The daughter I didn't deserve.
It's been a while since I wrote my last letter. I always wrote letters knowing that they probably would never get read. And that was normal for me back then.. knowing that my feelings will remain unheard. My mother, my father, three elder brothers.. No one cared about my opinions and thoughts in real life, so why should they.. the superstars, filmstars, my crushes.. care about my fantasy world and what I feel in there.
For this letter, I am sure that it will get a read. And that's why I am going to express myself with all I might. Someone, for the very first time cared about my feelings.
I know, baby, I was always tough on you. Not because I hated you or didn't like you or never wanted you.. but because we were different. We were facing difference audience. We believed in different things.
It was 1986. I was 15. My father saw me talking to a boy when we were coming back from our school. I was told about the family pride. Words were not used. I was told about the fact that girls like me get their family names to the dirt. Again, dad didn't use words.
I was locked. They didn't give me food. After few nights, when they thought that my natural teenage attraction towards opposite sex is defeated by the power of violence and keeping me foodless, they brought me out. This time with food, I was given a dose of words and warnings. I, with my head down, decided to stay away from boys. I had enough because of them.
You mentioned music and movies in your letter. And cookingtoo. Yeah, I love them. But do you know that I was slapped by your dad when your grandma complained about the fact that I hum while I cook... And because of that there was more salt in curry. I was warned to give up my hobbies and concentrate on my responsibilities. "TV is not for you, dancing and singing are for for whores, you whore!!"
He told me to concentrate on my roles - of a wife.. of a daughter in law.. of a mother. And never let my individuality.. my personal choices, preference come in between playing these roles. I was warned. I still have some marks from that night on my skin. (JUMP TO COMMENTS SECTION)