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johnniejoyblue

Week 89. I read this quote this week, "There is no greater disability in society than the inability to see a person as more." - Robert M Hensel I feel I understand this statement on an all-too-real level as a 4-part minority living in our world (Trans/Queer/Autistic/Occult Survivor). But I'm on this kick of turning my outward experiences and reactions back on myself. After all, double standards leave one weak. In my frustration of sometimes feeling trapped by others' inability to see me as more than I appear to be, I asked myself if I was thinking of, and treating myself as less than what my actual potential as a human is. The answer was a resounding "Yes". Top left: Wasted | Middle left: Drunk at 11a | Bottom left: Hungover and about to get drunk. On the right, 5 years sober, no masks, much more awkward. I spent all of my life treating myself like I wasn't worthy of understanding, compassion or love. I got so good at it that I invited addiction, shame and hate into my life and gave them power to try and kill me and hurt everyone around me. They did a good job, too. I've been working hard on my self-love, but I'm making a deeper commitment to myself henceforth: to change my perspective to include all my possible greatness, all my possible talents, and all the possible worthiness I can grow to feel. This includes loving my awkwardness and my neuro-language instead of hiding them in shame. I know that in that space I will also be able to see so much more in others, and that's what this all about...others. ❤ # 📸 @maxshawphotos @trojanoriginal @intistclair #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

5

zsev

😍😍😍😍😍 I’m in awe rn!!!!!! Thank you @catherinegraffam for letting me be a part of this! Please give her a follow, check out her work! She’s amazinnggggg!!! #catherinegraffam #painting #portrait #art #queer #queerart #queermasculinity #madeinboston #BostonArt #bostonartists

17

butchisnotadirtyword

What a hectic month it’s been with all of our awesome Issue #4 launch parties! We’re back on the road photographing for Issue 5 and 6 this month. We’re also working on a new site, with which we’ll launch all the awesome photos and media we’ve collated from our launch events. In the mean time, enjoy all the unprinted offcuts of Issue #4 we’ll be posting over the next few, this is the gorgeous @f_k_m_p from Johannesburg South Africa, photographed by @_modiba . Pick up a copy of Issue 4 to read the story of Mutalanes first love and heartbreak 💕 💔 . #butch #qpoc #qwoc #butchisnotadirtyword #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #gendernonconforming #dykestowatchoutfor #queersofig #gay #gayisok #gaygaygay #lesbiansofinstgram #andro #androstyle #queer #queersofig #queersofinstagram #butchesbelike #butchesofinstagram #handsomegay #queerportrait #portrait #portraitphotography #butchappreciationday #butchappreciationmonth #dykesagainsttransphobia #qpoclivesmatter #printisnotdead

3

johnniejoyblue

3

butchisnotadirtyword

6

johnniejoyblue

Week 88. While on the bus today I caught a snippet of a lady's phone conversation as she passed by: "To transition, to go thru transition like that...you can't be in your right mind to do that to yourself." I instantly saw the empathy in her ignorance. She believes that mental stability is revealed in a visible, conformative self-love. Why else would someone willingly take a knife to the chest and morph their features? Why would they hurt themselves and shorten their lifespans? She doesn't have the first clue about dysphoria or the massive depression, addictions, disorders or psychaches that can come with owning a mind and a body that don't connect. She can't cuz she doesn't comprehend that reality. Her truth is limited to her experience, even as her heart tries to go further, frantic to come up with justifications and reasons that can be addressed...eased inside her truth. Knowledge may be power, but I'm convinced that empathetic connection is the pathway to healing our pain, the pain we all cause each other inadvertently out of a lack of understanding. That lady wasn't bad or my enemy. She was uneducated. She's never met me. If I had taken offense, I would have then carried with me the heaviness of being misunderstood and isolated in an oppressive society. My choice to connect with the love that existed in her, however different it was from mine, saved me heartache and mental anguish. I felt no weight. No pain. ....this process is supposed to be about taking care of myself and doing healthy things for myself. If choosing love in the face of an opportunity for justified anger is the best for me then I guess I gotta do it. More. Much more. Cuz I'll be damned if my grave feeds roses of an ignorant world. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

4

reyositodc

"I believe that every body is beautiful regardless of the point of view we are seeing it from." . . . I was just saying yesterday I need to buy a mirror for my room... . . . Day 3 #sensualselfiechallenge The challenge was to take a selfie from unflattering angle. I chose this photo because no matter how much I talk about body positivity and fat positivity, there is still a voice in my head that hates how fat I am and amplifies the scrutiny from the outside world. I hate looking at myself in the mirror sometimes. I wish my chest was more symmetrical. I wish my skin was smoother. I wish I was thin. That voice just reinforces my insecurities tho. That voice says, if I was thin, if I was cis (a cis man or woman tbh), if I did have symmetrical features, then the world would love me...but that isn't true either. And I mean I can lose weight, Ive done it before...but that won't change how I feel about myself because it's been ingrained in my head that fat people are disgusting, which is also untrue. The point is to feel good in the body that you have presently, and I have worked so hard on that. I'm not feeling great today, so in order to take care of myself, I am going to make sure I eat more than once today(I usually only eat once or twice a day with hours in between), remind myself not to feel bad for eating more than once today, and remind myself that although I am fat and although I am trans, I am still human who deserves love, respect, affection and attention. . . . . Affirmations from @4locrow : -My body is a good body regardless of what outside opinions and standards dictate. -I am thankful for my body and all it does for me even when I do not treat it as well as I would like. -I deserve to give love, kindness and respect to myself. -I am beautiful from every angle, but I do not need to be beautiful to be of value. @evyan.whitney #trans #transbodiesarebeautiful #fatboi #fatbodiesaregoodbodies #latinx #twospirit #twospiritsbelonghere #nonbinary #queermasculinity #queer #bodypositive #loveyourself #respectyourself #celebrateyourself

