𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝑰𝑰: 𝑺𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒕
“𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒖𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒕.”
You see, for a long time I was fuming and embittered and struggling against almost everything in my life. It makes me unhappy in the great city that I live, with the good secure job in a good company that I have. It clouded my mind and my vision and I could no longer count my blessings. I turned into this moaning bitch who could only gripe and whine, who could no longer see the light shining bright at the end of the tunnel, who’s no longer attuned and perceptive to wriggle her way out of life’s inevitable messes, this girl who once used to refuse to back out when the going gets tough, who now could only lament and bawl when she can’t figure out the way to the top, or how to deal with a tough boss or the uninspiring real-life daily grind.
And I realized at some point that, all that mess is just simply me. That I ended exactly where I am today the moment I rested in my privileged cocoon and no longer put up a tough fight to climb a new height. I ended up exactly where I am today the moment I stopped reaching for the stars. There’s absolutely no one to blame and no circumstances that are unfair to me. And all that bullshit about good lot and contentment of Europeans that I feed my own mind with, in order to take out blames on almost the entire continent has made me such a colossal entitled deluded brat. And naturally it turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy—because of my self-defeating beliefs, I turned more and more into this powerless version of the girl I could no longer recognize. In the downward spiraling tunnel of my life in that dark period, I let myself be beaten by vagaries of fate, stop seeing any potential in myself, clinging to the people I thought have more power than me. •
Until the day I wake up...[to-be continued]