Listen up fucksticks, I'm about to teach you how to maximize your potential, be your best you and get every bang for your buck. This is how you beat the system. Take the cost of the gift and convert it in your head into how many drinks it would take to outdo the value. I'm talking street value. Out on the town Saturday night, really life money. So call it 8 bucks a drink. When you get there have a $20 ready, introduce yourself to the bartender and hand it to them. Don't put it in the jar, the jar is possibility, in their hand it's a reality. Tell them if they keep it coming they'll get another $20 at the end. With that in their mind they will keep you real lubed up.
Now, now you try to out drink the $40 tip and the soon to be miserable couple's $110 Toaster Oven you got them. It's on. Keep a tally. Push yourself to your limits. Do you really want a Toaster to beat you at The Game of Drink? You don't. Win. You'll feel proud, I promise you.
Also it'll distract you from the fact that you came there alone, you'll be leaving alone and will die just like that Toaster Oven, in 10 years burnt out, full of used carbs and alone.
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