9

pony.b0yy

2

roze_royze

Is that a banana 🍌 I see in your pants or you just happy 😃 to see 👀 me !!! 🌈🌈🌈🌈 Can’t wait to start the weekend right with my homies and Celebrate masculine identity with my off the shoulder halter top. Come view an amazing art show and performance called Sweets !!! #queermasculinity #gay #queerbk #sweets

9

butchisnotadirtyword

10

indignantgrey

0

johnniejoyblue

Week 87. This week I'm learning the insanely difficult lesson of just "be with it", a concept meant for those with Asperger's who find themselves stuck in defense mode. Instead of fighting a bad feeling, the idea is to let it be, focus on it and soothe it as you would a hurting friend. The body's regulating system takes it from there and eases what pain I can't with logic. This allows emotion a free path thru me to exist, inflate, run its course and finally dissipate into a manageable choice that I'm free to make with a clear head. Turns out I've been running away from and pushing a lot of emotion down instead of letting it run its course, which has caused loads of damage to my body, my self-perception and my ability to process information in general. Part of my condition is an intensified experience of everything, so letting massive amounts of discomfort and pain run its course is not fun or easy...to the point of completely understanding why I abused substances in the first place. But, even after just a couple weeks of persistent practice I'm noticing a significant difference in my overall wellbeing. It's more difficult to live substance-free, to allow the hard stuff to be hard, but as I near 5 years of being sober I find myself more than willing to do all the hard work it takes to keep loving myself. There's truly nothing better than being able to cherish who I am. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

4

vegxn.on.the.low

Met a female dragon, had a fire conversation #cannabis #denver #colorado #queer #androgynous #queermasculinity

1

butchisnotadirtyword

3

butchisnotadirtyword

LOVE launching new issues, because it means we get to start flooding our feed with all the awesome butches we’ve photographed over the last 6 months. Lacey Banis is one of them. Lacey is a reporter over at @entertainmentweekly and just had a piece about raising her daughter Rory published in @time magazine! Lacey also has a piece published in our latest issue, click the link in bio to get it! #weareeverywhere @yellowonesdontstop 📷 by @esthergoodboy #butch #qpoc #qwoc #butchisnotadirtyword #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #gendernonconforming #dykestowatchoutfor #queersofig #gay #gayisok #gaygaygay #lesbiansofinstgram #andro #androstyle #queer #queersofig #queersofinstagram #butchesbelike #butchesofinstagram #handsomegay #queerportrait #portrait #portraitphotography #butchappreciationday #butchappreciationmonth #queerfamily #rainbowfamily #queerswithkids

8

butchisnotadirtyword

Couple of the Portland launch Crew prepping for our show tonight ! We’ll be live streaming the event via our insta feed starting 8pm Portland, OR time. Tune in friends ! If you have tickets and can no longer make it OR are gonna get there after 8 please DM is and let us know ! @needtorasheed @naa_accepts @ht.pdx @esthergoodboy . #butch #qpoc #qwoc #butchisnotadirtyword #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #gendernonconforming #dykestowatchoutfor #queersofig #gay #gayisok #gaygaygay #lesbiansofinstgram #andro #androstyle #queer #queersofig #queersofinstagram #butchesbelike #butchesofinstagram #handsomegay #queerportrait #portrait #portraitphotography #butchappreciationday #butchappreciationmonth #onelesswhiteman

10

butchisnotadirtyword

If ya haven’t yet, check out the live stream from our editor @esthergoodboy ‘s radio interview on @kbooradio last night, it’s up for another 6 hours on our feed, click story, then “live” on the bottom right. In other fun news, we’ve decided to live stream our portland event via insta tomorrow night, so tune in around 8pm USA west coast time folks ! . #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #dyke #butchdykes #dykestowatchoutfor #queer #lesbian #butchlesbians #butchlesbian #andro #gender #androstyle #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gendernonconforming #queersofinstagram #lesbiansofinstagram #lesbiansofig #gay #gayisok #pdxo #portland #portlandor #picofthegay #dykesofinstagram

6

johnniejoyblue

Week 86 Follow Up. As I sat quietly at my place of restoration this morning, I was finding it particularly difficult to quiet my mind enough to start my trauma meditation. Waves of pain were taking me under despite my attempts to focus on the possible vs the impossible. And then two small dolphins swam up to me and said hi...long enough to bring tears to my eyes...and then they swam on, in and underneath the world I don't comprehend. They gifted me a moment of knowing that incomprehension doesn't mean a lack of connection. I was able to carry on with my meditation and today, at least, I will be able to rise above fear's attempt to keep me down. Love wins...and is at work even if I can't see it. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

