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celestial_servant

Gosh, back when Iris was just a teeny tiny babe. Still nursing- CONSTANTLY. In need of me- ALWAYS. I remember swaying my nights away, in front of those windows... praying she would let me sneak out of her bedroom without rousing, hoping I could have some time alone to regather my thoughts.. oh how times have grown, and progressed, and yet how things stay the same..

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sapogonia

Winter #solstice started with an early morning epic tarot reading, proceeded to a full day of navigating childcare and work and a flooded front yard, talking shop with @centerforparticipatorychange, ending with a popcorn ball session courtesy @son_ofa_butcher and @teamreframe, fire cider and taco making and a head cold from hell, and an inspirational video from @hwanthology. Wouldn’t trade any of it for anything. Anything! Here’s to a winter’s beginning and a soon to be new year where manifestation and desire reign supreme. . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #motherhoodrising #childhoodunplugged #shenandoahvalley #singersglenn #elinvierno

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sapogonia

That feeling when after an hour of effort using a zillion methods supplied by your grandmama and google you finally break into the mole you made probably a year ago or more but you can’t remember the date cause you didn’t write it down. • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #mole #cocinaconcorizon #méxicolindo #countryqueers #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising

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sapogonia

Goodnight and good morning. I hope the thinning brought some wild sustenance back to your body 🙏🏽 . . . #nepantla #elcenote #diadelosmuertos #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #ancestorsrising #shenandoahvalley #traumaresistance #generationalhealing #witchesnewyear

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sapogonia

Replaced my fancy pen I lost some time ago thanks to @ameliaelizas, talked to my friend @mzshaps about plagues of our movements, planted some garlic and started a new bed, cleaned my house, packed the kids bag, took a little space horse ride to the cemetery, took a longer car ride to another cemetery to pour one out and ran into @bcortes_7, did Halloween, you know, pretty much killed my last day of staycation. Who knows what else I’ll get into before 3AM comes 💀 . . . #staycation #singersglen #shenandoahvalley #teamspacehorse #diadelosmuertos #ancestorscalling #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #elcenote #nepantla #countryqueers #witchesnewyear #scorpioseason

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sapogonia

I have been daydreaming about this Pakistani birthday stew for going on two weeks. It took me all day to cook it while catching up on birthday wishes from around the globe and writing, writing, writing. There is no photo evidence because I ate it all in a glorious feast. Afterwards, I ate the most magnificent donut cake that my mama made and that my friend @mzshaps recommended. Thank you for your love, your energy, your prayers, and your blessings. Your magnificence brings me joy and hope and vision. I can only hope to return the glory🖤🙏🏽🖤. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #shenandoahvalley #scorpioseason #brujxconocimiento

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sapogonia

I did not wake up to breakfast in bed, balloons or confetti but to a sleeping child lying amidst the blazing glory of the autumnal sun beaming through dew drops on the window. Waking up is everything in a year when I was not sure I would survive, in a year where death and grief followed me around, in a year I was almost certain I would not survive one more round of life’s despair. Today, I wandered about the woods to see everything around me both dying and living and all at once I felt at home amongst the wildness of things. Here I am, reborn another year, at the curtain of life and death, at the place that has come for me and that I have journeyed to see. Here there are those we have lost, pieces of ourselves we abandoned, and the visions that have come before. Together they are singing hoping that we may each hear and sense their sound and tremor to light the way. . . . #yearofeternalspring #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #shenandoahvalley #scorpioseason #nepantla #elcenote #traumaresilience #mentalhealthawareness #brujxconocimiento #staycation

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sapogonia

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sapogonia

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sapogonia

Annual staycation is ON! Lovin’ on all the things that stay, that show up, that exude home, that endure both pain and joy, that understand the contradictions of life and can see beyond their horizon. Lovin’ on seeing the other side, on embracing the shadows, on transformation, on becoming, on being, on learning and holding all the curves of our souls. Lovin’ on endings and beginnings and innocence and the pure glee and curiousness that exudes off of this one true love. What a glory and gift that our souls were to be united in this lifetime. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #staycation #elotoño #countryqueers #shenandoahvalley #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #childhoodunplugged #scorpioseason #brujxconocimiento

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sapogonia

Scorpio season commence. May we all embrace shedding with a glorious welcome and dance 🐍♏️🌕🦂 . . . #yearofeternalspring #nepantla #elcenote #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #countryqueers #traumarecovery #traumaresilience

