‼️WARNING‼️This post is lengthy and raw.
This is my courage........
This is NOT for any type of sympathy. It IS to help others realize that life happens and it’s how you react to it that determines your path. If I can help anyone not feel alone and empowered to handle life’s obstacles, then I’ve done what I set out to do.
I’m just going to jump right in. My biological father and I have not had a relationship for my entire life. Never able to connect, forced feelings of “family” when together, feeling like I was never accepted as “his child”, you get the picture. Last fall, my brother called to tell me our father was not doing well and in the hospital. This was in September of 2016. I went to the hospital thinking this may be the last time I might be able to have the opportunity to say whatever words I needed to. When I arrived at the hospital, he was in sepsis shock and in a coma. This was it, he probably won’t come out of this. I sat there for the next three days with every emotion possible. I hate you, I love you, do you even love me? After two weeks in the hospital he came out of it. He went home and we began to talk weekly about general life and how he was doing. What I didn’t know is that this would become a pattern for the next 7 months. He was in the hospital for a total of 8 times over the next 7 months. His shortest stay being a week and the longest was just over 4 weeks. He spent more days in the hospital than not. My dad struggled with alcohol and drugs when I was young. I saw and experienced things no child ever should. This is the main part of the discord in our relationship. Not taking ownership and responsibility and living two lives. Unfortunately, my dad fell back into this lifestyle. Couple that with diabetes, bipolar, hypothyroidism, depression,etc. you get the picture. He was not taking care of himself. We ramped up our phone calls to a few times a week. Mostly centered around me asking him if he was eating and taking his medicine. Every time he would end up in the hospital, I dropped everything to be there. This became a full time job. See comments ⬇️⬇️⬇️