4

johnniejoyblue

Week 86. Growing up, I said my prayers every night before going to sleep. I was told that God would give me what my heart desired the most, and separately, that understanding and wisdom were beyond value. I wanted that which was invaluable cuz I felt unseen, expendable. So I asked God more than a thousand times to extend wisdom to my heart and understanding to my mind, all the time feeding my pride with visions of a Dalai Lama likeness. And then I was broken, beaten down by a suffocating reality, again and again. I stopped praying, figuring all invaluable insight to be a useless cause against the thrashings of life. I don't believe in the concept of God in the same context anymore, but something heard me and decided to answer...and now I'm wishing I had skipped a few nights. Cuz now I know that understanding comes via failure and wisdom is gained by having a healthy relationship with that failure. As a being of fire, the ocean is my place of restoration. I find comfort in knowing that there's an entirely separate existence that we don't comprehend underneath and inside one of the most formidable, yet permeable forces on the planet. Safe from all except those who would disturb the balance. It reminds me that wisdom is also knowing where comprehension ends and where my grateful appreciation of wonder should begin. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

5

butchisnotadirtyword

6

angiemusicc

I want to be a teen model please send me your love ❤️😂💯👏 #queermasculinity #punk #teenmodel #genderfluid #yodelingkid #influencer #yodaspenis

1

maxshawphotos

Forever amazed by this human and the work we've done together over the last 18 months. #tbt #Repost @johnniejoyblue (@get_repost) ・・・ Weeks 84 & 85. There are 4 confirmed cases of Autism Spectrum Disorder in my immediate and extended family on my father's side, a disorder which is thought to be passed thru the male's DNA. I remember my mother taking me to an alternative testing facility when we were very young. I remember that it did not go well and my mother yelled at the facilitator that her child was not "retarded". I didn't remember enough for that to affect me, but what happened next was forever burned into my memory and shaped my perspective on life. She turned around in the car to face us, and with the most fervent, righteous anger that forced tears to her eyes, she said, "Girls. Don't let anyone, ever, for any reason, let someone tell you that you're stupid or that you can't do something. You are the brightest, smartest, most capable people and you can do anything you set your minds to." I remember it so clearly because she meant it that hard. On one hand, this mindset led me to accomplish quite a lot in a short amount of time despite my condition. On the other, I never knew the most important thing about me and went on, blindly abusing myself cuz I believed her. My Autism is my magic. I understand that now. But getting to know my Autism at this ripe age is like trying to be friends with a tiger that has been biting you in the dark for 30 years. On more days than I'd like to admit, the painful process just doesn't seem worth it. Acceptance is key in making any change...but I haven't fully accepted it cuz I don't want to let go of the idea I shaped my life with - a belief that I also now recognize is toxic and traumatizing to all my systems. # Special thanks to @maxshawphotos for this gorgeous work from our 18 mos shoot 💙 #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd

2

cydsturgess

First post-PhD research trip: complete! As a research student, visits to Berlin and Amsterdam were always marked by the pressure to locate as much useful information as possible, and I rarely left the archive due to academic #fomo. This time, however, I made a conscious effort to include self-care as part of the project. Not only did I get what I needed from the archives (thanks to the ALCS for making it possible!) but I also got to see old friends, explore previously unvisited corners of Amsterdam, and meet new and exciting people. A big shout out to the @atriakennisinstituut for their help in the archive, to those who put me up during my stay, and to the wonderful friends and new acquaintances who helped make this trip a stress-free and valuable experience. Now: time to write that book. #lezdothis #lesbehavinya #amsterdam #stockhome #research #academia #atriakennisinstituut #queer #queerscholar #queerhistory #queerstudies #queermasculinity #queerfemininity #cantthinkstraight #tomboystyle #softmasc #tomboy #lgbttravel #gayamsterdam #friends #friendsfoodfun #bookworm #geekchic #geekisnotadirtyword #libraryporn

5

lalobalocashares

I know I always talk shit about men but tbh while I don’t like most of them I don’t have that much beef with them because I rarely share space with them... and the ones I do share space with are cool and none of them are cis men because why would I be sharing myself and the dead cells that shed of my body with cis men unless is completely necessary for my survival? So like power dynamic wise and the cisheteropatriarchy I don’t really like men but most of my “grown up” traumas really come from masc people that align themselves with the patriarchy. It’s probably the most painful part of it all... when it’s the people that you once considered chosen fam or whatever... so yeah abort the patriarchy in you/in me/in all of us. I do live a pretty happy life (petty too as you can see) but knowing that the nasty masc patriarchal losers are being haunted by their own demons and I will see their fall (or healing) keeps me going... pero to be honest to see their demise and misery keeps me going I don’t wanna sugar coat this shit either. I do sometimes wish a blood sacrifice. Bitch is thirsty for the universe and ancestral bwitches to serve some revenge. I feel it coming 🧙🏽‍♀️🧟‍♂️🕸🕷🐉 RP @motherofmisandy #masc #masculinitysofragile #queer #queermasculinity #depatriarchalizing

42

angiemusicc

1

butchisnotadirtyword

Recognize this face 🤓 (Swipe Right) - TBT to our Naa lapel pin that we released with Issue 3 in February, get ready to extend youuuuur collection cos we’re droppin’ 2 new pins at both our launches later this month. @naa_accepts 📷 @esthergoodboy . #butch #qpoc #qwoc #butchisnotadirtyword #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #gendernonconforming #dykestowatchoutfor #queersofig #gay #gayisok #gaygaygay #lesbiansofinstgram #andro #androstyle #queer #queersofig #queersofinstagram #butchesbelike #butchesofinstagram #handsomegay #queerportrait #portrait #portraitphotography #butchappreciationday #butchappreciationmonth