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franco_forte_

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franco_forte_

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sapogonia

A million amazing things happened tonight in #Albuquerque at the @teamreframe closing convening reception for the class of 2018, this photo shoot was but one of them. Thanks @keithbrooks for the snap, @jasmarlee_ @janaebates7 @miguelesandrade and the rest of you for kicking it with me all night and dancing ‘til we couldn’t ❤️ @hairo_0 @canelita.l til we meet again! I am so filled with joy y’all! . . . #yearofeternalspring #teamreframe #newmexicotrue #landofenchantment #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers

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sapogonia

Some weeks ago in one of our many random text message threads about the wild ride of parenting, @prima.de.afuera asked me, “From where do we get our power?” It was rhetorical, not to be answered in that avenue but a prompt for exploring. This question and all its facets, nooks and crannies thread together a type of discovery that comes from the sluggish work of digging around in one’s own mind and slowing enough to hear the instinctual whispers that are always accompanying us. I’ve been quiet in this reflection - writing to find a path, but not an answer, and holding all the truths and falsehoods that emerge. You see, power is a tricky thing with trials and tribulations of both our own making and all that is around us. Power is both imagined and tangible, individual and collective, a poison and a medicine. We come to know our power, where we abuse it, where we give it away, where it is taken away, and where we wield it for the greatest good by the very walk of life itself. Each well of experience and knowledge and learning cannot be traded or bartered away. We must trust and risk and create and fight for the sake of our power, for all its might, filled with grace, is part of our equation for liberation. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #liberationinourlifetime #countryqueers #happymonday #brujxconocimiento

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sapogonia

Taking turns using this room for a Sunday Cardi B and Destiny’s Child dance haven and a stage for the three little pigs even though I need to pack for Albuquerque because why not. . . . #yearofeternalspring #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #childhoodunplugged #procrastinating #traumarecovery

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sapogonia

Daydreaming about Zacatecas y La Estancia. Seeing mirrors in these hills. Making moves on this journey. We got everything we need and smiling towards los nubes knowing they’ve got gifts we can’t even see coming. Falling in love everyday with the truth in these bones. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #zacatecas #florencia #laestancia #shenandoahvalley #countryqueers #elverano #traumarecovery #mentalhealthawareness #susto #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco

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sapogonia

Homeward bound and feeling blessed to hear about organizing in Texas from the Rio Grande Valley to Austin to Houston to El Paso and to offer support where called upon and possible. Lots of reflecting on movement building in this time, my role in it, and how it’s been transforming and shape shifting, calling my name and making space. Some of that space making has been hard as fuck and confusing, but it’s been such a gift of learning what it means to trust myself and choose myself over and over again in service of the destiny of the collective liberation of our people. . . . #yearofeternalspring #riograndevalley #tejas #movementbuilding #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #countryqueers #nobannowall #traumarecovery #mentalhealthawareness

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sapogonia

Sometimes grief gets stuck in the body, sometimes it becomes water that moves through you, transforming, sometimes it wells back up in the form of a wave of rage and fire. Sometimes it becomes a small stone that you roll around in the palm of your hand as an accompaniment to meditation. Grief, it has metamorphosis and seasons too. . . . #yearofeternalspring #margaretatwood #tejas #soco #spellboundherbals #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #traumarecovery #mentalhealthawareness #grief #sundaymood

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sapogonia

Been dreaming about el cenote. Been writing, writing, writing. Been knowing. Been coming up for air. Been calling in chosen familia for each of their special skills. Been hitting my 205 day meditationversary. Been celebrating small victories. Been reflecting on the magic that is my life. Been seeing the gifts of ten years of deep commitment to sharing the stories that matter. Been seeing the spirits of the dead accompanying me. Been time traveling. Been growing. Been transforming. Ain’t no metamorphosis here yet but that molting sure is here (thank you @chaninicholas and los dos mariposa visitors for affirming my morning pages). Really, this is a post about all that and to say thank you and to say some things are coming and to say that eating this ceviche I made is probably the best thing that’s happened to me all year and I couldn’t be happier. . . . #elcenote #yearofeternalspring #nepantla #mariposa #traumarecovery #mentalhealthawareness #countryqueers #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising

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sapogonia

Consistently the best thing about my Saturday’s. This kid is all the ground to my fire, wind, and water. Thank god for that, thank god. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #verano #sábado #motherhoodrising #childhoodunplugged #radicalwomenco #countryqueers

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celestial_servant

I would assume that many of the people that follow this page found me because of this little one. How could anyone deny this face, right? I surely cannot, this fiery nearly three year old- making me the wombxn I am. Just being her little Virgo self. Last night, while watching the original Land Before Time, I naturally being my Pisces-self, was quietly sobbing, Iris Ielah turns to me and says, “ Mom, why are you upset” I respond by saying “Littlefoot just lost his mother.” Slightly puzzled still she turns back to the movie.. and then adds “I hope I never lose my mother.” And just like that, I am reminded the real reason I am doing all this deep self work. Because I never want my baby to lose her mother...

