launch in Melbourne last March, it’s all happening again in Melbourne for Issue #4 on September 13th! Swipe right for details, link in bio for tickets! Also public service announcement for Portland, our August launch has only 17 tickets remaining 😱 if you haven’t got yours yet make sure ya jump on this weekend as they will sell out. #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #queerfam #queer #queerfamily #butchdyke #butchart #dyke #dykestowatchoutfor #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #genderqueer #gaygaygay #gayisokay #queersofinstagram #gendernonconforming #instagay #queersofig #portrait #portraitphotography #butchesbelike #melbourne #australia #butchstyle #masculineofcenter #whatsonmelbourne

3

butchisnotadirtyword

ISSUE 4 IZ HERE - PRE ORDERS NOW AVAILABLE ONLINE (link in bio) - Cover featuring butch sister duo Holly & Laura Tan. We ship internationally and good news for all your USA folks, we’ve restocked and postage is back down to $4 a pop. Meanwhile issue 4 is by far our best one yet, it thematically focuses on love and sex. Fourteen Butches tell stories of their formative loves, and how they’ve learned to navigate their sexuality and relationships, exploring a range of different sub-themes and narratives within this broad topic. These keep getting better and better as we go and we’re super proud of this one! Cover Photo By: @briannagh.clare @lauramstan BUTCH DREAMZ 😍 . #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #queerpublication #dykestowatchoutfor #butchdyke #queer #femalemasculinity #queermasculinity #lesbiansofinstagram #boi #queerboi #dykesofinsta #lgbtqia #tomboystyle #lesbiansofig #gay #gayisok #butchlesbians #butches #butchesbelike #weareeverywhere #itgetsbetter #portraitphotography #portrait #queerpublication #magazines #queermagazine #zine #queerzine #qwoc #qpoc

15

gianni_kin

4

butchisnotadirtyword

A baby butches first suit 😍 Phoebe is an absolute stud muffin who graced the cover of our third issue. She’ll also be competing in our dyke centered arm wrestling contest on Thursday September 13th in Melbourne at our Issue 4 Aussie launch party! Shhh you didn’t hear it from us (but also save the date 😜) @honkytonkbutch . #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #ruralqueers #queerelders #dyke #dykes #dykestowatchoutfor #butchesofinstagram #lesbiansofig #lesbiansofinstagram #gender #gendernonconforming #queer #gendeequeer #gay #gayisok #butchdke #butchlesbian #butchfags #butchqueers #sydney #gaysydney #dykepower #andro #androgynous #androstyle #dykesofinstagram #dykesbelike #femalemasculinity #queermasculinity

20

johnniejoyblue

Week 83. My internal battles are so poetic, Archaic in their dramas. I feel reborn; a true Phoenix. I've had to wage war inside myself in order to find even a glimmer of hope for peace. I was not battling me, not my religion, but the traumatic backlash of sprouting under closed minds in a world that doesn't value humanity. This society, our culture, makes less sense to me daily. But not engaging doesn't save me from being thrust into the harsh, primitive discourse about genitals and roles and the clothes they're allowed to wear; arguments that are in themselves nothing but fuel for a deadly cyclic system. Of course, I want equal rights. What I want more is to exist in an enlightened humanity that does not see boundaries between one another, but rather possibilities. A society that isn't afraid of the unknown or the uncomfortable, and which eagerly pursues perspectives different from their own. Because they understand that peace and a healthy earth begin with an open heart. From where I sit, "be the change" doesn't involve perfecting what you've got. It involves a lot of letting go of what you got. And yet, as passionately as I feel these self-truths, I struggle to let go of so much. I willfully limit my evolution to remain calm in a broken world. Lutter c'est être humain. # Special thanks to @maxshawphotos #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

4

reyositodc

CW/TW: NSFW, nudity, fat bodies, kink, leather, collar Cause boy it's cool if you got blue. We got the #pynk. Pynk , like the inside of your...baby (we're all just pynk) Pynk, like the walls and the doors...maybe (deep inside, we're all just pynk). Pynk, like your fingers in my...maybe. Pynk is the truth you can't hide. Pynk, like your tongue going round...baby Pynk, like the sun going down...maybe Pynk, like the holes in your heart...baby Pynk is my favorite part. #janellemonae #dirtycomputer #tenderboi #pastelpup #pup #moc #transboi #boi #queer #latinx #kinky #sub #queermasculinity #softmasculinity #femme

1

butchisnotadirtyword

19

butchisnotadirtyword

11

johnniejoyblue

Week 81. L: 18 mos | R: 0 mos After I initially started HRT, so many things started going right that I was able to clearly see what had been going wrong all along. The overwhelming stress I felt from the first months of purveying damage was so crippling that I was unable to move forward in my transition. A social worker from my doctor's office miraculously got me on the phone. She made me feel safe and validated in my fears. I opened up to her and she took charge of finding me the right therapist and guided me thru the pre-surgery process. Without her sweeping in all angel-like, this would have taken a year longer and I'm not sure I would have lasted a year in that frozen state. I never paid for this service. Carolyn Downs Family Medical Center is the last running clinic fully-funded by the Black Panther Party. It was founded in 1969 and its services and people have saved my life these last 2 years. I never had to fight for the right medical care. In fact, I've only been blessed by all the extra they want to do for me. They played a huge part in making this change possible and beautiful for me. I'm just feeling mighty thankful for them cuz they got me to today - I'm cleared of all physical restrictions and am free to go back to life as normal. HA! I'm not going back to nothin. A whole bunch of people gave me a new start at life. I'm gonna go start it. By dancing. Photos by the talented @maxshawphotos # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

4

butchisnotadirtyword

33

hardwearpendants

1

butchisnotadirtyword

4

butchisnotadirtyword

1

butchisnotadirtyword

13