13

johnniejoyblue

Weeks 84 & 85. There are 4 confirmed cases of Autism Spectrum Disorder in my immediate and extended family on my father's side, a disorder which is thought to be passed thru the male's DNA. I remember my mother taking me to an alternative testing facility when we were very young. I remember that it did not go well and my mother yelled at the facilitator that her child was not "retarded". I didn't remember enough for that to affect me, but what happened next was forever burned into my memory and shaped my perspective on life. She turned around in the car to face us, and with the most fervent, righteous anger that forced tears to her eyes, she said, "Girls. Don't let anyone, ever, for any reason, let someone tell you that you're stupid or that you can't do something. You are the brightest, smartest, most capable people and you can do anything you set your minds to." I remember it so clearly because she meant it that hard. On one hand, this mindset led me to accomplish quite a lot in a short amount of time despite my condition. On the other, I never knew the most important thing about me and went on, blindly abusing myself cuz I believed her. My Autism is my magic. I understand that now. But getting to know my Autism at this ripe age is like trying to be friends with a tiger that has been biting you in the dark for 30 years. On more days than I'd like to admit, the painful process just doesn't seem worth it. Acceptance is key in making any change...but I haven't fully accepted it cuz I don't want to let go of the idea I shaped my life with - a belief that I also now recognize is toxic and traumatizing to all my systems. # Special thanks to @maxshawphotos for this gorgeous work from our 18 mos shoot 💙 #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

3

butchisnotadirtyword

25

angiemusicc

Merci à Laranium pour cette jolie robe, Je suis féministe maintenant! On va changer le monde en laissant pousser nos poils. ON VIT DANS UNE SOCIÉTÉ #spreadpositivity #genderfluid #queermasculinity #goth #queergirl #punk #teenmodel #feminist #soyboy #edwood #praisethelord #millenials #nofuture

3

butchisnotadirtyword

3

shenkar.library

0

bighunkaspunk

0

butchisnotadirtyword

14

butchisnotadirtyword

Heart eyes to this b💜be ! @practiceinpublic performed a live reading of her piece at our Issue 3 launch in Melbourne last March, it’s all happening again in Melbourne for Issue #4 on September 13th! Swipe right for details, link in bio for tickets! Also public service announcement for Portland, our August launch has only 17 tickets remaining 😱 if you haven’t got yours yet make sure ya jump on this weekend as they will sell out. #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #queerfam #queer #queerfamily #butchdyke #butchart #dyke #dykestowatchoutfor #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #genderqueer #gaygaygay #gayisokay #queersofinstagram #gendernonconforming #instagay #queersofig #portrait #portraitphotography #butchesbelike #melbourne #australia #butchstyle #masculineofcenter #whatsonmelbourne

3

butchisnotadirtyword

ISSUE 4 IZ HERE - PRE ORDERS NOW AVAILABLE ONLINE (link in bio) - Cover featuring butch sister duo Holly & Laura Tan. We ship internationally and good news for all your USA folks, we’ve restocked and postage is back down to $4 a pop. Meanwhile issue 4 is by far our best one yet, it thematically focuses on love and sex. Fourteen Butches tell stories of their formative loves, and how they’ve learned to navigate their sexuality and relationships, exploring a range of different sub-themes and narratives within this broad topic. These keep getting better and better as we go and we’re super proud of this one! Cover Photo By: @briannagh.clare @lauramstan BUTCH DREAMZ 😍 . #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #queerpublication #dykestowatchoutfor #butchdyke #queer #femalemasculinity #queermasculinity #lesbiansofinstagram #boi #queerboi #dykesofinsta #lgbtqia #tomboystyle #lesbiansofig #gay #gayisok #butchlesbians #butches #butchesbelike #weareeverywhere #itgetsbetter #portraitphotography #portrait #queerpublication #magazines #queermagazine #zine #queerzine #qwoc #qpoc

15

gianni_kin

4

butchisnotadirtyword

A baby butches first suit 😍 Phoebe is an absolute stud muffin who graced the cover of our third issue. She’ll also be competing in our dyke centered arm wrestling contest on Thursday September 13th in Melbourne at our Issue 4 Aussie launch party! Shhh you didn’t hear it from us (but also save the date 😜) @honkytonkbutch . #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #ruralqueers #queerelders #dyke #dykes #dykestowatchoutfor #butchesofinstagram #lesbiansofig #lesbiansofinstagram #gender #gendernonconforming #queer #gendeequeer #gay #gayisok #butchdke #butchlesbian #butchfags #butchqueers #sydney #gaysydney #dykepower #andro #androgynous #androstyle #dykesofinstagram #dykesbelike #femalemasculinity #queermasculinity

20

johnniejoyblue

Week 83. My internal battles are so poetic, Archaic in their dramas. I feel reborn; a true Phoenix. I've had to wage war inside myself in order to find even a glimmer of hope for peace. I was not battling me, not my religion, but the traumatic backlash of sprouting under closed minds in a world that doesn't value humanity. This society, our culture, makes less sense to me daily. But not engaging doesn't save me from being thrust into the harsh, primitive discourse about genitals and roles and the clothes they're allowed to wear; arguments that are in themselves nothing but fuel for a deadly cyclic system. Of course, I want equal rights. What I want more is to exist in an enlightened humanity that does not see boundaries between one another, but rather possibilities. A society that isn't afraid of the unknown or the uncomfortable, and which eagerly pursues perspectives different from their own. Because they understand that peace and a healthy earth begin with an open heart. From where I sit, "be the change" doesn't involve perfecting what you've got. It involves a lot of letting go of what you got. And yet, as passionately as I feel these self-truths, I struggle to let go of so much. I willfully limit my evolution to remain calm in a broken world. Lutter c'est être humain. # Special thanks to @maxshawphotos #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #transandinked  #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