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sapogonia

Maybe you thought you were giving yourself a gift But you left it on my doorstep By accident Or chance Or serendipity Or fate The cause is no matter. There is purpose here. Here, there is ringing clarity amidst the shadows where we are lucky enough, have worked hard enough, to see the magic and mystery behind the veil. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #tejasbound #elverano #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #childhoodunplugged #mentalhealthawareness #traumarecovery #ptsd

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alexandrasadventures

Nursing my sweet boy before the bride blessing + life cycles ritual we had for @sacred.origins. Last week a group of us wombyn gathered in sisterhood to honor Gabriella before her wedding. Throughout the week we dove into various rituals ranging from plant medicine journeys to music & dance to chocolate & flower crown making to a pagan bride blessing ceremony led by elders from the goddess temple. The depths of what we experience in these spaces, I shall not even attempt to describe; the magic of true sisterhood and of sacred ritual could never be fully honored by written words. But what I will say here is Thank You to the wombyn in my life & beyond who are prioritizing gathering in circle and going deep in these ways, just as women have always done and will always do. The Goddess is rising, and as her daughters it is our duty & privilege to support the healing & reawakening by reconnecting with the Earth, each other, and our own wild nature, together. . ***had to repost this because I forgot to put sparkles on his booty... my photos keep getting reported & removed so I now use an app called LensLight to cover up nipples & booties! ✨💗 #sisterhood #daughtersofEarth #wildwomen #wombynhood #love #connection #support #authenticity #goddessrising #bride #blessing #beauty #tribe #sacred #ritual #prayer #circle #empowerment #normalizebreastfeeding #bosomnectar #lenslightapp #tribedemama #radicalwomenco

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sapogonia

Monday night laundromat sunset planning ritual while in the ritual of folding, folding, fold the soul back into the body. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #nepantla #naguala #motherhoodrising #countryqueers #radicalwomenco #mentalhealthawareness

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sapogonia

Pulled this card this morning, a reflection of a decade of desire ready to move from the plane of the subconscious to this material world. Listening to every sign, every dream symbol, every card, every animal spirit that has crossed my path this month. Small reminders and big reminders that the universe is conspiring in my favor, I just need to keep doing the work. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #coatlicue #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #verano #slowhollertarot #mentalhealthawareness

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sapogonia

Started the #summersolstice weekend with the blessing of chosen family, a magical summer rain and ritual, and a deep unearthing of the foundation that remains when everything at the surface crumbles away. Feeling open to both strength and vulnerability, to both planning and spontaneity, to both goals and surprises. Cultivating fortitude amidst the deep spiritual, cultural, social, and political crises we are swimming in at this moment is imperative and not easy. As I feel joy and excitement creeping back into the crevices of my spirit for the journey ahead, I’m holding the contradiction of the call to show up for our people where and when we can. I am exploring, experimenting, and practicing balance and boundaries. I know I’m not alone in that quandary and grateful to each of you that have shared with me your own trials and tribulations the past few weeks. I believe in me and I believe in us. Solstice blessings to you all 🙏🏽 . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #coatlicue #verano #organize #movementbuilding #mentalhhealthawareness #traumaresilience #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #countryqueers #scenesfromsunday #freeourfutures #abolishice #nomoreprisons #slowhollertarot

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sapogonia

Despite the trappings and contradictions of nationalism and this one fighting a cold, we’re ready for this match! 🇲🇽 . . . #elcenote #yearofeternalspring #copamundial #elverano #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #méxico #vivaméxico #eltri

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sapogonia

Back yard kiddie pool lemonade and grilling in the blistering sun season is upon us. Looking towards the solstice with every bit of pride and joy for making it to this exact moment of gratitude. I am here. I am strong. I trust myself. Words I’ve fought so damn hard to say and believe. Thank you village, thank you 🙏🏽. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elverano #elcenote #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #mentalhealthawareness

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mayapapayam

five years ago today i flew to Madrid and directly got on the next train to Sevilla...the solo trip was a gift to myself for having the courage, finally, to leave my toxic and abusive marriage...despite knowing the vengeance filled consequences that awaited me (for years afterwards) for doing it. those days in Spain marked the dawn of a new way for me, one of actualization, worth, and love of self.

