The lyrics “I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean” comes to mind when I see this image. That song in general leaves a knot in my throat and tears sting my eyes. While the lyrics are beautiful, it holds so much meaning and nostalgia for me.
I used to be a dancer. Ballet, tap, jazz, clogging, Golden Girls, Poms, color guard & the high school dance team. I used to get so lost in music and feel everything I was dancing to. I remember when this song came out, it was so popular. I watched with delight as many dance teams danced along with the melody during competitions. I danced to it myself in our old green basement. When I turned 17, my parents split up, and I quit dancing.
The Christmas (or my graduation?) before my mom left, she handed me a book with the lyrics to this song written inside. She wrote me a promising note filled with love and “xo” on the inside cover. Shortly after, she planned an overnight escape. She packed the house in a U-haul and was moving away with my little brother. I didn’t know she was leaving that night. And if I hadn’t accidentally caught her, I wouldn’t have been able to say good-bye to my brother.
That was just over 10 years ago. My mother and I are finally on good terms in recent years. It’s hard not to want your mother when you’re in the trenches of motherhood. I’m happy to say we are in a good place now. But the song still brings on a lot of feelings for me.
When my son was just a few weeks old, I held him and promised I’d never leave. My life has prepared me to be his mother. My goal is to be a good mom to him- a happy one. I’m so grateful for the opportunity 💫