4

johnniejoyblue

Week 82. Staying present is an ongoing lesson; its applications endless. I wanted to be out flipping around on my skateboard by now but that is a beautiful dream of the future. Anyone who has undergone PT knows that healing is the worst of the pain. My autism, my severe anxiety and all my trauma has deeply affected my body along with my emotional state. I began massage therapy with the excitement of finding relief, only to find true relief will come at the hand of months of working out the excruciating knots that are everywhere, on every limb, in every conjunction of muscle and tendon. Additionally, this tension and my slender nature have added to my body's rejection of the dissolvable stitch knots under the skin near my armpits. They pulled one out today and are going to cut the other out next week. This adds a painful delay of 2-3 weeks. Staying in these moments would be unbearable if not for the ease of the smiles that grace my face when I look in the mirror. I'm still in pain but I've never been happier and this pain feels worthwhile. My journey of healing has begun. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

12

reyositodc

CW/TW: NSFW, nudity, fat bodies, kink, leather, collar Cause boy it's cool if you got blue. We got the #pynk. Pynk , like the inside of your...baby (we're all just pynk) Pynk, like the walls and the doors...maybe (deep inside, we're all just pynk). Pynk, like your fingers in my...maybe. Pynk is the truth you can't hide. Pynk, like your tongue going round...baby Pynk, like the sun going down...maybe Pynk, like the holes in your heart...baby Pynk is my favorite part. #janellemonae #dirtycomputer #tenderboi #pastelpup #pup #moc #transboi #boi #queer #latinx #kinky #sub #queermasculinity #softmasculinity #femme

1

butchisnotadirtyword

19

butchisnotadirtyword

11

johnniejoyblue

Week 81. L: 18 mos | R: 0 mos After I initially started HRT, so many things started going right that I was able to clearly see what had been going wrong all along. The overwhelming stress I felt from the first months of purveying damage was so crippling that I was unable to move forward in my transition. A social worker from my doctor's office miraculously got me on the phone. She made me feel safe and validated in my fears. I opened up to her and she took charge of finding me the right therapist and guided me thru the pre-surgery process. Without her sweeping in all angel-like, this would have taken a year longer and I'm not sure I would have lasted a year in that frozen state. I never paid for this service. Carolyn Downs Family Medical Center is the last running clinic fully-funded by the Black Panther Party. It was founded in 1969 and its services and people have saved my life these last 2 years. I never had to fight for the right medical care. In fact, I've only been blessed by all the extra they want to do for me. They played a huge part in making this change possible and beautiful for me. I'm just feeling mighty thankful for them cuz they got me to today - I'm cleared of all physical restrictions and am free to go back to life as normal. HA! I'm not going back to nothin. A whole bunch of people gave me a new start at life. I'm gonna go start it. By dancing. Photos by the talented @maxshawphotos # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

4

butchisnotadirtyword

33

hardwearpendants

1

butchisnotadirtyword

4

butchisnotadirtyword

BIG swoon to @mx._ash_hayes and their butch bestie @dayhalp being cute as all hell 😍 As we wrap up Issue #4 this week we’ve started looking ahead to Issue #6 which will thematically focus on butch besties and butch4butch couples, do you have a best butch pal or a butch sweetie? Do you want to be featured in Issue 6 of our print magazine? Slide into our DM’s! let us come put our camera in your face ! #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #butchesofinstagram #butch4butch #dykestowatchoutfor #queer #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #fucktoxicmasculinity #butchesagainstthepatriarchy #butchpals #lesbiansofig #picofthegay #gender #gendernonconforming #genderqueer #nonbinary #lesbiankiss #dyke #dykesofinstagram #gayisokay #lgbtqi #gaywedding #dykewedding #queerwedding #gaylove #queerlove #lesbianlove

24

butchisnotadirtyword

1

johnniejoyblue

Week 80. 18 mos on testosterone | 4 wks post-op 18 month shoot - photo 9 of 9 Max & I have only had our imaginations to prepare us for this shoot. As the shots clicked onto the viewer screen we were both stopped in our tracks with disbelief. The barrier in my eyes, in front of my chest, and between the lens and me is gone. The comparisons are entirely mind-blowing. I feel like this is my true debut as Johnnie, as myself, cuz I'm finally being honest internally about who I am, and I now have an honest physical representation of who I've been all along. This image is what my psyche thought would appear in the mirror time and again; the frustration of its absence driving me mad. And now it's here: the time when all the pieces of me are put back together. I get to meet me and love me and grow old with me. I get to find my voice and strengthen my center. I get to show my wife who she has been loving so deeply, often blindly. By the power of Love, I begin. By the grace of Love, I will survive. 🙏 Special thanks to @maxshawphotos who continues to have faith in me and in himself ❤ I love you, brother. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

9

butchisnotadirtyword

13

butchisnotadirtyword

BB Butches with the unapologetic courage to stroll around with short hair make my 12 yo low ponytail self want to smile! What pearls of wisdom would you send back in time to ur lil bb butch brain? - Masie Mok 📷 by @nixjstephens . . #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #rainbowfamily #gay #gayisokay #gayfamily #queerfamily #babybutch #qpoc #qwoc #gayyouth #queeryouth #gender #femalemasculinity #queermasculinity #instagay #lgbtqi #lgbtqyouth