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annabelle_fern

No matter how different we appear on the outside, no matter who we are or what we’ve done or what we have, we are connected by a thread of fragility. One tender string of life that can be so easily broken. Years of my life were wrought with anxiety and depression. I was addicted to self-destruction (taking way too many drugs, abusing my body with an eating disorder) that I used to cope with a mind that felt out of my control. During my darkest years, I lived through a tremendous amount of suffering, internal conflict, feelings of isolation from loved ones, and shame at my actions. I sought help from in-patient treatment, therapists, medications, and finally stumbled upon some positive coping tools that I am lucky work very well for me (running, plant-based nutrition, journaling, yoga, and meditation to name a few). I have grown with age, with motherhood. I have found magic tricks that make it easier. I have been blessed with many days when I have not suffered. Still, there is some wonky chemistry in my brain that I must remain mindful of always. I understand how sensitive humans are, how serious a bad moment or day can be for some. For some like me. Mental illness is a very individual battle, one that takes on a form for each sufferer as unique as our fingerprints. It is elusive and tricky, it is constant even when out of sight, it comes in strong waves. All I can think to do in this moment is to remain open with my own pains, listen carefully to those of others, and move with tremendous compassion for myself and those around me. Let’s all remember to be more gentle, please. 🌿

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sapogonia

Stuck in Dublin for yet to be determined amount of time. Do you think the universe is just trying to test my stamina and resiliency these past few weeks? Pulling it out of the deepest wells y’all, because I am stubborn and determined as the best of them and lord knows I’ve seen worse. Grateful to the ancestors and compxs who’ve been pulling out all the stops. #notmyfinaldestination . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #motherhoodrising #dublin #countryqueers #radicalwomenco

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sapogonia

I didn’t burn it or put it in a box. I couldn’t. I built an altar, a homage to love and all the things that it gifted me. A homage to a sacred vessel that was familia and to a place that I had come to think of as home. There is no room for bitterness here. There’s only room to grow that with which we were blessed to live, to pass it on. What an honor to have such an experience, to meet another soul in both the light and the dark, to ride the waves of this thing called life, for but a moment in time on the watch of the universe. . I place the unsent letter here: making magic, making alchemy, making life. . “Below the full moon: humid breeze, magical coves, secret scrubs… And the unicorn in the heightened wild scrubland, ready to flee, alert and tense.” . Here I meditated, prayed, held space, gave thanks this week. Is this grief? . Time, I whisper. It is everything and nothing. We crossed aeons to get to one another. And now? We let a mere ocean get in the way. . Oh, this is pain and sorrow and rage and joy and love - the thing we call heart break but that is too vast for just one word or organ. . Time, I whisper again. It is everything and nothing. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #countryqueers #maracaibo #venezuela

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sapogonia

This snake manifested before me today. I received this message last summer when another Black snake came to me... The last one dead, this one shedding. “The snake asked that you have a ritual in which you shared your energy with your environment, with the river or stream. The snake is your protective totem, a water snake. In indigenous symbology, all ancient snakes were snakes of water. The snakes are great water creators, they are near the springs of rivers, the protectors and guardians of hydral cultures, of water, the fountains and springs of rivers. Latin American and Asian cultures hold them as water protectors. It told Leslie, "I am a water snake". Its colors were vibrant, purple and green... The snake that you saw was the protector of the river where you were. It manifested itself at that moment because your totem manifested itself at that moment. Proof of the connection. A clear line of communication.” . Ok universe, I hear you. I hear you. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #coatlicue #traumarecovery #countryqueers #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #mentalhealthawarenessmonth

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sapogonia

Dentists. May 2018. My then partner had been insisting I take care of my physical health. He worried about my vessel as much as I worried about his. It took almost a year of a decent salary and good health insurance to convince me I could. I scheduled the appointment for a physical before I left the states. My body filled with dread, but I did it. While I was in Maracaibo, I went to the dentist. He scheduled the appointment for me and we went in just days before I was to depart. . It should have been a filling for a cavity and a routine cleaning. The dentist gently fills my cavity. I breathe. It’s been over a decade since I’ve had this done. She moves onto the cleaning. I breathe again. She begins, to scrape under the crevices of my gums. Inhale, I tell myself. I try not to choke but my mouth is filled with cotton and blood and pain. There is nothing routine about decades worth of shame filling your mouth with blood. You know it’s not your fault, but you cry anyway. You cry out of anger. You cry out of pain. You cry because you are exhausted. Head spin. Tail spin. Spinning. . When we talk about trauma collectively we too often conflate it with single incidents, but there is a trauma that is the trauma of the osmosis of oppression or generations of pain we’ve inherited. As much as we have our resilience and our resistance, we have these other things too. . The dentist worked to keep up with the blood but had to call it before she could finish. I slid off the chair and slinked into the car. I felt like I’d run a marathon. . Shame is such an invasive feeling. It holds onto your vibrations like glue and becomes you when it is present. You become it, embodied, and you wait for the worst of everything to fall into your lap. Shame gives a home for our inner demons to play. They dance their way out of our psyches and into our conversation and our actions. They tell you to go on the defense - to protect yourself before the cards fall. I’d like to say I can’t recognize this person, but I know her well. I’ve known her for a long time despite my efforts to shove her into a corner, to pretend that she was not a part of me. . Contd below

