I hide my feelings so that I don't feel vulnerable because I can't bear random eyes judging me for being me. Atleast this is what I used to think, but maybe I hide them because I don't know how to show them. I can't bear rejection and maybe that is why I don't give them a chance.
Today your absence felt like a punch in the stomach. It was rough and real. I could felt the pain running through my adrenalines but I could do nothing about it. Today I felt like I am missing something in life, I am missing you. I want you back but I don't because I can't. I want to hold you in my arms again, kiss you madly like it were my first time and just keep looking at that smile, that same smile that I snatched away from you. It's not like I am not happy for you, I am glad that you found your smile back but it hurts not to be the reason behind that. I said I never fell in love but now it feels like I am falling for you everyday, the farthest away from me you go; the more I fall for you.
I was always told that you won't know when you will fall and for whom, maybe I am understanding it now. Or maybe it still isn't love, it's just a yearning because you are not mine. I will get over you once again, I hope it will be soon. I want to tell you all this but I can't. I mean, how can I say , "Hey, I want you back in my life but I am not sure if I will leave you shattered once again." Atleast now I know that you have someone who cares for you, someone you deserve more than me because they are not leaving like I left. I am sorry for disappointing you then but know this, I always want all the best things in life for you, I may or may not be there in your future but I will be there whenever you would need somebody and I pray that it never happens.