14

johnniejoyblue

Week 79. I've been walking around in my new body for a couple weeks now and I feel SO different. Several of those who can see have told me my aura has changed completely. The initial analogy I used of it feeling like handcuffs being removed still stands. I'm now experiencing a lack of painful restraint...a stillness and a mobility so thorough that they transcend lingual description. The liberation is slowly permeating me from body to mind to heart, allowing my true self to shine thru eagerly rather than having to be dragged out. There was something very real, very powerful confining my spirit that was removed with the 100-something cc's of tissue and skin. Before my surgery I was terrified of how I would feel, what I might become in this freedom. I see now that I only fear becoming the person I used to be. And that's impossible now: "a mind once expanded can never again return to its original dimensions." - fortune cookie And once these handcuffs come off, they don't grow back. (Ironic side note: I have more cleavage now than I've ever had.) # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

6

bighunkaspunk

0

bighunkaspunk

0

butchisnotadirtyword

😍 Garden Butch ala Jan Angus, I bet those garden goods sure were tasty with a smear of sundried tomato hummus - Callout for the day, hands up if you’d join Jan for a pot of English Breakfast Tea (with soy milk of course) whilst they gently serenaded you by ukulele? 📷 @nixjstephens . . . #butch #countryqueers #ruralqueers #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #queerfam #queer #queerfamily #butchdyke #butchart #dyke #dykestowatchoutfor #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #genderqueer #gendernonconforming #gaygaygay #lesbiansofinstgram #queersofinstagram #queerelders #instagay #queersofig #portrait #portraitphotography #butchesbelike #ballarat #australia #butchstyle #masculineofcenter #butchesofinstagram

67

johnniejoyblue

Week 78. Walking in public has always been a nightmare of inner turmoil from my dysphoria and the external deflection of people's reactions to seeing a dude with boobs strolling down the street. Since my surgery, people's reactions have shifted but are still present enough to make me feel like a focal point. But I care not, cuz inside I'm mothafucking John Travolta, circa SNF, struttin' confidently to my own beat cuz I'm in love. The outside finally fits what's on the inside and there is no shame staring back at me in the mirror. Only love. I feel like I can finally sing with Chaka Khan now and mean it - cuz I do. I worked really really hard on my insides and my outsides and now I do love myself. To see with retrospective eyes that this was within my power all along is more than a little disappointing. However, this light wouldn't be this bright if I had never known the depths of darkness that I also have the power to create. I understand that I sometimes instigate my own pain. Maybe in my new future I'll gain the wisdom to instigate my own joy. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transvisibility #queer #lovewins

11

un_diverso_tipo_di_produzione

2

butchisnotadirtyword

Aaaaaand that’s a wrap! Spent the weekend 📷 shooting in LA with @evagonzalezmusic @dykeadjacent @yellowonesdontstop and @theboldalchemist . Issue 4 is now officially wrapped and will be in your hot little hands by the end of August. Issue 5 & 6 shoots continue, next stops are Oakland and Minneapolis, slide into our dm’s if you’re in either of these places and are interested in making a submission.

8

butchisnotadirtyword

Whilst we’re on the topic of BUTCH DREAMBOATS here’s a lil more @naa_accepts from the archives. 🔥 here we go again, hands up if you’d let Naa buy you a Negroni then take you out for ice cream 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏾‍♂️🍦🍦🍦🙋🏼‍♂️🙋🏽‍♀️ 📷 by @esthergoodboy #butch #qpoc #qwoc #butchisnotadirtyword #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #gendernonconforming #dykestowatchoutfor #queersofig #gay #gayisok #gaygaygay #lesbiansofinstgram #queerseattle #andro #androstyle #queer #queersofig #queersofinstagram #butchesbelike #butchesofinstagram #handsomegay #seattle #queerseattle #queerportrait #portrait #portraitphotography

15

itsthat_ray

// Who said butch went out of style? // —————————- #newhair #freshcut #butch #queermasculinity #genderqueer #butchisnotadirtyword #sportssocks

29

butchisnotadirtyword

Well I certainly wouldn’t be mad if this dreamboat rocked up on my doorstep ready to take me out to a Melissa Etheridge concert dressed like this 😍. Hands up if you’d parade around town with Jordan and her bolo 🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏻‍♂️ @tussbus_ 📷 @esthergoodboy #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #dyke #butchdykes #naturedyke #dykestowatchoutfor #queer #genderqueer #lesbian #butchlesbians #butchlesbian #andro #gender #androstyle #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gendernonconforming #queersofinstagram #lesbiansofinstagram #lesbiansofig #gay #gayisok #pdxo #portland #portlandor

62

jackson_j28

I remember being an elementary school kid obsessively analyzing the bodies and contours of my boyish classmates. I used to wonder why they were blessed with an innate masculinity that I didn't have. I still have a long way to go to feel truly comfortable in this skin but I can find solace in the milestones I have come to see within my body and perceptions of self. Keep moving, keep living, take walks, find beauty in something small in the day. You are beautiful in every skin. #trans #ftm #transition #bodypositivity #queermasculinity #queer #testosterone #progress #lgbt #transisbeautiful #bodypride #motivation