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sapogonia

Yesterday’s prelude to a full moon. I never get tired of this view and the magic in the sky. Never wary of throwing my questions into this wind. Keep following the wind someone once told me 4 1/2 years ago as they cleansed me in the way of their indigenous tradition. I was pregnant and maybe for the first time began to see the spirit inside of me - what it longed for, what it deserved, what it dreamed of and desired for its wholeness. That too happened on the side of a mountain - in Tennessee at another holy place. I was grateful then. I am more grateful now. Follow the wind I remember. The truth has been there all along. . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #shenandoahvalley #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #countryqueers #traumarecovery

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annabelle_fern

I think it’s safe to say that Oak’s half-moon home has grown into a full-moon home (happy full-moon in Sag!) and I honestly don’t know how to dress without letting it all hang out. 🌕✨ It’s funny, I was so secretive with Persephone’s name when I was pregnant with her (to this day, we still call her baby P). I named her after my favorite Greek myth, one that speaks to light and darkness and the deep bond between mother and daughter, after she came to me in a dream and told me that was her name. This time around, I felt certain that I would give my baby a literary name, but not one of my favorite character or author names were right for my son. I shared this with my partner one night back in January. Frustrated, thinking that the literary names sounded too pretentious and that this baby felt grounded, like something of the earth. He proposed Oak as a name. He recalled that we met for our first date in Oak Street Plaza, that my parents and grandparents both live on Oak Street, and that the first time we slept over as a blended family was while I was house sitting for my grandparents on Oak Street. It was that night on Oak Street, only a few weeks into knowing each other, that my partner told me he loved me for the first time. Of course, I thought. Oak. It so suddenly became our son’s name and we have all been calling him by it since. Somehow, his presence has felt stronger since we have acknowledged him by name and shared his name with others. He isn’t yet here, but we are celebrating him in full force. 🍂 How did you find your baby names, mamas? I would love some baby name stories, if you feel pulled to share. ☺️ #growingbabyoak #thirdtrimester #35weeks #babynamemeaning #tribedemama #radicalwomenco

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sapogonia

Santos and I danced in the morning drizzle. We ate plantains and pasta. We played with a new saber tooth tiger and his spider man walkie talkies despite their lack of batteries. His resilience and joy reminds me of mine. I stuck my hands in dirt for the first time in a long while. I pulled weeds like a mad person. Once they were all out, I worried about the coming rain. What now would hold the moisture? No matter. The flowers can now breathe and it is time for ground cover, for coaxing, for rebuilding soil. . In the backdrop I saw the lilies just starting to bloom. Lilies. I couldn’t help but laugh at this grand gesture of the universe, at this symbol of our love, at the dream that started it all, at this reminder of all the sweetness your love did and does hold, at the irony of blooming. . The universe is pulling at both of us, pulling us apart, pushing us together, pulling again like taffy that can never quite regain its shape, testing the waters for what kind of shape we can be together, an ancestral and amorphous one, I believe, one that is meant to change, and to change, and to change. . I realized somewhere between January and now that love has both limited capacities and abundance. In and of itself it can hold many things, but it must be both cast and received in a broad net. Love, it must be fed with gratitude, consistently, over time, across time, across space, across people. Without this it cannot survive. It must change, we must change, like the water. . You always said there was something about water. Yes, there is something about water. Can we survive its tides? Its flooding turning creeks into rivers and then into oceans of our imagination? Can we surrender to its power and know that this new shape that we take is how we survive? . . . #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #bipolar #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #traumarecovery

