I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Peter and when Jesus asked him to walk on water... “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” It must have been so hard for Peter to step out of that boat…knowing full well that it went against all logic.
Faith says "I'll get you there". The world says "People sink". And being out there in the water can be so scary sometimes.
The last four months have been really hard for me. The anxiety that I worked so hard to fight has reappeared. This time, it brought chains and swords and an entire army of defeating thoughts. I don’t tend to talk a lot about my anxiety because buried beneath the panic and the fear, is a really deep layer of shame and guilt.
Shame over a battle that I seem to be constantly losing and guilt over a life that I seem to be missing. Shame over this cracked part of myself and guilt over the people who have to deal with it. Shame over the things I hide and guilt over the things I don't.
Show me an anxious mind and I'll show you a person who fears being seen for it. (continue below...)