More often than I'd like, I find myself here.
Rushing to the tracks, standing on the edge.
Holding that knife, looking with promise
The promise that the world would cease
That the loud voices die and that my mind would freeze
Waiting for the next train to come so i can jump right in
Into the tracks and be crushed like the way this weight crushes me
But no one can see it and I wonder if it's even worth it.
Keeping myself sane, when insanity's calling,
Holding on to life when death's so appealing.
But then I think about the consequence, what happens next
When I pull that trigger, when I jump off that ledge.
There's a million people suffering much more than me, so i stop myself.
Because I know that when I crash, my body stays dead but my soul travels
To the place where my maker sits on a throne in a palace
I dread the question he will ask me.
Why did you do it?
Why did you take what wasn't yours to? Your body the vessel and all I placed in it.
Then I'll see my family mourning, crying over a closed casket
Wondering what was wrong and how did they miss it.
She used to smile, she used to laugh, she was always good and happy
And my heart would break because I never want to hurt them, but i did. "Depart from me!" the mighty voice would roar.
And I'll be tossed into endless fire for eternity.
So now, as all those thoughts flood my mind, the consequence of my actions
I step back away from the ledge, jump off the tracks, and drop that knife
I should feel blessed to have this life
But I still feel terrible as I fall to my knees and cry.
And cry, and cry, because that's all I can do when my words only lie.
Dear God please see into my heart and save me.
I can't seem to let this go completely, and i need to.
Keep me in your heart and help me keep you in mine.
And give me purpose, so I can live, praising you in everything .
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