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sapogonia

Of course, I could not sleep. One morning this week I had the great luxury of meditating on this beach in Miami for an hour. During that time I could feel my mind trying to find the way back to itself, trying to carve out new neuro-pathways. Logic clashes with instinct. . On my trip to Venezuela I was triggered around sexual trauma. It was an innocent occurrence, but it sent me into two weeks of manic spiraling and one week of deep depression. The symptoms for me include high anxiety (including frequent attacks), compulsive sharing and rapid conversation and instigation, and the feeling of dying which really means the feeling of the weight of a car on my chest. During this part of the cycle I can “function” but people around me are often worse for the wear because my entire body and mind is oriented around survival. Meanwhile, my spirit floats around desperately trying to ground my mind and body in what it knows to be true - this is not a situation that needs surviving. These spells creep up around triggers and for most of the past year have been consuming my life and my relationships bit by bit. . I write all this down publicly, because I must and because too many of us are suffering in silence - even if we have strong support networks. Our people sometimes cannot avoid internalizing the intensity that we bring, cannot stay in with us for their own self-preservation, have not experienced nor can understand the rapid cycle of mistrusting one’s own mind. . There is a danger in lending one’s behavior entirely to outside factors - though they certainly play a role. I am clear with myself that a lifetime’s worth of unresolved trauma and survival has mostly been handled by throwing myself into movement and being a workaholic. I made a decision around this time last year to step away as I could to get a grip on what I could feel was spiraling out of control. Then, and now, I knew I would lose some pieces of my life along the way, but that what I was gaining was what I needed to focus on, even if being healthy seems impossible. . I instituted a number of practices this past year that I’ve stuck with steadily. They have helped but they have also opened up a deep...

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sapogonia

In this journey the people you think and desire to show up sometimes don’t. Maybe they can’t or won’t or maybe you just can’t see the ways that they are - longing for something that no one can give you but yourself. Along the way there are surprises too - salvation in the form of unsung angels who help you believe in yourself, validate your feelings of unfairness and burden, who help you see the light outside of the dark, who show you what to walk away from and what to walk towards by their very presence, who are committed to helping you emerge from the cave. Trust or faith is funny that way. It comes and it goes or at least it wavers from visibility in your periphery. This human flaw I find somewhat comforting, because it means that conditions can transform and that means there can be this thing called hope. . . . #elcenote #yearofeternalspring #countryqueers #shenandoahvalley #radicalwomenco #bipolar #mentalhealthawarenessmonth

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_alma.rebelde_

Here's a clip from our second episode where we share a passage from the anthology "Revolutionary Mothering: Love on the Front Lines". 👩‍👧‍👦💜💪🏽 #Repost @conlascomadres with @get_repost ・・・ Our second episode is finally up on Soundcloud! Click on the link in our bio to hear Revolutionary Motherhood Part 1. In this episode we’ll catch you up on what we’ve been up too; from our travels to our reflections after reporting on the Central American Caravan for @fiercemitu and what we learned from the mothers we met. As we delve deeper into the topic of motherhood, we honor las luchas of our foremothers and celebrate the women who continue to perform this labor of love. You’ll hear from #comadres @poetic_z from @mamaztribe and Yesenia from @af3irmla on how they intentionally practice #RevolutionaryMothering to build a just and sustainable future for their children and communities. -Music Featured- “Los Peces Gordos No Pueden Volar” by @anatijoux “Labor of Girl” by @bambudepistola and @rockyrivera #motherhood #resistance #resilience #wocpodcast #refugeecaravan #marchwithoutborders #laluchasigue #migrantmothers #transnationalfeminism #therevolutionstartsathome #spotifybootcamp #feministpodcast #radicalwomenco #mothersofcolor

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sapogonia

When @mzshaps and @redredrogue rescue a 20-30 year old t-shirt from its journey to the dump and mail it to you just in time for your travel journey that thus far has only included a few hours of sleep. Leaving the states to see my love and catch my breath. Plan on spending an inordinate amount of time disconnected from my phone, reading, writing, staring at mountains, being loved on and loving @_danielcber, taking in sun, and remembering the long lineage of #countrywomen who have my back no matter what the future holds. • • • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #radicalwomenco #countryqueers #countrywomen #motherhoodrising #rural #venezuela #maracaibo #gratitude

5

sapogonia

Mothering has been full of complaining lately. Lord knew I needed a three year old with the will power of a grown person. He gets it honest, I know. Some days all I can think about is how tired I am trying to balance keeping him safe and not squandering his free spirit. That’s the crux of it. This morning as the rain hit the roof, I was engrossed in my writing, in reflecting. I was pulled out by the scuffling of sockless feet that then crawled up into my lap. He hardly fits there anymore, and I thought to myself, for all the complaining and the exhaustion, I’m gonna miss this era of childhood and parenting when it’s over. Kids are such an image of the illusion, complication, and reality of time. • • • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #childhoodunplugged #countryqueers

