9 UNSENT TEXT MESSAGES: pt 1
1. Congratulations on your new family— the one you said you never wanted, but I guess people change. Although I can’t be too sure what about you has actually changed considering how much of your authentic self was fabricated for my sake. I’m not sure if I ever really knew the real you, or just the version you made up for me. What, did it feel good to have someone want you so bad that you were willing to sacrifice your truth for it? I guess the attention I gave you made you feel as high as the night we saw the train? You always were a thrill seeker. Regardless of the ways we hurt each other, I do hope you wake up happy every day. I hope you never have to fake it, the way you did with me. By the way, do you still have that letter underneath your bed? I wonder.
2. Happy birthday. Does it even bother you that I was the one person you didn’t hear it from? Did you think I’d break the silence? Did you want me to? Because I almost did, for what it’s worth. Almost. Like everything else with us. Almost friends, almost too much, almost a disaster. Everyone always told me the same things about you— You said this to that girl, this to another, and yet I can’t help but think I’m different. Maybe it’s simply because I know my worth, or maybe it’s because your energy always spoke louder than words did. Or maybe I just romanticized who you really are like I have so many other people in my life and you actually suck way more than I accounted for. Either way, I saw the grin on your face when you noticed me that night.
3. It’s a shame you couldn’t see what you had when you were lucky enough to have it. I cared more than you deserved. I poured so much of my heart into your dream that I forgot about my own, and all I got from you is the automated, two-ply, see-through “thank you” that you gave the others who walked out. Turns out you aren’t the intricate, damaged person I thought you were who just needed someone to understand— on the contrary, you leave the intricate damaged, because YOU fail to understand. I worry that with your finger always pointing the blame in the direction of another, you’ll never look in the mirror long enough to see the truth.