11

johnniejoyblue

Week 77. My 2nd post op app this morning brought even more relief. Dr. Kyllo took my nipple stitches out and the bandages covering the drainage holes on my sides. I'm not supposed to flex yet so I'm not, but damned if I ain't eager to do a pull up or two. I wondered for so long what I looked like under there. At 17, I won the midwest high school regionals for female bench press, weighing in at 115 lbs and lifting 140 lbs. At 28, certain professionals, shall we say, who valued physical achievement more than anything, watched me break an east coast record of 72 push ups in a minute. But I could only wonder what I had built under those fat masses on my chest. Now I know and now I don't feel like all those inclined push ups were in vain. I feel like all the work I did on my body as a way to deal with my pain might be able to now become work I do because I love my body. It's a simple thought but its implications are profoundly shifting and healing for me. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transandshirtless #queer #lovewins

12

butchisnotadirtyword

OH HAY STUDS 😍🙇🏼‍♂️🐶 Scroll right for a little excerpt from Tahiras Issue 3 Comic Submission. Issue 3 print copies are out of stock until August but digital downloads are a-plenty. Link in bio 👻 #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #butchisnotdead #butchdyke #butchlesbian #queer #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gender #gendernonconforming #butchesofinstagram #dykesofinstagram #dykestowatchoutfor #lgbtqia #queersofinstagram #lesbiankiss #lesbianskissing #lesbianlover #lesbianlovers

5

queerquechua

0

queernature

What if Pan was genderqueer? Wait, what do you mean “if”?! . Some creatures blend in to survive, others dazzle... sometimes we feel like doing a little of both! Playing around with natural pigment camouflage and re-membering the magic of blending in which is the magic of belonging which is queer and fluid because it calls into question where our outlines and surfaces end and the outlines and surfaces of the earth and of other beings 🌲 begin. #glamo 💄courtesy of @queerquechua ’s brilliant peacocking skills. Camo pattern on clothes is ATACS-FG. Natural Camo is charcoal, clay, and ash. #bluesteel #pan #queergreek #queermasculinity #nonbinary #transmasculine #genderqueer #mythicgender #greekmythology #queernature #ancestralskills #queersinnature #queersinthewoods #nothingstraightaboutnature #queerscout #webelongoutside #felizafuera #diversifyoutdoors #diversityinadventure #queerecology #performanceart #pansnotdeadhesjustqueer

25

butchisnotadirtyword

6

johnniejoyblue

RECOVERY UPDATE! The drainage tubes came out for the final reveal this morning. My chest looks FANTASTIC. Dr. Kyllo was quite pleased with his work and with how I'm healing, especially since I underwent 2 surgeries in 24 hours. In my pre-op app I told him that I was trying to be a male model and apparently he took me seriously (as he should have) cuz these cuts are flawless. Also, my new profile! 😍❤😂 I look exactly like me for the first time. I was able to walk standing straight up and down for the first time since puberty! It will take some time for my shoulders to open up and relax after decades of shrugging to hide the boobage, but my Dr's referral for massage and acupuncture will help that along over the summer. I'm so fucking happy. I knew I wasn't ready for all this happy...I might literally burst at the seams. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #queer #lovewins #topsurgery #polyclinic #drkyllo

24

butchtalk

Taken 10 years apart. Although I rocked the long, luscious curls and makeup, the picture on the right is more who I truly am. It has been quite the journey figuring things out, and I’m still learning, but I’m proud of the woman I’ve grown into :) . . . . . #transformationtuesday #butch #butchie #masculineofcenter #femalemasculinity #butchesofinstagram #dyke #lesbian #lesbiansofinsta #lgbt #lgbtq #queer #queermasculinity

13

butchisnotadirtyword

5

johnniejoyblue

Week 76. The liberties bestowed upon me are not lost. As I lay here recovering from gender affirming surgery, I'm also freely adding my voice to the many who have gone before me. The stories of transgender heroes are few and often loosely recorded, mass media blind to our existence because they know, as well as you and me, that knowledge is power, awareness equals change, that Love always wins. An awareness of human equality would ruin our global game of C.R.E.A.M. I'm fortunate to live in a place where I'm not stoned for sharing my story. However, I do live in a world where my transgender tribe is still beaten, murdered, outcast, ridiculed, and dehumanized. So for TransPRIDE this year, I'd like to share this video and add my existence, my voice, my story, to the rich, uncovered history of my people in an attempt to bring the power, to spark the change and to be the Love I want to see in this world. Happy Trans PRIDE, y'all. With gratitude to my ancestors 🙏 **Special thanks to @obrien5054 (Jen O'Brien) for making this dream come true 💖💖💖** Link in comments & bio. Feature length documentary coming March 2019. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins #thejohnniejoystory

6

johnniejoyblue

SURGERY UPDATE: I have not had to go back into surgery, which is cool. The swelling and draining from the right side is becoming more normal, though I am bleeding from the tube entry site. I'm also ready to do handstands and go skateboarding and play in the sun...but I can't see straight yet and my wee legs are bit wobbly. I was allowed to take off the ace bandage and the gauze to see my chest for the first time. All I could do was cry...but not too hard cuz I'm fucking bleeding everywhere. With each graze of my hoodie on my exposed chest flies a thought that used to be only a dream- they're really gone. I'm really free. I don't have to hide any part of me. And the tears start flooding again. # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins #topsurgery