6

sapogonia

Quit my job. Feeling free. Feeling held. Waiting for the universe to bring what’s next. Meditating on Audre Lorde, “I am who I am doing what I came to do.” Just getting a little clearer and closer every day. Learning from this one about being uninhibited, unhinged, uncertain, and unplanned in all its drama and glory. • • • #elcenote #yearofeternalspring #motherhoodrising #childhoodunplugged #radicalwomenco #sábado #shamoftheperfect

13

sapogonia

How do you know if something is a distraction or a sign? Another non-hypothetical question for you. The universe remains a mysterious wonder to me which on most occasions is welcomed and in many instances confusing. • • • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #brujaswannaknow

17

sapogonia

I find myself in the great position of luxury and fortune to be able to contemplate about what to do with the rest my life. Tell me, if fears and money and time were no obstacle, what do you think I should be when I grow up? (This is not a rhetorical question) • • • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #countryqueers

8

sapogonia

What I would really love is if this mercury retrograde would come for the patriarchy. So. Fucking. Over. It. More trees, less bullshit. I’m recommitting this spring to not bending over backwards for anybody (except my kid) who isn’t reciprocating that energy back with the full gusto it deserves. I’m recommitting to not letting strangers zap me of what feels like precious energy. No, I’m not special, but I’m recovering from years of giving it away and damnit it is finite. I read somewhere I’m supposed to envision an endless well but that must be the 2.0 of this journey that I can’t even fathom yet. Hoping this last minute, last gasp of winter snow coming tonight takes my bitterness with it when it melts. In the meantime, there’s frozen pizza and spilling my guts on paper in some maybe vain effort to learn how to trust people again. • • • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco

1

sapogonia

No words just lots of moods and memories. • • • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #countryqueers

2

sapogonia

Today has been the kind of day between work and meals and very long to do lists that has included crying over these arepas I found buried in the back of my fridge. Long distance is tough when your love is such good medicine for your spirit. Missing @_danielcber and daydreaming about our next visit while I stare at spreadsheets wishing for time travel and transfiguration. • • • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #arepas #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising

2

sapogonia

Early mornings have always been my most cherished times. I owe that to muscle memory and genetic memory. Farm workers and factory workers meditate on the light of day before it’s even arrived often. We create sacred space where we can make it, because we must. • • • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #motherhoodrising #scalawag #countryqueers #radicalwomenco

2

celestial_servant

Feeling indeed cracked open by this change of season and Full Moon. Sometimes you simply MUST lay your head down, dig your fingers in, and let your tears and fears be the love upon which new things grow. I hope everyone had a blessed full moon and Ēostre. Are there any other Pagans/Wiccans/ Earth worshippers on here? How do you celebrate your pagan celebrations?

5

celestial_servant

I want you to crack me open I want you to break my molds I want you to push me, To the edge To the place where my feet no longer graze the floor I’m pacing so fast Push me to the point where I fly. Show my insides to the gods. Do the angels clap when the iron gates of heaven open for another soul that dreamed of better day? Get closer to me. Because the only way to really know me, is to hear my heart. Does it always rumble like that when you’re scared? Does your heart cry tears like your eyes do? I think I can hear it weeping now.. Keep pushing Keep pushing Push softly, -they say that’s where the growth happens Photo by the magickal witch, @nikitagross // @_marriedtothemoon_

7

humblewildwoman

tonight i had a conversation with my oldest, no longer a little kid, not quite a teen. i asked him if he knows what consent means and his response blew me away. i always wonder if i am doing enough to raise kids that will respect boundaries and know how to set them. i think things are going alright.

10

sapogonia

Woke up in prayer. For the kids, for pacha mama, so that we may all stand in some dignity in the now and for what is to come. I saw the morning light, consecrated my blessings and saw the truth. I’ve worked hard for this place - a place where my soul can rest and where my mind and body can land after journeys of all kinds. Home sweet home. • • • #elcenote #yearofeternalspring #motherhoodrising #countryqueer #rural #radicalwomenco

2

sapogonia

My country ass is never happy to be waiting for this train at 1 AM. Take me back to the hills. • • • #countryqueers #motherhoodrising #radicalwomenco #elcenote #yearofeternalspring

11

sapogonia

Sábado things. Washing my clothes like I’m washing my soul for these new moon manifestations 🌙 • • • #elcenote #yearofeternalspring #fujiinstax #radicalwomenco #motherhoodrising #newmoon #sábado #lavadora

