🍁 CW: discussion of suicide 🍁 PART 2
🐤 I made it to college, and in my new freedom and friendships I found so much room to breathe.
🦆 but I stopped being open about my pain with my friends — I just got awkward silence.
🌑 and I still had to go home, each time more unbearable than the last as Religious Trauma Syndrome took its course.
some nights, I couldn’t even walk outside. what if God struck me down?
🌪 I told my therapist, “ I feel like I can either be straight and alive or queer and dead.”
I came close to suicide multiple times on campus and at home over the years.
in dec 2016, I was convinced that when my family found out I was a queer unbeliever, my life would end.
I came home from church close to suicide.
but that night, something snapped in me.
instead of death, I decided to lay in bed and dream of the life I’d want if nothing stood in my way.
✨ that was the beginning of everything. slowly, slowly, slowly, the light seeped in.
👥 I began finding stories of others like me. I clung to them like golden threads in a dark labyrinth.
🕊 and one day in March 2017, the truth blurted itself out of me. my parents withdrew support.
and never, never, NEVER did I feel more damn powerful, or more damn hopeful.
I appealed for financial aid to stay in school, worked 2 jobs, couchsurfed, and found a chosen family all around me.
I am happy, I am healing, I am finally free.
👉🏼 that’s why I’m here. 👈🏼
that’s why I tell my story, and why I uplift others’ with the Far From Alone series.
I get emails and messages from people struggling like I was.
if you are closeted, if you are trying to live, if you are recovering from religious wounds —
I see you. I hear you. I have love for you. 💝
and you don’t have to do this alone.