10

butchtalk

What do you do when you’ve been sick for 2 weeks and are going stir crazy? Watch season 2 of @queereye and reinvent the image you put out to the world when it comes to clothing. I started dressing more masculine in my early/mid-twenties and because I felt I missed out on wearing all the fun clothes from the boys section in my childhood and teen years, I’ve been in a rut of wearing clothes I no longer feel empowered or confident in. I’ve been that childlike butch for a long time and have loved it but I’m ready for clothes that showcase more of who I am on the inside. Anyone wanna go drop off this pile to a place that takes donations and then go thrift shopping with me?! . . . . . . #springcleaning #byebyebabybutch #newme #butch #femalemasculinity #moc #masculineofcenter #queermasculinity #sheher

17

butchisnotadirtyword

The Schwules “Queer” Museum in Berlin is currently showing “Lesbisch Sehen”, curated by Birgit Bosold and Carina Klugbauer - they asked us to ship over a few sets of the magaine to go along with the exhibit. Here Gero, Carina & Felix showcase a few of the copies of @butchisnotadirtyword that sold out in under a month 😱😱😱 more copies on the way friends ! 😍 #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #internationalbutchcartel #dykes #butchdykes #butchdyke #queer #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #toxicmasculinitykills #fucktoxicmasculinity #lesbian #lesbians #dyke #dykes #dykesofinsta #lesbiansofig #picofthegay #lesbiankiss #lesbianlover #gender #gendernonconforming #genderqueer #berlin #berlingay #gaygermany @schwulesmuseum

5

butchisnotadirtyword

6

johnniejoyblue

Week 75. It's happening. My surgery is tomorrow morning and almost three decades of pain will come to a roaring 48-hr finale. Even though I've been clean from narcotics longer than I've been sober from alcohol, my addiction follows in the shadows always, patiently waiting for a time to strike. After serious consideration between my surgeon and myself, we decided to proceed without the use of narcotics so that I'm not tripped up now when I'm doing so well. This means I have to endure the first 48 hours before the pain starts to lessen. I will be relying heavily on cannabis whole plant extract to ease the pain and inflammation. I have no doubt that I'll want those pills, and I have no doubt that my true, free voice will tell me to fuck off and grit down for the glory on the other side. Let the battle ensue. I've already won. Many, many thanks again to everyone who donated to my surgery fund and who encouraged others to. My heart is full going into this life-changing operation and I can't tell you how lucky I am to feel that way. 🙏❤ HERE WE GO!! # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #ftmofig #trans #transguy #transman #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #portrait #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #survivor #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins

27

butchisnotadirtyword

4

butchisnotadirtyword

Over the last 10 years my big butch chosen sibling @cinematologist taught me everything I needed to know about not hating myself as a raging butch dyke. May the goddess bless all our queer mentors past and present 🙏🏻 🤓👶🏼 📷 @esthergoodboy #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #butchesofinstagram #butchdyke #dykestowatchoutfor #queer #queermasculinity #femalemasculinity #gayfamily #rainbowfamily #butcheswithbabies #gender #laqueers #lesbiansofig #lesbiansofinsta #androgynous #butchdaddy #butch4butch #butch4femme #dykesfromhell

12

newyorktoycollective

9

butchisnotadirtyword

We are SO HERE for the new and awesome account @butchtransgirls by Maddelyn @bigbutchbabygirl !!! Finding our butch trans sisters historically has not been an easy feat. and I can imagine much less so for those folks looking to connect with each other. You can’t be what you can’t see - visibility is everything and we’re so excited to see this account up and running. To all the trans butch womxn out there we see you and you’re ALWAYS welcome here 🖤 Submissions open to ALL iterations of butch folks ALL the time. Also sidenote ☝🏼 🔥🔥🔥 #butch #butchisnotadirtyword #transbutch #femalemasculinity #queermasculinity #butches #butchesbelike #butchesofinstagram #queer #gender #dykestowatchoutfor #butchdyke

73

butchisnotadirtyword

31

heapscoolstuff

I’m not making Butch badges for the short term ~ Link in bio to get the rest of these cuties. If you miss out, don’t fear butch lover69, I’m gonna create a special custom order section.

1

heapscoolstuff

The Butch 4 Butch are so popular right now! Feel free to DM me if you have custom designs you want made, or comment below 💘

1

johnniejoyblue

Week 74. I can barely stand all the love, connection and inspiration that this week has brought to me. My time at #BHoF felt like a giant family reunion, including members I had not yet met in person. I was surrounded by people who have seen me thru my worst struggles and who were there with hugs and kisses, not only celebrating my health and progress, but also the stunning performance my wife gave, which won her the title of Ms. Exotic World 2018. I'm completely humbled and honored to have been adopted by the burlesque community. I feel I owe a great debt to all the powerful strippers and drag artists who have helped me understand how to see a person's heart and soul before their outer glow. I needed that wisdom so that I could see my own heart under all the manufactured glow that I had mistaken for identity. My wife has been my brightest guiding light as I've learned this vital lesson of becoming genuine and she's always been my Queen because of her deep wisdom and compassion. Now she is this entire community's Queen and I couldn't be more excited because I know this means all of you get to experience some of her magic now, too - the same magic that has helped me heal. I'm so proud of her, of us. I'm so grateful for all of you. AND 1 WEEK TILL SURGERY!! 😲 # #johnniejoyweekly #ftm #ftmtransition #ftmlife #transgender #trans #transmasculine #transition #testosterone #queermasculinity #transmodel #model #bodypositivity #journey #thisiswhattranslookslike #vitaminT #queerbodies #legalizetrans #transisbeautiful #transandproud #aspergers #asd #transonthespectrum #queer #lovewins #burlesque #sheisINGA

5

butchisnotadirtyword

12