0

mama.ante.portas

Sharing so-called private issues publicly creates awareness. It eliminates shame, brings people together and encourages empathy and compassion. It is a form empowerment. There are two reasons for keeping things private: protection and shame. And it's mostly the latter. Mostly, for issues one should never ever be ashamed of: (mental) illnesses, wonky biographies, 'failed' careers, bodies that don't meet society's beauty standards.... Also, it's personal. You are allowed to hide, or to reveal, whatever feels right to you ❤ #healingjourney #healingisnotlinear #endthestigma #privacy #shame #feminism #sisterhood #letstalkaboutmentalhealth #empathy #love #momentsofme #mymotherhood #hope #radicalsoftness #radicalwomenco #tribedemama #birthofamama #softwoman #feminist #bodypositivity #selfcare

9

mama.ante.portas

Today, I came across photographer @linascheynius account and a last photo of her and her man who had just recently broken up with her. I started crying immediately. The expression in her face reminded me so much of myself, almost two years ago. Today is one of those days, where these two years feel like minutes. Today, I wish I had taken one last photo of us together. Today, I wish I had reacted differently; better, more mature. I wish I had been the person I am today. Would I had perhaps been enough? Tomorrow, I will see clearly again. I will know that a love where one is not 'enough', isn't love. I will know that love requires so much more than temporary emotions - commitment, sacrifice, trust, forgiveness, dedication. And I will be able to find strength in this state of grief and a life that has lost most of its magic. And deep within, I know how much I've grown - into a warrior, a mother, a gentle woman; a woman who knows her worth. {film photo from our honeymoon to Sweden} #grief #breakup #love #divorce #healingjourney #heartbreak #loss #lostlove #singlemum #alleinerziehend #fromwhereistand #momentsofme #heartache #loveofmylife #stagesofgrief #healingisnotlinear #motherhood #radicalwomenco #tribedemama #birthofamama #mutterschaft #feminism #sisterhood

6

sapogonia

Good morning Sunday. Found some chingona wisdom on hand by way of books and zines. Sometimes we have everything we need. • • • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #limpia #radicalwomenco #childhoodunplugged #motherhoodrising

6

annabelle_fern

Hanging out with a friend’s little one today while my big girls are off on a sleepover adventure. Having a tiny body moving around the home makes me all the more excited to welcome our baby earthside in a few months. I'm also totally wearing the same shirt I wore yesterday. 😅✨ #expectingwomban #tribedemama #radicalwomenco

2

celestial_servant

I want to be soft, soft, soft...-all over Don’t let me grow too fast and callous over my still gapping wounds. I want to heal slow. I want to let you and him and her and the whole world know That’s even when I could be hard I chose to be Soft, soft, soft, and slow. It’s International Womxns Day, I’m not really sure what that means, but I want to let all the womxn in my life know that it’s okay to be soft. We are not weak because we are soft. We create safety and healing and support and love through softness. Through being slow we strengthen our resolve. We create more sustainable action, we pace our selves and conserve our energy. I hope these girls that I am raising will remember that lesson. That when the world is harsh and hateful that they can take that hate, hold it, and change it. Constantly humbled by the womxn in my life, doing things, and making changes, and speaking loudly or softly or whatever their hearts seek to speak. Go hug the ladies that inspire you.

5

sapogonia

Sunday reflection: Life is a creative project. A lot like building this bridge — an endeavor between a no-holds barred, figure it out as you go 3 year old and a perpetual planner of all things, strategy oriented 30 year old — it requires a balance between competing needs and desires, many ways of knowing and being and communicating and learning, a willingness to risk doing things the way we don’t know how to do and trusting our experience to inform our next steps and to enjoy being surprised in the process. • More recently I’ve been enjoying leaning into the uncertainty of liminal space. Maybe it’s all the meditation but some of it’s the reading. The year of eternal spring should also be named the year I returned to books. I found space in Gloria Anzaldúa’s work in my early twenties and now again with Luz En Lo Oscuro. • Within it there is language that feels like it tugs at me, names what is similar but not quite right from Plato’s metaphor of the cave or Buddhism. Here Gloria talks about Nepantla and El Cenote, and unlike the Coatlicue State — which I understand and experience to be transformative in its own right — these are spaces of emergence (often of self to self), of imagination, and of a deep collective knowing in which we learn to embody a reservoir of earth and water energy. • The year of eternal spring is partially about joy and centering abundance and gratitude, but it is also about the endless work and play of knowing ourselves and the countless transformations we are blessed to experience in this lifetime if we just dedicate some attention to it. • #yearofeternalspring #elcenote #motherhoodrising #childhoodunplugged #radicalwomenco #gloriaanzaldúa

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